Songs that got me through...

...a time of confusion: "Paradise" by Coldplay

...a time when I needed a push: "Never Be Ready" by Mat Kearney

...a time when I realized the truth about a certain boy: "You're Not Sorry" by Taylor Swift

...a time of separation from a loved one: "Highway Don't Care" by Tim McGraw feat. Taylor Swift

...a time of realizing what a terrible person my ex best friend is: "Mean" by Taylor Swift

...a time of rising above a group of jealous haters: "Thank You" by MKTO

...a time of freeing myself from toxic people: "Release You" by Megan and Liz

...a time of  fear and anxiety: "Let It Go" by Idina Menzel

...a time of homesickness: "Simple Life" by Megan and Liz

What songs got you through hard times? Let me know :)

Inspirational Friday: A Little Confidence Goes A Long Way

Jesse and I were talking the other day in the car about satisfaction in the bedroom - particularly about couples who are less than satisfied in that part of the relationship. We speculated as to why that might be and confidence and self-esteem were brought up. I believe the problem isn't performance but lack of confidence.

Confidence is often a problem for girls. I, too, struggled with my self-esteem in middle school and early high school. I hated my skin for it was spotted with acne and I thought my thighs and butt were too big. I think we all fall into that trap of watching movies, reading magazines, and passing people on the street and comparing ourselves to them. We think, "she's so pretty," "I'll never have legs like that," or "I wish I had bigger boobs" and the confidence we have in ourselves plummets.

I got over all of this petty stuff when I got to college because I recognized it as just that - petty. It's easy in middle school to get caught up in the media and wish you looked differently because you don't have a lot much going on in life (or at least I didn't). Moving to college I realized that comparing yourself to other people was pointless because the fact is, you will never be as tall as that Calvin Klein model or have big boobs like that girl in your math class or look like Carrie Underwood but that's because you're not that Calvin Klein model or that girl in your math class or Carrie Underwood. You never will be. But that's okay!

The problem with lacking confidence will impact every aspect of your life - sex life included. If you're not confident in the way you look, how in the world will you be able to enjoy sexy time?! You'll be too nervous about the way you look that you won't be able to focus on the way that you feel!

The thing is, if a guy is sleeping with you, he's clearly attracted to you in some way! In the heat of the moment, as clothes hit the floor, you've got to realize that he's already interested in the way you look or else he wouldn't be sleeping with you! I mean, would you sleep with someone you weren't physically attracted to in any way?! No, you probably wouldn't.

Jesse also gave me insight into the guy's perspective. He told me surprisingly that guys are willing to accept your flaws! Let's pretend you're really self-conscious about your stomach area. A guy who's interested in you isn't going to let that be a deal breaker! (Side note: if you know a guy who would let your insecurities be a deal breaker then he's a dick and you shouldn't want to be with him!) Just realize that guys aren't going to notice your insecurities - but they will notice your confidence in bed.

Does this mean you have to act like a porn star every time you have sex? No. This means that instead of acting all timid and hiding parts of your body under the sheets that you own it! Don't worry about how you look or how you're doing because there are more important things to focus on during sex. Focus on what feels good to you and what you like!

You truly have to love yourself and your body before being physically intimate with someone or else I don't think you can be truly happy with that aspect of the relationship. Who wants to worry about what they look like every time they have sex? Not me! Love yourself and own what you've got and I guarantee that life in the bedroom will be much more satisfying.

Jessica Alba summed it up perfectly!

The 8 Year Old Me (Inspirational Friday)

I was a shy child. I sat in my desk at school, quietly taking notes and listening intently to my teacher. I was a good student with a few close friends. Middle school is where it all changed for me. I was still shy but I no longer had those close friends (they were at the middle school across town). I had glasses, braces, and acne galore. After school, I would return home and play American Girl dolls with my sister. We were obsessed with the Bratz TV show and pretended our dolls were Cloe, Yasmin, Sasha, and Jade. My sister and I always looked up to the Bratz because beyond their long hair, perfect makeup, and amazing wardrobe, they were 4 unstoppable best friends who instilled a sense of girl power into the viewers and taught girls everywhere that anything is possible. But in middle school, my dreams felt far from possible.

There's a quote that reads: if your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud? This happened to pop into my head during my shower today and got me thinking. If 8 year old me met the current me, I think she'd be awestruck. I don't think she would've expected me to be such a confident and successful woman. She would love that I live near Old Orchard Beach (somewhere 8 year old me always wanted), found an amazing boyfriend, and still remain a child at heart. Above all, she would admire that I grew up to be just like the Bratz - fearless, ambitious, kind-hearted, and creative.

We grow up each and every year. Sure we grow physically from birth to ~18 years but we are always growing. Since moving to college I've had to stand up for myself more, learn to argue effectively (#roommatessuck), manage my time, cook actual meals, etc. My surgery was a year ago and going from trying to have sex to not being able to have sex to crying about not being able to have sex to going to therapy because that was the only option left to finally having sex was a huuuge deal and that was only 4 months! My point here is that we are constantly growing from week to week, month to month, year to year.

I think it's so important to take some time and think about how much you've grown as a person. Back to the quote I used at the beginning, I almost think it'd be cooler to travel back in time and visit your 8 year old self. Just to take a moment to talk to her and say, "Hey, it's gonna be alright. This is what you're life will be like in 'x number of years.'" Maybe then growing up wouldn't be so scary.

The Little Things (Inspirational Friday)

                I heard a country song the other day that caught me off guard. Sure, living in New Hampshire I’ve gotten accustomed to hearing country music because New Hampshire is a southern state stuck in the north. Songs to me usually have to be catchy and upbeat to hold my attention but something about this song forced me to stop and listen. The chorus goes like this:

                                “You’re gonna miss this

                                 You’re gonna want this back

                                 You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast

                                 These are some good times

                                 So take a good look around

                                 You may not know it now

                                 But you’re gonna miss this”

                I had been having a really stressful week because the bills were piling up, my job search was, well, a search, and the apartment was trashed thanks to all of the stuff we’d just moved from Jesse’s old apartment. I found myself thinking about how someday we’d have a bigger place, more money, etc., when this song, which I had heard earlier in the day popped into my head. It gave me a minute to stop and think about all of the small things that I’m sure I’ll miss in 5, 10, 20, or even 50 years. I’m going to list some of mine below and I encourage you to do the same thing.

1.       Paying for a pizza delivery with loose change.

2.       Signing a lease for our tiny one bedroom apartment.

3.       Slow dancing in the living room to “Give it All We Got Tonight” after a stressful day.

4.       Earning $8 an hour and feeling rich after getting a paycheck.

5.       Wearing my mom’s old black pencil skirt to a job interview.

6.       Working part-time as an assistant and feeling like an adult with a career.

7.       Eating ice cream in bed with my boyfriend, talking about the day and watching Desperate Housewives.

8.       Driving on the highway by myself while singing along to the radio.

9.       Filling up my gas tank for the first time and scoffing at the $35 total.

10.   Hanging out in a male dorm room awkwardly flirting and scandalously sipping Bud Light from a can.

11.   Making out with my boyfriend on his dorm room futon for hours.

12.   Trying out a new recipe for chicken and panicking when smoke poured out of the oven.

13.   Getting ID’ed at a bar.

14.   Fooling around with my boyfriend in the reeds at night on the beach.

15.    The first time any boy ever put his arm around me.

The main takeaway here is to live in the moment and don’t miss the little things. All of the things I just listed didn’t (or don’t) seem important while they were (or are) happening, but looking over this list now I’m realizing how they are the big things. I’m making it my mission to try and live in the moment more. I want to enjoy the little things because as it turns out, they may just be the big things.

Inspirational Friday

There are moments of uncertainty in our lives everyday. Being a control freak, I dread these moments because it leaves me incapable of predicting what will happen next. Recently, however, I've learned to get acquainted with (embrace is a strong word) these moments because as I grow up they have been, and will continue to be, ever-present in my life.

I believe that talking about our fears makes them less scary. I consider myself to be an introvert (with occasional extrovert tendencies) which means that I'm a serial thinker. I tend to take existing problems and create bigger - or worse - more problems from one single issue. Luckily for me, Jesse continues to challenge me by taking my hand, pulling me out of my cozy and secure metaphorical box and forcing me to face my fears.

And talking it out does help. This probably seems a little middle school but there's something so powerful about sharing the burden with someone else. It's a win-win situation. I feel better because I've verbalized things that have only ever been thoughts and Jesse feels better because he gave me his time and a listening ear and voila! his girlfriend is back to normal.This is obviously works the other way around too, but being a girl (not to mention one who is currently PMSing), I feel the need to share my problems and create a team bond out of it.

So in spirit of all this, I'm going to share what my current fears are:

1. I just quit a job that I hadn't even started at yet. You see, something in my gut told me that I shouldn't work there and after a few days of mulling and two serious conversations with Jesse, I resigned. So I'm now jobless and praying that my interview works out next week. That brings me to my next fear...

2. Money. This one is a bit of a surprise because I am a savvy saver. I even spent spring semester in an awful night class learning about personal finance! Buuut now that I live on my own and have to buy my own groceries, pay bills, do laundry (those quarters add up), I find myself struggling. This fear was heightened after my recent job resignation because after my paycheck next week, I'm not sure when the next one will be...

3. My job interview is set for 1:00pm on the 28th and I kind of need this job. *Cue sweaty palms*

4. I was cast for an MTV show which will be airing this summer and I'm nervous to see how it is going to play out. (I'll be blogging heavily about that later on because the show, titled 'Virgin Territory' is what this blog is all about!)

Phew! I could probably go on and on but part of this fear revealing is to just focus on the main problems...not freak out about every sub-problem that could come from everything. Instead of creating a tree of sub-problems, focus on the thick branches towards the base. Tackle those, and the little problems won't even exist.