Hopping off the Fast Track

With only one week left of winter break, I am preparing to start my last semester of college. My last semester of college. I still cannot believe I graduate in four months and five days. Time flies when you're having fun...or when you're busy.

I've always prided myself in going above and beyond each semester and still managing to come out on top. Sophomore year I held two jobs, Junior year I had three, and last semester, I had two jobs and an internship that required another twenty hours of my time per week. I'm happy to report that I managed to balance all of that and maintain straight A's once again. However, last semester was also a huge wake up call.

Last semester, the average day went a little something like this: wake up at 4:00 AM to get ready for work at Dunkin Donuts. 4:55 AM, clock in at work. 10:00 AM, clock out, grab a croissant and/or muffin and/or bagel and drive home to my apartment to change. 10:28 AM, drive to school while eating the croissant/muffin/bagel. Class from 11:00-12:30 PM. 12:30 PM, drive home from school, change, leave for my internship. Internship from 2:00-6:00 PM. Arrive home at 6:30 PM, eat dinner, attempt to catch up on homework/readings, shower, and try to get to bed by 9:00 PM. Repeat through Friday. I was exhausted. Physically and mentally exhausted. 

The weeks themselves blended together. I would wake up on Monday morning and before I knew what was happening, it was Friday afternoon and I had made it through another week. Saturday I was always too exhausted to do anything so I spent much of the time sleeping and watching Netflix. Sunday mornings I tried to be productive by cleaning the apartment, doing laundry, starting the week's worth of homework I had, etc. Sunday nights were probably the worst. I would get into bed and become overwhelmed with a huge sense of dread for the week to come. Sometimes I would even cry. "I can't do this anymore!" I would say in between sobs to Jesse. 

At the end of November, my body began to turn against me. I stopped getting my period and developed a severe ear infection that I actually had no idea I had until a few days ago. It was at this time that I knew something had to change. It was equal parts scary and sad to realize that my daily routine of getting up at 4:00 AM, running around all day until 6:30 PM and getting an average of 5-6 hours of sleep per night was doing such harm to my body. You can will yourself to go on as much as you want but at some point, you're body will give up.

I've since left my job at Dunkin Donuts which was very bittersweet but ultimately, for the best. This semester, I'm vowing to enjoy my last few months at UNH. I want to be able to get up at a normal hour and not always feel exhausted. I want to dedicate more time to the things that matter like my relationship with Jesse, my friends and family, planning events for my internship, and schoolwork. 

Hoping off the fast track is not something I like doing. I have always prided myself in being able to handle just about anything but after last semester, I'm taking a step back for myself. Staying in a routine that makes you miserable, tired, irritable, etc. isn't fair to you. I was trying to prove something to myself but at the end of the day, none of that mattered. I'm learning that success isn't measured by how much you can do, the crazy schedule you've set up for yourself, or how busy you are. Success is being happy and healthy. At the end of the day, I want to have time for the things that matter the most to me. 

First Week Reflection!

The first week of senior year a.k.a. the last first week of school I'll ever have (*sniff*) is officially over and boy, am I tired! I'm trying not to think about the fact that this was my "easy" week because everyone knows the first week of college is "sylly week" where classes last as long as it takes to get through the syllabus. Only when you're a senior, "sylly week" is more of a stress week.

I only have 3 classes this semester. You're probably thinking, "that doesn't sound so bad" and you're right, it doesn't. Buuut you have to factor in working 30 hours a week so I can pay for life and 20 additional unpaid (*sniff*) hours a week at my internship. My internship hasn't officially started yet and while I am looking forward to it, part of me is dreading getting up at 4am to work followed by class which is followed by my internship until 6:30. Add a half hour drive to that means getting to my apartment at 7pm, eating/showering/studying/sleeping before repeating that process again the next day.

But this is it. My last year. It really hasn't sunk in yet although it made my heart legitimately ache when I saw freshman with their lanyards around their necks, chatting with each other on their way to lunch/class/the library. Part of me longs for those carefree, wild(cat hehehe) days. The other part of me is over it because let's be real - smuggling Mike's Hard Lemonade up your sweatshirt sleeve to transport it throughout the dorm isn't cool (although the goosebumps on your arms would say otherwise).

I already have more homework than I did my entire freshman year. To be fair, I would have had more homework as a freshman but for some reason didn't really understand that textbooks were meant for reading. Read chapter 3 for homework? COOL! NO HOMEWORK TONIGHT! #smh

I'm going to try and enjoy this last year in between all of the paper writing, studying, planning, and stressing I'll likely be doing. The thought of graduating already gives me the chills and when Angels and Airwaves 'The Adventure' comes on, I get a little teary-eyed.

UNH, there were times where I loved you and times I hated you but you kept me coming back for more (and spending more #DebtTillIDie). I hope you're ready for this last year.

Inspirational Friday: The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow/Life Update

I cannot believe that it's already February 20th and I don't have that many posts up for this month! This past week in particular has been absolutely I-N-S-A-N-E and I found myself stressed beyond belief! Not only was this week one deadline after another but also a series of problems that added stress to the stress mountain that was building.

Monday: My center of operations, home to all of my documents, key to the world wide web, a.k.a. my laptop's charging port broke. I discovered this around 9am while I was sitting in the library prepared to spend half of the day getting school work done. Instead, I spent most of the time trying to wiggle the cable in the hopes that maybe the plug icon would appear in the lower right hand corner of the screen and I could continue my work without fearing a dead battery. No such luck. The good news? The charging port can be replaced! The bad news? It'll cost $200. Ouch.

Tuesday: Now Tuesdays in and of themselves are stressful because from the moment I get to school, I'm in classes/working until 5pm. I have a chemical engineering class (an elective believe it or not) from 9:40-11, human sexuality 11-12:30, work at the career center from 12:30-2, public health from 2-3:30, and finally criminology from 3:40-5. On this particular Tuesday I had 2 exams. "Ouch!" -My Brain.

Wednesday: At this point in the week, I was living off iced coffee courtesy of McDonald's with extra cream and extra sugar. When I started my car for work, just about every light was lit up on my dashboard. I should throw out the disclaimer that the check engine light is, and forever will be, lit up as no mechanic from New York to New Hampshire has been able to pinpoint what's causing it to come on. Sometime last week, the oil light began flashing so I panicked and took it to Jiffy Lube. Much to my, and the technician's surprise, the oil was full. On this particular morning, the temperature light was also flashing (we're up to three flashing lights now - cue the Kanye West song) which happens from time to time. Jetta Baby doesn't like the cold. As for her owner? She's gettin' a little sick of it, too.

Thursday: Apparently, too much caffeine and not enough water is bad for you. "Ouch!" -My Head.

Annnd here we are! It's Friday and the sun is shining, I'm hydrated and just finished cleaning my apartment. Jesse comes home in a little bit and we can catch up while we eat dinner in our cozy apartment which, according to Timehop, we paid the security deposit for one year ago. :) At the end of the day, I'm so happy for everything that I have in life and for where I am today. Life might get stressful from time to time but like Annie said, the sun will come out tomorrow.