Cohabitation: What I've Learned After One Year

It's hard to believe that Jesse and I have lived together for an entire year now! It seems like just yesterday we were hauling furniture up the narrow staircase for what seemed like days...something my body still hasn't forgiven me for. But here we are, happily living together in our tiny little haven one year later!

Cohabitation often gets a really bad rap...especially for young couples like us. In many of my classes, we've studied cohabiting couples and the results aren't fantastic. We're talking accidental kids, messy breakups, lack of commitment (a.k.a. marriage never happens), etc. Moving in together after being together for a little over a year raised many eyebrows I'm sure. Buuuuut here I am one year later not pregnant, still with Jesse, and moving towards a future together (take THAT statistics)!

Here's a list of what I've learned after my first year of cohabiting!

1. It's expensive! Living in a dorm for 2 years didn't prepare me for the financial expenses I faced this past year. When I knew Jesse and I were going to move in together, I saved every penny I had and it still wasn't enough. Cohabiting is waaaay cheaper than living in the dorms (I'm saving $30,000 just because I'm not living in the dorms for my last 2 years of college) but paying out of pocket for groceries, toiletries, furniture, rent, and utilities does drain the bank account pretty quickly.
2. Chores and general daily tasks will consume most of your free time. When I first met Jesse we always had time to watch movies or go to a game at school. Now it seems that if we're not in class we're doing schoolwork and if we're not doing either of those things then we're preparing dinner, eating, cleaning, or sleeping. We usually use dinner time as "catch up" time because our schedules are pretty opposite.
3. We all have our quirks. Moving in with Jesse I thought I knew all of his quirks already but I was wrong. Pretty quickly I realized that Jesse has a tendency to leave dirty socks around the apartment and leave the lights on in every room. But I'm sure he doesn't enjoy my piles of rejected outfits stacked on the dresser or the way I arrange the blankets before I go to bed. We're both OCD in our own weird ways - another thing we have in common!
4. Living with your best friend/partner/soul mate is awesome. I never had great experience with roommates in college (I no longer speak or am in contact with either one) so I was excited to move in with Jesse. I love coming home from class knowing that I get to see Jesse and then spending the evening catching up while cooking and eating dinner. The cherry on the cake is getting to snuggle up next to him every night.
5. Changing your residency is actually kinda scary. I surrendered my New York State license and thereby gave up my New York residency as well ten days after moving in with Jesse. I actually ended up getting a tattoo that afternoon because I determined that I always wanted New York to be a part of my life. To this day, I don't feel 100% like a resident of New Hampshire but I've made a lot of progress.
6. Homesickness is still a thing. Last summer was the first summer that I wasn't at home in New York for. I didn't expect it to feel as weird as it did. Honestly as summer began, I constantly asked myself what I was doing living in New Hampshire. I hadn't found my niche and everything seemed so foreign. I visited home quite a bit for the first half of summer but as summer came to a close, I felt more comfortable with my new life and surroundings and I haven't looked back since.
7. Nothing will be as you expect it to be. When I was in high school I thought I had my life figured out. I thought I was going to double major in Hotel Management and Magazine Journalism and live in NYC and become an editor of a magazine for the first half of my life and move to Maine to open a bed and breakfast for the second half. I expected my first apartment would be after I graduated and right smack dab in the middle of NYC. But here I am, sitting in a tiny one bedroom apartment in New Hampshire that I share with my boyfriend. I never expected that this is the path that my life would take but I wouldn't change any part of it for the world. I love my New Hampshire life, I love my school, and I love Jesse. I may not have planned for this life but then again, how can you plan for anything in life?
8. Don't stop loving. It's easy when life gets busy and stressful (those dishes aren't going to do themselves!) to forget why you moved in in the first place. Jesse and I decided the first summer we were together that we would never spend another summer apart. At the time, neither of us knew that that would mean signing a lease together. We signed that lease a year ago because we fell in love with each other and decided that being together was so much better than being apart. Every time I'm feeling overwhelmed, I always think back to how much that first summer sucked and that always puts everything into perspective. Never stop saying 'I love you.'
9. You have to make time for each other. Jesse and I can get really focused on our own lives (classes, projects, jobs) and sometimes fall a little out of touch with what's going on with the other person. Sure, we always catch up and share funny anecdotes about our days but we don't always get into those deep, revealing conversations about how each of us are feeling. Luckily, Jesse and I pretty much know if something's up with the other person and before bed is when we'll really talk it out.
10. Bodily functions are no longer embarrassing. We all know that at the beginning of a relationship you pretend that you don't ever poop. Well, once you move in with someone, you can't really hide any of nature's callings. If you have to poop, you poop. If you have to fart, you fart. However, you will never get away with secretly farting under the covers. You might think that you're getting away with it because it doesn't smell but once someone shifts the covers, consider your cover blown.
11. Nakedness isn't that big of a deal anymore. Being naked when you cohabit doesn't just mean time for sexy time. Last minute outfit changes 30 seconds before you have to catch the bus go from "Ooh la la" to "Hurry up we're going to be late!"
12. IT'S SO MUCH FUN! The best part of living with the person you love is the fact that everything that once seemed so mundane is now fun! Cooking dinner means cooking together! Cleaning up becomes a team effort badly choreographed to music! Plus, you can have sex wherever and whenever you want! Talk about a win-win-win situation!

March 2015 in 60 Seconds

Hiiiiiii guys! Long time no blog...! Like many posts in the past, this is going to be somewhat of a life update seeing as I haven't blogged in over a month!

1. I got another job! I work at Dunkin Donuts which is actually so much fun! It's suuuper fast paced and I get to chat with customers and make drinks and all that jazz! I work about 30 hours a week there and between that, my two other jobs, a full course load and homework I have like ZERO time to do anything! I'll try and get more posts scheduled though!
2. Jesse and I have been living together for a YEAR as of next Wednesday which is crazy because it only seems like it's been a few months. We're renewing our lease and staying here through next May. YAY FOR HAPPY COHABITING COUPLES! I've got a blog post scheduled for the 1st which is a list of everything I've learned after this first year!
3. My school's Spring Break was last week and Jesse and I went to visit his parents in Virginia for half of the week and then to visit my parents in New York for the remainder of the week. I can't tell you how nice it was to have a week off! Jesse and I have pretty opposite schedules but last week we really just got to hang out with each other and our families. I couldn't have asked for a better break! I even took Jesse to New York City which was a lot of fun, too!

Favorite boy, favorite city :)

There you have it - the past month all summed up! The 6'+ of snow we got in New Hampshire has finally started to melt and it seems like Spring is trying her best to make an appearance! This semester is about 2/3 over and then I'm sure I'll have more time for blogging! Until then, I'll do my best to post as often as I can!

-Emily

Happy 2 Years!

Yesterday Jesse and I celebrated 2 years of being together. I know it's cliché, but I honestly cannot remember what it was like to not have him in my life. The past 2 years have been filled with adventures that I never in a million years would've expected but I can honestly say that 2 years later, I wouldn't change a thing.

Jesse and I met 2 years ago right before my 20th birthday. My roommate had met Jesse and one of Jesse's friends the night before and invited me to hang out with them in Jesse's dorm room. She told me they were total rednecks who loved country music and despite hating both of those things, I decided to go upstairs because it was Thursday night and I didn't have anything else to do.

The first thing I remember was seeing Jesse's coat and thinking to myself, "oh my god, I'm meeting the guy with the coat" because I remembered seeing him around the dorm from time to time. We sat on his futon and talked for a few hours and the conversation just flowed. Usually I get really tongue-tied around boys but with Jesse, that awkwardness went away. I remember we had a lot in common and I went back to my own room after midnight not thinking too much about what just happened.

Two days later I turned 20! My friends threw me a surprise party and had even invited Jesse! I remember making eye contact with him throughout the party and he was just looking at me differently. I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words the way he was looking at me. It was the most kind and gentle look I've ever seen and 2 years later, I can still see it.

My friends dragged me off campus to what would be my first official "college party." It was loud and there was lots of beer, kissing, and yes, sex on the toilet. I was really uncomfortable with the whole situation and my roommate texted me to tell me that Jesse kept asking when I was coming back. It was, in that moment, it all clicked. I realized that all I wanted to do was see Jesse so I got my coat and my drunk friends (never walk alone at night on a college campus ladies) and made the long trek by foot - in 6 inch Jeffrey Campbells nonetheless - to Jesse's room where he was waiting for me.

The next two weeks consisted of cute text messages, flirting, and joint dining hall dinners. Our first official date was with my roommate and Jesse's friend. We went to picturesque Portsmouth to eat. After dinner, we walked around town and Jesse put his arm around me. That night we went back to his room to continue the date and we talked past midnight. We were holding hands on his futon and we kissed and the rest is history!

That summer we were four hours apart. Jesse would visit as often as he could and those visits meant the world to me. I spent the summer going to appointment after appointment with the goal of finally having surgery to remove my septate hymen. By the end of the summer, we made a promise that next summer we would be together someway, somehow.

Fall 2013 was the hardest semester of my life. I felt pressured by my (now ex) best friend to go out and make new friends which didn't allow for me seeing Jesse a lot. I constantly felt caught in the middle of two things I should never have had to choose between. When given the ultimatum from her, I chose Jesse. Our friendship deteriorated fast after that.

Last year at this time, Jesse and I were searching for apartments so that we could live together. I worked two jobs and saved every penny I earned for furniture, rent, and groceries. We looked at one apartment, a tiny one bedroom located just up the street from Jesse's old apartment and we signed the paperwork that night! We moved in together at the beginning of April and started life together as a cohabiting couple.

Cohabiting meant sacrifices. Instead of going home and seeing my family for the summer, I stayed here and worked. Money was always tight. When we weren't working (or commuting in Jesse's case), we were doing housework - organizing, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. Last summer was a lot of hard work but nothing beats waking up to the person you love every morning. :)

Well, here we are! These past 2 years have been quite a journey but I wouldn't change a single thing about our relationship. Last night as we sat across from each other at the restaurant, I couldn't help but take a moment to appreciate the past 2 years. Here is the boy who has done so much for me between driving four hours to visit me that first summer, holding me as I cried about surgery, co-starred with me on MTV, listened to my endless rants about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, and helped me make life decisions. All the while he was eating silently from the other side of the table, unaware that I was admiring him. I'm so lucky to have met someone as caring, loving, funny, and supportive as Jesse. I am forever grateful that I decided to walk upstairs that night 2 years ago.

10 Things I Didn't Know About Love

Jesse and I celebrated our 1 1/2 year anniversary yesterday by, um, doing the dishes together and getting to bed early. We usually try to go out on the 7th of every month which means yes, we are so that couple that celebrates their anniversary every month. Buuut before your eyes roll too far back into your head, we don't, however, post a sappy Facebook post each month that reads something like this:

#GETAROOM

Nor are our celebrations very involved. Heck, sometimes our 'Celebration of the 7th' is actually the 5th, 8th, or 10th! Plus, I think it's important to celebrate the little things - not to mention that going out to eat is great for catching up after a stressful work week, or to walk down memory lane and reminisce about anniversaries past. The importance of celebrating moments in a relationship (along with 10 other things listed below) are things I didn't know about love...until now, of course.

Falling unexpectedly. We've all heard a story about some girl who met some guy and within two minutes of conversing, they both realized that the other person was The One and a month later, they were married. Sorry not sorry, but I'm calling BS. I don't believe in love at first sight (nor love after first date, first text, or first month). Falling in love doesn't happen overnight and chances are, when one partner says "I love you" for the first time, the other partner is on a different page. When Jesse first told me he loved me, I told him that I was still falling. I expected one day to feel different. I don't know what I was expecting exactly but I guess I thought I would have a big epiphany in which I suddenly felt a rush and was compelled to run to him and tell him how I now felt. But that didn't happen and it still hasn't. I think falling in love with someone happens slowly. I can't pinpoint the day I fell in love with Jesse but I did, over the summer of 2013.

Distance does, in fact, make the heart grow fonder. If you've ever been in a long distance relationship, I feel for you. I spent the entire summer of 2013 in a long distance relationship with Jesse. When you can't see someone you love every day, you make room for them in a special place in your heart. This way, you can carry them with you, even if you are hours apart. I believe that in holding someone within you truly makes you value that person so much more. Distance is hard. My summer was spent counting down the days, hours, and minutes until Jesse visited, followed by a short 3 day visit which concluded with tears, the heartbreakingly beautiful sound of his Mustang starting up and driving away which left me sobbing uncontrollably on my front porch until I could compose myself to go inside to begin another countdown. To this day, I can't hear a Mustang start without getting a little choked up.

Time is precious. I will forever be grateful for being in a long distance relationship last summer because it taught me just how valuable time is. When you're apart for 3 weeks at a time and reunite for 3 days, you make the most of every single second. (Side note: nothing beats a reunited make-out session. N-o-t-h-i-n-g.) After moving back to school, I thought that we'd have lots more time together and everything would be just as peachy as our summer visits. [Insert incorrect buzzer tone here] Wrong. Between both of our full course loads and our jobs, we struggled to have quality time together. Our solution? Date nights. Once a week. Somewhere new. Non-negotiable. Fall semester they were Wednesdays, Spring semester they were Thursdays. Keeping one day and night a week to take your mind off responsibility is so important because it allows you to talk and laugh about the fun things in life. We also set aside time before bed to cuddle, laugh, talk, cry, etc. I try to never take one second for granted because last summer, they were seconds I craved.

Give and take (or give and give, or take and take). Love is a balancing act and it's all about support. Being in love means sacrificing certain wants in order to meet your partner in the middle. It truly is an exchange - give a little, take a little. If Jesse comes home from work really stressed, I'll sit an chat with him, give him a back rub, and cook dinner for him (give/give). Last summer when I was going through so much with surgery, he listened to me, let me cry, and encouraged me to keep moving forward (take/take). Overall, our relationship is equal give and take on both our behalves which is how I think any relationship should be.

There will be tears. I wouldn't consider myself to be an emotional person. I like to channel my inner Elsa and "conceal, don't feel." However, since I've been with Jesse, I've become more emotional. This new emotional side has spread, too, not solely effecting my love life. I cry when I leave my family after a visit, while watching any combination of wedding/proposal/military reunion/birth videos on YouTube (who doesn't?!), and over a plethora of minor day to day occurrences though I chalk those up to PMS. I think when you fall in love you realize something about yourself. You don't know how you love until you fall in love. I am so thankful to have Jesse in my life and stopping to think about everything that he's done for me and everything that we've been through together brings me to tears. Love is a really special thing.
  

Live for the moments. You aren't Allie from The Notebook. No guy is going to write you 365 letters and wait for you for that long. Likewise, don't expect every second of the relationship to be all about you. Yes, traditionally guys have paid for every meal, necklace, pair of sexy underwear, and flower but times are a little different now. Social media also doesn't help the fact that when one lucky lady receives a bouquet of roses as big as she is every girl out there becomes overwhelmed with jealousy and then yells at her boyfriend for not being romantic. The way I see it, store bought gifts are invaluable. What is valuable are little moments with the person you love when you see them differently. Sometimes Jesse and I are just talking and he'll laugh or smile and I suddenly get a rush of holy-moly-this-is-the-boy-I-want-to-be-with-for-the-rest-of-my-life. I live for moments like that and often wish I could capture it because it is so beautiful.

Talk it out. You've probably heard over and over again how communication is so important in relationships blah, blah, blah...Well I'm not going to preach about communication. Communication is important but so is honesty and the ability of open up 100% to the person you love. Early on in our relationship, Jesse and I put our talking skills to the test as we faced the hymenectomy together. We would often butt heads because I would be so close to giving up and he would push me along telling me to get it done. Then I would get mad thinking all he wanted was sex and he would get annoyed because he was just trying to help. Not only did we pass the surgery test but we continue to pass communication tests by being honest and telling each other every last detail about our lives. If you truly love someone, you shouldn't have any secrets or communication barriers. By being so open and honest, our relationship is stronger and we have a sturdy, trusting foundation.

The Sex Factor.  When you are in love with someone, you want to sleep with them. End of story. Reproducing is an actual biological need. (Thankfully now we have condoms and birth control so that need can be satisfied without having 2374 kids.) What I love most about having sex in a relationship is how in that moment, nothing else exists. It's just you and your partner, as close as you can ever be. Since I started having sex, it has undoubtedly brought me closer to Jesse and has enhanced our relationship like you wouldn't believe!

Arguments are necessary. Whoever said conflict in relationships is a bad thing was wrong. Every relationship needs a little conflict or else the overwhelming perfectness would likely drive you and your partner crazy! The ability to talk out your problems and resolve them is a key aspect of relationships because let's face it - life is complicated and filled with lots of ups and downs. When Jesse and I argue, we argue clean - no derogatory comments or "hits below the belt." We address the problem, solve it and move on. We also never go to bed mad. We always kiss and say "I love you" before we fall asleep.

Fall in love with the little things. I'm a simple girl. I hate the idea of being showered with expensive gifts (I also don't believe materialistic objects should increase one's affection for another person but whatever...) and being a "princess." For me, I fall in love with the simplest of actions. I was stressed out one day and without saying a word, Jesse started playing our song. I wandered out to the living room and he hugged me. I started crying (hello, new emotional side) and we just started slow dancing. It's things like that that mean the most to me because of the level of thoughtfulness. Jesse knew I was stressed and calmed me down without saying a single word and making me fall more in love with him than he knows.