Don't You Just Love Love?!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of the couples and singles out there! I've always liked Valentine's Day and I'm suspicious of anyone who doesn't. Valentine's Day is a day for celebrating love and in the words of my favorite mermaid, "don't you just love love?!"

The only thing I dislike about Valentine's Day is how marketed it has become. It seems like the day after Christmas aisles in stores are filled with boxes of chocolate that could double as a coffin for your sugar-induced death and teddy bears so large you need a tractor trailer to transport it to the (un)lucky recipient. Why can't Valentine's Day exist without unnecessary gifts?

I like to think of myself as a realist but deep down I'm a total hopeless romantic. I love watching proposal and wedding videos on YouTube for hours (although there is usually a correlation between Aunt Flo's visit and the amount of tear-inducing videos watched), receiving love notes, and Pinteresting thousands of wedding dresses even though I can only choose one. What can I say? I love a good love story. On a side note, I found the cuh-yoo-test wedding video on all of YouTube and if you can make it through the entire thing without shedding one tear, congrats, you don't have a heart.

Here's the thing: you celebrate Valentine's Day and not go over the top! Maybe it's because Christmas, Jesse's birthday, my birthday, our anniversary, and Valentine's Day fall within a month and two weeks of each other but we don't really celebrate Valentine's Day! I love making cute cards to give to family and friends but I don't think Valentine's Day is the only day you should acknowledge your love for those people.

I love my family, friends, and Jesse 365 days of the year. It's lovely to have a day to celebrate that love but at the end of the day, I always tell those closest to me how much I love them. Jesse and I, for example, never go to sleep without saying 'I love you' (part of that is this superstition that I have of either one of us dying in our sleep and therefore never getting to say 'I love you' for the last time).

Today, whether you're single or in a relationship, looking for a &$#! buddy or doing the long distance thing, tell someone you love them! Don't go spend all of your money on roses (so cliché), jewelry, chocolates, or whatever other material objects that represent love out there! The best gift of all - love - is free!

Happy 2 Years!

Yesterday Jesse and I celebrated 2 years of being together. I know it's cliché, but I honestly cannot remember what it was like to not have him in my life. The past 2 years have been filled with adventures that I never in a million years would've expected but I can honestly say that 2 years later, I wouldn't change a thing.

Jesse and I met 2 years ago right before my 20th birthday. My roommate had met Jesse and one of Jesse's friends the night before and invited me to hang out with them in Jesse's dorm room. She told me they were total rednecks who loved country music and despite hating both of those things, I decided to go upstairs because it was Thursday night and I didn't have anything else to do.

The first thing I remember was seeing Jesse's coat and thinking to myself, "oh my god, I'm meeting the guy with the coat" because I remembered seeing him around the dorm from time to time. We sat on his futon and talked for a few hours and the conversation just flowed. Usually I get really tongue-tied around boys but with Jesse, that awkwardness went away. I remember we had a lot in common and I went back to my own room after midnight not thinking too much about what just happened.

Two days later I turned 20! My friends threw me a surprise party and had even invited Jesse! I remember making eye contact with him throughout the party and he was just looking at me differently. I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words the way he was looking at me. It was the most kind and gentle look I've ever seen and 2 years later, I can still see it.

My friends dragged me off campus to what would be my first official "college party." It was loud and there was lots of beer, kissing, and yes, sex on the toilet. I was really uncomfortable with the whole situation and my roommate texted me to tell me that Jesse kept asking when I was coming back. It was, in that moment, it all clicked. I realized that all I wanted to do was see Jesse so I got my coat and my drunk friends (never walk alone at night on a college campus ladies) and made the long trek by foot - in 6 inch Jeffrey Campbells nonetheless - to Jesse's room where he was waiting for me.

The next two weeks consisted of cute text messages, flirting, and joint dining hall dinners. Our first official date was with my roommate and Jesse's friend. We went to picturesque Portsmouth to eat. After dinner, we walked around town and Jesse put his arm around me. That night we went back to his room to continue the date and we talked past midnight. We were holding hands on his futon and we kissed and the rest is history!

That summer we were four hours apart. Jesse would visit as often as he could and those visits meant the world to me. I spent the summer going to appointment after appointment with the goal of finally having surgery to remove my septate hymen. By the end of the summer, we made a promise that next summer we would be together someway, somehow.

Fall 2013 was the hardest semester of my life. I felt pressured by my (now ex) best friend to go out and make new friends which didn't allow for me seeing Jesse a lot. I constantly felt caught in the middle of two things I should never have had to choose between. When given the ultimatum from her, I chose Jesse. Our friendship deteriorated fast after that.

Last year at this time, Jesse and I were searching for apartments so that we could live together. I worked two jobs and saved every penny I earned for furniture, rent, and groceries. We looked at one apartment, a tiny one bedroom located just up the street from Jesse's old apartment and we signed the paperwork that night! We moved in together at the beginning of April and started life together as a cohabiting couple.

Cohabiting meant sacrifices. Instead of going home and seeing my family for the summer, I stayed here and worked. Money was always tight. When we weren't working (or commuting in Jesse's case), we were doing housework - organizing, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. Last summer was a lot of hard work but nothing beats waking up to the person you love every morning. :)

Well, here we are! These past 2 years have been quite a journey but I wouldn't change a single thing about our relationship. Last night as we sat across from each other at the restaurant, I couldn't help but take a moment to appreciate the past 2 years. Here is the boy who has done so much for me between driving four hours to visit me that first summer, holding me as I cried about surgery, co-starred with me on MTV, listened to my endless rants about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, and helped me make life decisions. All the while he was eating silently from the other side of the table, unaware that I was admiring him. I'm so lucky to have met someone as caring, loving, funny, and supportive as Jesse. I am forever grateful that I decided to walk upstairs that night 2 years ago.

10 Things I Didn't Know About Love

Jesse and I celebrated our 1 1/2 year anniversary yesterday by, um, doing the dishes together and getting to bed early. We usually try to go out on the 7th of every month which means yes, we are so that couple that celebrates their anniversary every month. Buuut before your eyes roll too far back into your head, we don't, however, post a sappy Facebook post each month that reads something like this:

#GETAROOM

Nor are our celebrations very involved. Heck, sometimes our 'Celebration of the 7th' is actually the 5th, 8th, or 10th! Plus, I think it's important to celebrate the little things - not to mention that going out to eat is great for catching up after a stressful work week, or to walk down memory lane and reminisce about anniversaries past. The importance of celebrating moments in a relationship (along with 10 other things listed below) are things I didn't know about love...until now, of course.

Falling unexpectedly. We've all heard a story about some girl who met some guy and within two minutes of conversing, they both realized that the other person was The One and a month later, they were married. Sorry not sorry, but I'm calling BS. I don't believe in love at first sight (nor love after first date, first text, or first month). Falling in love doesn't happen overnight and chances are, when one partner says "I love you" for the first time, the other partner is on a different page. When Jesse first told me he loved me, I told him that I was still falling. I expected one day to feel different. I don't know what I was expecting exactly but I guess I thought I would have a big epiphany in which I suddenly felt a rush and was compelled to run to him and tell him how I now felt. But that didn't happen and it still hasn't. I think falling in love with someone happens slowly. I can't pinpoint the day I fell in love with Jesse but I did, over the summer of 2013.

Distance does, in fact, make the heart grow fonder. If you've ever been in a long distance relationship, I feel for you. I spent the entire summer of 2013 in a long distance relationship with Jesse. When you can't see someone you love every day, you make room for them in a special place in your heart. This way, you can carry them with you, even if you are hours apart. I believe that in holding someone within you truly makes you value that person so much more. Distance is hard. My summer was spent counting down the days, hours, and minutes until Jesse visited, followed by a short 3 day visit which concluded with tears, the heartbreakingly beautiful sound of his Mustang starting up and driving away which left me sobbing uncontrollably on my front porch until I could compose myself to go inside to begin another countdown. To this day, I can't hear a Mustang start without getting a little choked up.

Time is precious. I will forever be grateful for being in a long distance relationship last summer because it taught me just how valuable time is. When you're apart for 3 weeks at a time and reunite for 3 days, you make the most of every single second. (Side note: nothing beats a reunited make-out session. N-o-t-h-i-n-g.) After moving back to school, I thought that we'd have lots more time together and everything would be just as peachy as our summer visits. [Insert incorrect buzzer tone here] Wrong. Between both of our full course loads and our jobs, we struggled to have quality time together. Our solution? Date nights. Once a week. Somewhere new. Non-negotiable. Fall semester they were Wednesdays, Spring semester they were Thursdays. Keeping one day and night a week to take your mind off responsibility is so important because it allows you to talk and laugh about the fun things in life. We also set aside time before bed to cuddle, laugh, talk, cry, etc. I try to never take one second for granted because last summer, they were seconds I craved.

Give and take (or give and give, or take and take). Love is a balancing act and it's all about support. Being in love means sacrificing certain wants in order to meet your partner in the middle. It truly is an exchange - give a little, take a little. If Jesse comes home from work really stressed, I'll sit an chat with him, give him a back rub, and cook dinner for him (give/give). Last summer when I was going through so much with surgery, he listened to me, let me cry, and encouraged me to keep moving forward (take/take). Overall, our relationship is equal give and take on both our behalves which is how I think any relationship should be.

There will be tears. I wouldn't consider myself to be an emotional person. I like to channel my inner Elsa and "conceal, don't feel." However, since I've been with Jesse, I've become more emotional. This new emotional side has spread, too, not solely effecting my love life. I cry when I leave my family after a visit, while watching any combination of wedding/proposal/military reunion/birth videos on YouTube (who doesn't?!), and over a plethora of minor day to day occurrences though I chalk those up to PMS. I think when you fall in love you realize something about yourself. You don't know how you love until you fall in love. I am so thankful to have Jesse in my life and stopping to think about everything that he's done for me and everything that we've been through together brings me to tears. Love is a really special thing.
  

Live for the moments. You aren't Allie from The Notebook. No guy is going to write you 365 letters and wait for you for that long. Likewise, don't expect every second of the relationship to be all about you. Yes, traditionally guys have paid for every meal, necklace, pair of sexy underwear, and flower but times are a little different now. Social media also doesn't help the fact that when one lucky lady receives a bouquet of roses as big as she is every girl out there becomes overwhelmed with jealousy and then yells at her boyfriend for not being romantic. The way I see it, store bought gifts are invaluable. What is valuable are little moments with the person you love when you see them differently. Sometimes Jesse and I are just talking and he'll laugh or smile and I suddenly get a rush of holy-moly-this-is-the-boy-I-want-to-be-with-for-the-rest-of-my-life. I live for moments like that and often wish I could capture it because it is so beautiful.

Talk it out. You've probably heard over and over again how communication is so important in relationships blah, blah, blah...Well I'm not going to preach about communication. Communication is important but so is honesty and the ability of open up 100% to the person you love. Early on in our relationship, Jesse and I put our talking skills to the test as we faced the hymenectomy together. We would often butt heads because I would be so close to giving up and he would push me along telling me to get it done. Then I would get mad thinking all he wanted was sex and he would get annoyed because he was just trying to help. Not only did we pass the surgery test but we continue to pass communication tests by being honest and telling each other every last detail about our lives. If you truly love someone, you shouldn't have any secrets or communication barriers. By being so open and honest, our relationship is stronger and we have a sturdy, trusting foundation.

The Sex Factor.  When you are in love with someone, you want to sleep with them. End of story. Reproducing is an actual biological need. (Thankfully now we have condoms and birth control so that need can be satisfied without having 2374 kids.) What I love most about having sex in a relationship is how in that moment, nothing else exists. It's just you and your partner, as close as you can ever be. Since I started having sex, it has undoubtedly brought me closer to Jesse and has enhanced our relationship like you wouldn't believe!

Arguments are necessary. Whoever said conflict in relationships is a bad thing was wrong. Every relationship needs a little conflict or else the overwhelming perfectness would likely drive you and your partner crazy! The ability to talk out your problems and resolve them is a key aspect of relationships because let's face it - life is complicated and filled with lots of ups and downs. When Jesse and I argue, we argue clean - no derogatory comments or "hits below the belt." We address the problem, solve it and move on. We also never go to bed mad. We always kiss and say "I love you" before we fall asleep.

Fall in love with the little things. I'm a simple girl. I hate the idea of being showered with expensive gifts (I also don't believe materialistic objects should increase one's affection for another person but whatever...) and being a "princess." For me, I fall in love with the simplest of actions. I was stressed out one day and without saying a word, Jesse started playing our song. I wandered out to the living room and he hugged me. I started crying (hello, new emotional side) and we just started slow dancing. It's things like that that mean the most to me because of the level of thoughtfulness. Jesse knew I was stressed and calmed me down without saying a single word and making me fall more in love with him than he knows.