I've always prided myself in going above and beyond each semester and still managing to come out on top. Sophomore year I held two jobs, Junior year I had three, and last semester, I had two jobs and an internship that required another twenty hours of my time per week. I'm happy to report that I managed to balance all of that and maintain straight A's once again. However, last semester was also a huge wake up call.
Last semester, the average day went a little something like this: wake up at 4:00 AM to get ready for work at Dunkin Donuts. 4:55 AM, clock in at work. 10:00 AM, clock out, grab a croissant and/or muffin and/or bagel and drive home to my apartment to change. 10:28 AM, drive to school while eating the croissant/muffin/bagel. Class from 11:00-12:30 PM. 12:30 PM, drive home from school, change, leave for my internship. Internship from 2:00-6:00 PM. Arrive home at 6:30 PM, eat dinner, attempt to catch up on homework/readings, shower, and try to get to bed by 9:00 PM. Repeat through Friday. I was exhausted. Physically and mentally exhausted.
The weeks themselves blended together. I would wake up on Monday morning and before I knew what was happening, it was Friday afternoon and I had made it through another week. Saturday I was always too exhausted to do anything so I spent much of the time sleeping and watching Netflix. Sunday mornings I tried to be productive by cleaning the apartment, doing laundry, starting the week's worth of homework I had, etc. Sunday nights were probably the worst. I would get into bed and become overwhelmed with a huge sense of dread for the week to come. Sometimes I would even cry. "I can't do this anymore!" I would say in between sobs to Jesse.
At the end of November, my body began to turn against me. I stopped getting my period and developed a severe ear infection that I actually had no idea I had until a few days ago. It was at this time that I knew something had to change. It was equal parts scary and sad to realize that my daily routine of getting up at 4:00 AM, running around all day until 6:30 PM and getting an average of 5-6 hours of sleep per night was doing such harm to my body. You can will yourself to go on as much as you want but at some point, you're body will give up.
I've since left my job at Dunkin Donuts which was very bittersweet but ultimately, for the best. This semester, I'm vowing to enjoy my last few months at UNH. I want to be able to get up at a normal hour and not always feel exhausted. I want to dedicate more time to the things that matter like my relationship with Jesse, my friends and family, planning events for my internship, and schoolwork.
Hoping off the fast track is not something I like doing. I have always prided myself in being able to handle just about anything but after last semester, I'm taking a step back for myself. Staying in a routine that makes you miserable, tired, irritable, etc. isn't fair to you. I was trying to prove something to myself but at the end of the day, none of that mattered. I'm learning that success isn't measured by how much you can do, the crazy schedule you've set up for yourself, or how busy you are. Success is being happy and healthy. At the end of the day, I want to have time for the things that matter the most to me.
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