Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015!!!

Happy Holidays from Apartment 23!

At the end of each year, I get suuuper nostalgic as I look back on the past year. I always conclude that the past year was the best year of my life and I can never imagine how the next year could possibly top the past year but it always seems to. This year is no different. Here is a list of my top ten favorite moments of 2014!

1. Having my first ever New Year's kiss with Jesse at 12:00:01 AM.
2. Celebrating my 21st birthday at the bar with Jesse by doing shots of Absolut peach. 
3. Reaching the one year milestone with my one and only!
4. Travelling to Disney to see my sister as a castmember.
5. Moving into a tiny one bedroom apartment with Jesse.
6. Surprising my sister in Florida who had absolutely NO IDEA I was coming!
7. Old Orchard Beach 2014♥
8. Watching my episode of MTV's Virgin Territory and live Tweeting.
9. Buying and decorating our first ever Christmas tree while it snowed.
10. Meeting tons of fans after Disney's Frozen on Ice.

2014: My Favorite Moments♥

#RelationshipGoals

#RelationshipGoals have taken the Internet by storm. Search the hashtag on Twitter and you will see hundreds of photos of celebrity couples embracing, a man holding a woman's purse, a beautiful bouquet of flowers left on a girl's doorstep as a surprise, and so on. The hashtag is basically a place for people with some sort of build up of tension to admire the relationships of other people. While searching this hashtag can warm the heart ('tis the season) it can also get old reeeeeeeeeal fast.

I'm all about relationships - always have been and always will be. When I moved to college, there was a line drawn: either you were anti-relationship or pro-relationship. Being pro-relationship, I tried meeting guys, flirting awkwardly, and texting coyly during the fall semester of my freshman year (a semester that I'd like to CRTL + Z if ya know what I mean). I assumed everyone was trying to find love and found out that not everyone has the same intentions. In fact, I met some very anti-relationship people and let me tell you, if you meet anyone who is very adamant in their disbelief of love you should run as fast as you can from that person.

ANYWAYS. The point of this blog isn't to discuss my past. I want to stress the importance of personal relationship goals. Don't be jealous of that girl you played basketball with (or was it field hockey...?) who just posted a photo of her 3 trillion roses from #bae because apparantly, that's how their relationship goes! Jealousy is evil and the Internet makes it pretty easy to be consumed with it. I want everyone to keep in mind that what works for one couple won't necessarily work for another.

So what do I mean by personal relationship goals? Well for starters, stop comparing yourself to the photos, videos, and Tweets you see online! Think about all of the things that you love about your girlfriend/boyfriend. Maybe it's the way they make just enough coffee so that you can have a cup or maybe it's the way they make you laugh. Love can't be measured in material objects. Small actions say way more about your relationship than any amount of VS panties, jewelry, or flowers ever will.

The next time your boyfriend texts you "Good Luck :-)" before an exam, gives you the last scoop of ice cream, or puts on your favorite song in the car, just soak in the moment and realize that those are the things that true love is made of. Often, the true #RelationshipGoals aren't tangible and cannot be photographed.

'Virginity Testing' in Indonesia

Earlier this week, I was shocked to read about Indonesian women who had applied to be police officers going through what is called, 'virginity testing.' Upon further research, I learned that this practice doesn't occur in Indonesian alone, but other parts of the world as well. The most common method of testing is called the "two finger test" in which two fingers are inserted into a woman's vagina basically to see how tight it is (in this case, the tighter her vagina, the greater likelihood she is a virgin). The individual performing the test will also check for the infamous hymen.

Not only is this test unnecessary, it is also very degrading and painful for these women. What I don't understand is the fact that the hymen itself isn't necessarily a telltale sign of virginity. For girls born with the so-called "normal hymen," they can stretch/tear/break their hymen from partaking in a number of random activities and guess what? They're still virgins! What about for the girls like me who were born with an extra band of tissue? I was a virgin with my septate hymen and a virgin after my hymen was surgically removed. If the absence of a hymen indicates the loss of virginity then I "lost" my virginity to my doctor while I was knocked out.

Virginity testing serves no purpose other than to humiliate and degrade the women who are subjected to it. In some cultures, virginity testing is used to determine whether or not a female is worth marrying. Believe it or not, males in other cultures may reject a woman if she isn't a virgin. It's sad to think some women will be rejected because they didn't pass the virginity test. I cannot believe we live in a world where such tests are even allowed.

Furthermore, being a police officer and being a virgin are two totally different and unrelated things. If a woman in Indonesia wants to be a cop why does she also have to be a virgin? I suspect virginity testing exists in order to keep women out of the police force as it usually is a "male job." If that's true then this is a bigger problem of gender inequality.

I applaud the women who despite the humiliating test are able to join the police force in Indonesia. However, these women should not have to subject themselves to such a test in the first place. I think more people need to realize the need for equality - not only in America but the rest of the world as well. We also need to respect the fact that a woman's virginity is private to her and shouldn't be exploited for the purpose of a job application.

For more information, visit CNN or the Human Rights Watch.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

So it's the morning after my episode (also the season finale) of Virgin Territory premiered and despite only getting 5 hours of sleep last night, I'm on top of the world!!! As cheesy as this sounds, I can't even find the right words to describe how I felt last night. It felt like Christmas morning.

This journey started when I was born. Unbeknownst to me or my parents, I would grow up with a rare type of hymen. When I was 16 and found out what it was, I would always ask why I had to be one of few to have been born with a septate hymen. The process to remove it was emotionally taxing and forced me to confront a lot of mental issues I had as a result. I was given the opportunity of a lifetime when MTV called to tell me I was selected for Virgin Territory.

I got so much hate for filming the show. It hurt to have people I called my good friends gossip, spread rumors, and look down on me for being a virgin. I'm happy to report that those people are now removed from my life. Haters are always gonna hate. Or as T. Swift says, "people throw rocks at things that shine."

All I ever wanted out of this show was to help one girl. 5 years ago, I would've loved having someone to look up to who was going through the same things as me. I decided to be that role model and make an example out of myself in the hopes that girls everywhere would feel like they could have someone to look up to and talk to. For everyone else, my goal was to educate the world on an issue some girls face that few people know much about.

I guess the point of this post is to say THANK YOU to all of the people who supported me during the surgery, during the emotional aftermath, during production for the show, and to all of my new followers whose tweets last night made this entire journey worth it.

Thanks to everyone who tweeted their support...especially these guys.

Now for some personal thank yous:

To my mom, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly thank you enough for everything that you've done for me. Knowing that I made you proud means everything to me. Thanks for raising Laura and I to be the strong, confident women we are today.

To my sister, Laura, all of those years playing with dolls I never ever thought I'd have a real life"Bratz Rock Angelz" moment. Thanks for playing along with all of my crazy ideas even though I never finished any of them...We've definitely made the Bratz proud.

To my boyfriend, Jesse, the day I met you I never thought this would be how our lives turned out. Thanks for waiting for me, for pushing me to keep moving forward, and for always caring about me. You are the reason why I even bothered to go to the doctor and have the surgery in the first place.

To Dr. Karen Ruskin, I've already thanked you a million times, but once again, thank you for helping me get through my mental block! If it wasn't for your help, I would still be the same scared girl who you met during my first session.

Flowers from my favorites. :)

For the first time since this journey began, I can finally see the reason for all of this happening. That's my favorite part of life - being able to reflect on the journey and finally see the truth. I wasn't born with a septate hymen because God wanted me to suffer. I was born with a septate hymen so I could someday educate and empower women who were just like me. I feel like I've been handed the key to the world. It's a really cool feeling to know that you are actually impacting lives. I'm incredibly blessed to have been born the way I was and I'm incredibly blessed to have some of my biggest dreams come true. And, of course, I'm so blessed to have each and every one of you in my life. Thank you.

Post Virgin Territory Update!

Hi everyone! I decided to write this post to update you on what has happened since I filmed for MTV's Virgin Territory. If you'd like to read more about why I quit the show, you can click here.

1. I am no longer a virgin. Despite that the editing that suggested I lost it at the end of my segment, I actually lost it about a month after filming. It was a truly beautiful moment that I will never forget.
2. I've been working on a special project for girls with septate hymens. It's a website that I'm hoping will become a positive resource for girls to chat with other girls experiencing the same kinds of things. (Side note: if you have/had a septate hymen, I want to hear your story and feature it on my blog! Send me an email at SeptateSisters@yahoo.com!!)
3. Jesse and I are still together and plan on being together forever and ever and ever. Yes, we still go out on every 'monthiversary.'
4. Sex is now a huge part of our relationship. We are enjoying (finally!) a fantastic physical relationship.
5. Jesse and I live together now! Wheeeeeeee! Living with your best friend is the absolute best thing ever.

Well, there you have it! Any other questions about filming or anything that wasn't clear to you on the show, let me know in the comments or by sending an email to SeptateSisters@yahoo.com!

P.S. Stay tuned for more information on my website launch! :) :) :)

You Can't Buy My Virginity!!!!!! (The Truth About MTV)

5 words - "I'm no longer a virgin" - was the only thing I had to say. That sentence, or opposite - "I'm still a virgin because..." - were highly sought after by the production team at MTV. Those 5 words would've satisfied the producers and given me a pretty generous paycheck but I refused to utter them.

Let's back up to the moment I heard that I was chosen to be part of the cast for Virgin Territory. I was ecstatic that my story would finally be heard and that I could potentially help hundreds of girls just like me. After the excitement wore down, I soon learned that reality TV had a darker, more technical side. I was presented with a contract which I read over (twice) like a hawk, highlighting things that made me unsure. I spoke to one of the executive producer's for the show and asked her about the discrepancies. I was satisfied with the phone call but realized that I had to lay down rules of my own. Rules that none of the producers knew of still to this day.

I made it my mission to talk to everyone who would be on the show and figure out what their restrictions were. I talked extensively with my boyfriend, Jesse, about what we would/wouldn't talk about and about what we would/wouldn't do. Since we are both firm believers in no PDA, we decided a quick kiss was the farthest we'd go on camera. We also set one other ground rule: when we had sex, if it happened during or in between filming, we would not talk about it on camera. Period. (Side note: the end of the episode makes it seem like Jesse and I had sex the last night of filming and my first time was actually about a month later.)

During filming, the producers found it strange that we wouldn't talk about certain things (for example, what we did in the bedroom the night before). They also approached me multiple times to ask why we wouldn't cuddle or makeout on camera to which I always responded, "That's something we're not comfortable doing for the cameras." We had good reasoning, too. I was using the show for purely educational reasons and to help other girls with septate hymens. Jesse was only doing the show because I wanted him to. Looking back, I'm really surprised and impressed that he was a part of it because he's the type of guy who hates having his picture taken.

When I lost my virginity, I wasn't sure whether I should tell MTV or not. I ended up telling the producers who were thrilled because after all, isn't that the point of the show? I'm not allowed to give away any filming secrets but does anyone else think it's weird that almost all of the cast members lose their virginity while filming...!? I would say they were equally shocked that I refused to talk about it. That set a certain exec off who told me the following things:

1. I had to talk about it because I had signed the contract. (Lie. No where in the contract did it say that I was required to reveal the final status of my virginity.)
2. If I really loved Jesse, I would tell everyone I wasn't a virgin anymore. (Jesse found this particularly funny because as far as he was concerned, our love making didn't matter to anyone but to us.)
3. If I didn't reveal that I  wasn't a virgin, I wouldn't be on the show. (Which I am. September 24th at 11/10C!)
4. How can she, the producer, film something that isn't truthful. (HA HA HA the irony)
5. How can she end my story properly?! (I countered this statement asking her how she would've ended my story if I was still a virgin. Funny thing is, I think they were planning on everyone losing it therefore providing them the perfect ending.)
6. Don't you want to help young girls!? (Yes, yes I did. Buuut saying I wasn't a virgin had no impact on helping them get through their surgeries.)

I was fuming. Later that week, I got the filming schedule for their next trip to New Hampshire. Listed as one of the "things to do" was a re-enactment of a certain  life event. That was it. I emailed the producers and quit.

Pressing send on that email was the most liberating feeling. I was free! I will add that I was asked multiple times to do a closing interview to "clear up some confusion" to which I refused. I believed it was a trap and that I would get tricked into talking about my first time.

I'm sure some of you don't understand why I refused to say those 5 words. I asked myself why a thousand times after quitting because it was one sentence that would've made paying rent a lot easier. But money isn't everything. I would've forever felt terrible about selling my virginity which is essentially what most people on the show did. Granted, not everyone lost it and not everyone had such a strong opinion on it. For me, I kept my dignity and took matters into my own hands. I'm not afraid to admit that I lost my virginity to the world but I sure as hell wasn't saying those 5 words on MTV to satisfy the producers. Virginity can't be bought. Remember that.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M READY?!?!?

So you wanna lose your virginity. Maybe you've finally found the girl or guy of your dreams and you're ready to take it to the next level. Before getting down and dirty, I advise each and every one of you to think it through because you only get one first time and no one wants to regret it!

How to know if you are ready to have sex.

1. First things first. Ladies, if you haven't already, check your lady parts to make sure that you don't have an irregular hymen. Don't know what to look for? Read all about the different types of hymens here.
2. Talk about it! If you can't have a serious conversation with your significant other about having sex, you're probably not ready. Talking about having sex is a mature thing to do and if you can't, well, you probably aren't very mature and therefore shouldn't be doing it.
3. You've gotten tested. I'm totally guilty of not doing this but being a virgin, I knew I was safe and my boyfriend was safe because he had only ever had sex with two other virgins. If you or your partner has a sketchy history, just get tested. Better safe than ridden with chlamydia (or gonorrhea, syphilis, or any other nastiness)!
4. YOU want to. I cannot stress this one enough. You should never (I mean never, ever, ever, ever, EVER) have sex with someone because you feel like you have to. Both participants have to mutually want to do it. Maybe your boyfriend would like to have sex one month into the relationship but you'd rather wait until it's been 6 months. That's totally ok! However, in the mean time if you're feeling pressured by your boyfriend or he is threatening to not wait, you should probably get rid of him. A guy who wants to be with you will wait for you until YOU are ready.
5. You've played a little baseball. Relationships usually build. I don't think many go from just meeting to having sex in one night. If you've made it to first base (french-kissing), second base (touching sexy parts), or third base (oral sex), you are on your way to being ready to make it to home plate! Please note that you can skip bases. If you've never wanted to put your mouth near a penis, feel free to skip third! What I'm trying to say here, is that if you've fooled around for a while with someone, you're probably going to want to have sex with them.
6. You've got a plan. If you're thinking about what method of birth control you want to use (and have discussed this with your partner) then you are making progress towards being ready! Particular method doesn't matter (although I'd advise against the 'Natural Family Planning' or 'Pull Out' method here). What matters, is that you have one. What do I mean by "have one?" Make sure it's bought/prescribed/inserted or whatever needs to be done to ensure that you won't have a +1 in 9 months.
7. If the New York Times' heading the morning after was "[Insert Your Name] and [Insert Partner's Name] Made Love," you'd be ok with that. Not that they would, but if you'd be ok with everyone finding out that you and your partner just had sex, you're probably ready to have sex. You should be having sex with someone you're proud to be having sex with.
8. You know his name. This is for all of my crazy partiers. If you're into one night stands, great! Your sex life should be what you want it to be. I'm only suggesting this because for even the craziest of partiers, you're going to probably want to remember his name for practical (and self dignity) reasons.
9. You love your body. If you're an insecure person, you need to work on letting all of the little insecurities go! Remember, the person you have sex with is going to see you naked. You won't be able to hide that weird acne on your butt, the fact that you forgot to shave your armpits, or that extra slice of pizza you just ate. But don't worry! That boy who you are about to have sex with is not interested in your weird insecurities. If you are in a loving relationship, this boy loves you for you! You are beautiful to him and you turn him on! Plus, boys aren't going to notice the things that seem really obvious to you. Just as an example, I have a decent sized mole on my butt and I mentioned it to Jesse the other day who, until I showed him, had no idea that it existed! 
10. You feel comfortable with your partner. Like I already mentioned, if you're going to have sex with someone, they are going to know you in a very intimate way. Sex for the first time is not going to be like the movies. You are most likely going to have to tell your partner what does/doesn't feel good, what to do more of/less of, how fast/slow to go, etc. If you don't think you would be comfortable expressing your needs to your partner, you probably aren't ready.

If you feel confident with the 10 things I've just listed, you might just be ready to have sex! The truth is, only you know when you're ready to have sex. There probably won't be a 'eureka!' moment. But while developing a relationship with someone, feelings will intensify and the time will present itself. Don't overthink it. Let things work out the way they're meant to work out and play safe!

The 8 Year Old Me (Inspirational Friday)

I was a shy child. I sat in my desk at school, quietly taking notes and listening intently to my teacher. I was a good student with a few close friends. Middle school is where it all changed for me. I was still shy but I no longer had those close friends (they were at the middle school across town). I had glasses, braces, and acne galore. After school, I would return home and play American Girl dolls with my sister. We were obsessed with the Bratz TV show and pretended our dolls were Cloe, Yasmin, Sasha, and Jade. My sister and I always looked up to the Bratz because beyond their long hair, perfect makeup, and amazing wardrobe, they were 4 unstoppable best friends who instilled a sense of girl power into the viewers and taught girls everywhere that anything is possible. But in middle school, my dreams felt far from possible.

There's a quote that reads: if your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud? This happened to pop into my head during my shower today and got me thinking. If 8 year old me met the current me, I think she'd be awestruck. I don't think she would've expected me to be such a confident and successful woman. She would love that I live near Old Orchard Beach (somewhere 8 year old me always wanted), found an amazing boyfriend, and still remain a child at heart. Above all, she would admire that I grew up to be just like the Bratz - fearless, ambitious, kind-hearted, and creative.

We grow up each and every year. Sure we grow physically from birth to ~18 years but we are always growing. Since moving to college I've had to stand up for myself more, learn to argue effectively (#roommatessuck), manage my time, cook actual meals, etc. My surgery was a year ago and going from trying to have sex to not being able to have sex to crying about not being able to have sex to going to therapy because that was the only option left to finally having sex was a huuuge deal and that was only 4 months! My point here is that we are constantly growing from week to week, month to month, year to year.

I think it's so important to take some time and think about how much you've grown as a person. Back to the quote I used at the beginning, I almost think it'd be cooler to travel back in time and visit your 8 year old self. Just to take a moment to talk to her and say, "Hey, it's gonna be alright. This is what you're life will be like in 'x number of years.'" Maybe then growing up wouldn't be so scary.

10 Things I Didn't Know About Love

Jesse and I celebrated our 1 1/2 year anniversary yesterday by, um, doing the dishes together and getting to bed early. We usually try to go out on the 7th of every month which means yes, we are so that couple that celebrates their anniversary every month. Buuut before your eyes roll too far back into your head, we don't, however, post a sappy Facebook post each month that reads something like this:

#GETAROOM

Nor are our celebrations very involved. Heck, sometimes our 'Celebration of the 7th' is actually the 5th, 8th, or 10th! Plus, I think it's important to celebrate the little things - not to mention that going out to eat is great for catching up after a stressful work week, or to walk down memory lane and reminisce about anniversaries past. The importance of celebrating moments in a relationship (along with 10 other things listed below) are things I didn't know about love...until now, of course.

Falling unexpectedly. We've all heard a story about some girl who met some guy and within two minutes of conversing, they both realized that the other person was The One and a month later, they were married. Sorry not sorry, but I'm calling BS. I don't believe in love at first sight (nor love after first date, first text, or first month). Falling in love doesn't happen overnight and chances are, when one partner says "I love you" for the first time, the other partner is on a different page. When Jesse first told me he loved me, I told him that I was still falling. I expected one day to feel different. I don't know what I was expecting exactly but I guess I thought I would have a big epiphany in which I suddenly felt a rush and was compelled to run to him and tell him how I now felt. But that didn't happen and it still hasn't. I think falling in love with someone happens slowly. I can't pinpoint the day I fell in love with Jesse but I did, over the summer of 2013.

Distance does, in fact, make the heart grow fonder. If you've ever been in a long distance relationship, I feel for you. I spent the entire summer of 2013 in a long distance relationship with Jesse. When you can't see someone you love every day, you make room for them in a special place in your heart. This way, you can carry them with you, even if you are hours apart. I believe that in holding someone within you truly makes you value that person so much more. Distance is hard. My summer was spent counting down the days, hours, and minutes until Jesse visited, followed by a short 3 day visit which concluded with tears, the heartbreakingly beautiful sound of his Mustang starting up and driving away which left me sobbing uncontrollably on my front porch until I could compose myself to go inside to begin another countdown. To this day, I can't hear a Mustang start without getting a little choked up.

Time is precious. I will forever be grateful for being in a long distance relationship last summer because it taught me just how valuable time is. When you're apart for 3 weeks at a time and reunite for 3 days, you make the most of every single second. (Side note: nothing beats a reunited make-out session. N-o-t-h-i-n-g.) After moving back to school, I thought that we'd have lots more time together and everything would be just as peachy as our summer visits. [Insert incorrect buzzer tone here] Wrong. Between both of our full course loads and our jobs, we struggled to have quality time together. Our solution? Date nights. Once a week. Somewhere new. Non-negotiable. Fall semester they were Wednesdays, Spring semester they were Thursdays. Keeping one day and night a week to take your mind off responsibility is so important because it allows you to talk and laugh about the fun things in life. We also set aside time before bed to cuddle, laugh, talk, cry, etc. I try to never take one second for granted because last summer, they were seconds I craved.

Give and take (or give and give, or take and take). Love is a balancing act and it's all about support. Being in love means sacrificing certain wants in order to meet your partner in the middle. It truly is an exchange - give a little, take a little. If Jesse comes home from work really stressed, I'll sit an chat with him, give him a back rub, and cook dinner for him (give/give). Last summer when I was going through so much with surgery, he listened to me, let me cry, and encouraged me to keep moving forward (take/take). Overall, our relationship is equal give and take on both our behalves which is how I think any relationship should be.

There will be tears. I wouldn't consider myself to be an emotional person. I like to channel my inner Elsa and "conceal, don't feel." However, since I've been with Jesse, I've become more emotional. This new emotional side has spread, too, not solely effecting my love life. I cry when I leave my family after a visit, while watching any combination of wedding/proposal/military reunion/birth videos on YouTube (who doesn't?!), and over a plethora of minor day to day occurrences though I chalk those up to PMS. I think when you fall in love you realize something about yourself. You don't know how you love until you fall in love. I am so thankful to have Jesse in my life and stopping to think about everything that he's done for me and everything that we've been through together brings me to tears. Love is a really special thing.
  

Live for the moments. You aren't Allie from The Notebook. No guy is going to write you 365 letters and wait for you for that long. Likewise, don't expect every second of the relationship to be all about you. Yes, traditionally guys have paid for every meal, necklace, pair of sexy underwear, and flower but times are a little different now. Social media also doesn't help the fact that when one lucky lady receives a bouquet of roses as big as she is every girl out there becomes overwhelmed with jealousy and then yells at her boyfriend for not being romantic. The way I see it, store bought gifts are invaluable. What is valuable are little moments with the person you love when you see them differently. Sometimes Jesse and I are just talking and he'll laugh or smile and I suddenly get a rush of holy-moly-this-is-the-boy-I-want-to-be-with-for-the-rest-of-my-life. I live for moments like that and often wish I could capture it because it is so beautiful.

Talk it out. You've probably heard over and over again how communication is so important in relationships blah, blah, blah...Well I'm not going to preach about communication. Communication is important but so is honesty and the ability of open up 100% to the person you love. Early on in our relationship, Jesse and I put our talking skills to the test as we faced the hymenectomy together. We would often butt heads because I would be so close to giving up and he would push me along telling me to get it done. Then I would get mad thinking all he wanted was sex and he would get annoyed because he was just trying to help. Not only did we pass the surgery test but we continue to pass communication tests by being honest and telling each other every last detail about our lives. If you truly love someone, you shouldn't have any secrets or communication barriers. By being so open and honest, our relationship is stronger and we have a sturdy, trusting foundation.

The Sex Factor.  When you are in love with someone, you want to sleep with them. End of story. Reproducing is an actual biological need. (Thankfully now we have condoms and birth control so that need can be satisfied without having 2374 kids.) What I love most about having sex in a relationship is how in that moment, nothing else exists. It's just you and your partner, as close as you can ever be. Since I started having sex, it has undoubtedly brought me closer to Jesse and has enhanced our relationship like you wouldn't believe!

Arguments are necessary. Whoever said conflict in relationships is a bad thing was wrong. Every relationship needs a little conflict or else the overwhelming perfectness would likely drive you and your partner crazy! The ability to talk out your problems and resolve them is a key aspect of relationships because let's face it - life is complicated and filled with lots of ups and downs. When Jesse and I argue, we argue clean - no derogatory comments or "hits below the belt." We address the problem, solve it and move on. We also never go to bed mad. We always kiss and say "I love you" before we fall asleep.

Fall in love with the little things. I'm a simple girl. I hate the idea of being showered with expensive gifts (I also don't believe materialistic objects should increase one's affection for another person but whatever...) and being a "princess." For me, I fall in love with the simplest of actions. I was stressed out one day and without saying a word, Jesse started playing our song. I wandered out to the living room and he hugged me. I started crying (hello, new emotional side) and we just started slow dancing. It's things like that that mean the most to me because of the level of thoughtfulness. Jesse knew I was stressed and calmed me down without saying a single word and making me fall more in love with him than he knows.

Virgin Territory: Meet the Cast

Recently, MTV published an article featuring the remaining 10 virgins. Below is my little blurb! I'm so proud to be raising awareness for septate hymens! :)

Read about my other castmates here and don't forget to watch MTV's Virgin Territory every Wednesday night at 11/10c!

Introducing the Blood Test Survival Guide!!!

Do YOU have an appointment approaching? Don't wanna sit and stare at tacky wallpaper while at the doctor's office? Sounds like you need a............

Being squeamish of needles, blood, and doctors, I really wish I had a survival guide when I was having my blood drawn! I definitely could've used a distraction...!

If you print a BTSG and use it at an appointment, I'd love to see it! Post it here or tweet it to me @SeptateSisters!

Feel free to print copies to bring to any of your appointments! To print, right click and select 'Open Image in New Tab', then File > Print. Happy Blood Testing!

Stop the Shaming!

While watching the previews for Virgin Territory, I've noticed something interesting. To the oblivious viewer, they see nothing but a girl with red hair proclaiming over and over how scared she is. But when I watch, I can't help but notice the true fear and shame in my eyes.

We like to think that being ashamed relates to bad behavior. Those moments when you fake sick to stay home from school (hello, preschool), sitting in the corner by yourself as punishment for being naughty, or having a teacher hand back a test you didn't do so well on. These are all shameful moments but I think we, as individuals, shame ourselves more than any one else does. I know I did.

Figuring out that your lady parts are different than everyone else around you was a really difficult thing for me. Without even realizing it I began to compare myself to other girls (namely, the girls that used tampons because that was definite proof to me that they did not have septate hymens). Every time a girl mentioned needing to buy tampons, or asking if anyone had an extra tampon, I would immediately think of my septate hymen and then I'd feel jealous. I started to define myself as "sexually defective" because I couldn't do what other girls were doing.

As a perfectionist, I hate not being perfect. Now, I will be the first to tell you that I'm not perfect but perfectionism is in the eyes of the perfectionist, and in my eyes, my septate hymen made me imperfect. At 16, I became so ashamed of my body, especially my sexuality because I knew, medically, that it wasn't perfect. I began referring to my surgery as "getting fixed" as if I was broken. I withdrew from guys and social situations in which I might meet guys because I truly believed no boy would ever want to be with me if I was "sexually defective." 

I'm a bit teary-eyed writing this because these are all feelings that I felt without truly realizing their impact. When I watch myself on MTV, I see that ashamed girl and my heart goes out to her.But that's one of the cool things about being on the show. I will forever be able to look back at my time on the show and see how far I've come. 

I'm happy to report that I'm no longer ashamed. I am confident in myself and my sexuality. But to all of the ladies, we have to stop self-shaming. It's damaging. Our brains are wonderful but we quickly forget how easy they believe what they've been told hundreds of times. To my septate sisters out there, you are not broken, defective, or worthless...you were just born with a little extra somethin'. But believe me when I say, it's nothing to be ashamed about.

This season on Virgin Territory....

Make sure to tune in every Wednesday at 11/10c to see Virgin Territory on MTV!

#TBT My Therapy Session!

After my surgery, I was elated. The storm clouds had cleared and I could finally breathe again. There was nothing physical preventing me from having sex or using tampons. Once my 4 week healing period was up, I was so excited to get it on with my boyfriend. But just as every other part of this adventure, I was met with another challenge.

                I was absolutely sure that I would lose my virginity on September 16.That day has no significance in either of our lives but that day marked the end of the long 4 week healing period. I (thought) I was ready, he was ready, what was the problem? The problem happened to be my brain. See, the doctor physically cut my hymen off (sorry for the bluntness) but she didn’t cut out the part of my brain that was attached to my hymen’s presence. Basically, I still felt as though my hymen was present even though it was probably sitting in the hospital waste pile.

                Many ‘first time’ attempts later, I was convinced that I was cursed. Every time Jesse was about to enter me, I would freak out similar to how I reacted prior to the surgery when the doctor would get anywhere near my vagina. I would then get frustrated and cry because I wanted to have sex so badly but couldn’t because I still felt as though my hymen was there. Jesse and I decided that the only person who could help was a therapist.

                Not gonna lie, I was so skeptical of going to see a therapist. I had no idea what a therapist would say to correct me of the ‘mental/emotional block’ I was dealing with. I had to toss my skepticism aside though because therapy was my last hope.

                My therapist, Dr. Karen Ruskin, was nothing like I pictured a therapist to be like. She was pretty and friendly (not to mention a native New Yorker as well)! The therapy session was interactive which I guess I didn’t expect seeing as I was stuck in the cliché where an old therapist makes you lie down, nods, says things like “mhmm” and “how do you feel about that?” One of the first things she did was ask me to describe my vagina. It caught me off guard but I described it as being gross, scary, weird, ugly, etc. She suggested I try changing way I think about my vagina leading me to change the words I use to describe it. I left my first visit with more positive words – beautiful, open, ready to bloom (I really loved the flower references).

Dr. Ruskin suggested I look at paintings by Georgia O'Keeffe and now I can see why...

                For homework I had to get personal. I got a hand mirror and was instructed to look and touch my lady parts. I’m not gonna lie, I thought this was ridiculous because I had looked at it a million times before the surgery cursing it each time. This time, however, I witnessed my actual vagina opening up. It finally looked normal (side note: when I say normal I mean without the septate hymen because let’s be real, all vaginas look a little cray cray in their own way) and for a moment I just looked at it with a sense of appreciation. I didn’t think it was beautiful but it after all of the appointments and surgery I put it through, I concluded that it was definitely on its way.

                Less than a month after therapy, Jesse and I finally made love for the first time. Without the lovely Dr. Karen Ruskin, I don’t know if I would have been able to say that. She helped what I thought was an unsolvable problem and for that, I am forever grateful.

Meet the Virgin UPDATE

For my first ever post (juuust about a year ago today), I posted a photo of myself in which I blocked out the eyes because truth be told, I didn't want anyone to really know who the author was. I was scared and ashamed of my septate hymen and my sexuality. Well guess what?! A year has passed and I have come a long way. I'm totally comfortable expressing who I am and putting a face to this blog now. So without further adieu, let me (properly) introduce myself. I'm Emily and I'm 21 years old. I was born in New York state but this year, I moved to New Hampshire permanently to be with my boyfriend, Jesse. I got a tattoo of New York state on the day I gave up my NY license for a NH one. I'm majoring in Family Studies at the University of New Hampshire (Go 'Cats!) and minoring in Adolescent and Youth Development. I'm hoping to work with preteen and teen girls in the future educating and empowering them. I love going to the beach, baking desserts (when the oven behaves), singing along to the radio, going on random adventures with Jesse, hiking, camping, painting, and organizing (hello, OCD). As you can tell from the photo, I have red hair and green eyes (that are practically blind but whatever). I love mascara, cats, the color pink, cupcakes, raspberries, summer dresses, my iPod touch, and nail polish. I constantly wear 2 rings which are very symbolic to me. Oh yeah, and I really like to write. :)

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The Little Things (Inspirational Friday)

                I heard a country song the other day that caught me off guard. Sure, living in New Hampshire I’ve gotten accustomed to hearing country music because New Hampshire is a southern state stuck in the north. Songs to me usually have to be catchy and upbeat to hold my attention but something about this song forced me to stop and listen. The chorus goes like this:

                                “You’re gonna miss this

                                 You’re gonna want this back

                                 You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast

                                 These are some good times

                                 So take a good look around

                                 You may not know it now

                                 But you’re gonna miss this”

                I had been having a really stressful week because the bills were piling up, my job search was, well, a search, and the apartment was trashed thanks to all of the stuff we’d just moved from Jesse’s old apartment. I found myself thinking about how someday we’d have a bigger place, more money, etc., when this song, which I had heard earlier in the day popped into my head. It gave me a minute to stop and think about all of the small things that I’m sure I’ll miss in 5, 10, 20, or even 50 years. I’m going to list some of mine below and I encourage you to do the same thing.

1.       Paying for a pizza delivery with loose change.

2.       Signing a lease for our tiny one bedroom apartment.

3.       Slow dancing in the living room to “Give it All We Got Tonight” after a stressful day.

4.       Earning $8 an hour and feeling rich after getting a paycheck.

5.       Wearing my mom’s old black pencil skirt to a job interview.

6.       Working part-time as an assistant and feeling like an adult with a career.

7.       Eating ice cream in bed with my boyfriend, talking about the day and watching Desperate Housewives.

8.       Driving on the highway by myself while singing along to the radio.

9.       Filling up my gas tank for the first time and scoffing at the $35 total.

10.   Hanging out in a male dorm room awkwardly flirting and scandalously sipping Bud Light from a can.

11.   Making out with my boyfriend on his dorm room futon for hours.

12.   Trying out a new recipe for chicken and panicking when smoke poured out of the oven.

13.   Getting ID’ed at a bar.

14.   Fooling around with my boyfriend in the reeds at night on the beach.

15.    The first time any boy ever put his arm around me.

The main takeaway here is to live in the moment and don’t miss the little things. All of the things I just listed didn’t (or don’t) seem important while they were (or are) happening, but looking over this list now I’m realizing how they are the big things. I’m making it my mission to try and live in the moment more. I want to enjoy the little things because as it turns out, they may just be the big things.

Virgin Territory Trailer!!!

I mentioned in my last post that I was a part of the new MTV show 'Virgin Territory' and I just found out that the trailer has been released! I've posted it below if you care to see it! I appear between 0:59-1:03.

Let me know what you think and make sure to watch on July 16th at 11/10c!

Liberation

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Inspirational Friday

There are moments of uncertainty in our lives everyday. Being a control freak, I dread these moments because it leaves me incapable of predicting what will happen next. Recently, however, I've learned to get acquainted with (embrace is a strong word) these moments because as I grow up they have been, and will continue to be, ever-present in my life.

I believe that talking about our fears makes them less scary. I consider myself to be an introvert (with occasional extrovert tendencies) which means that I'm a serial thinker. I tend to take existing problems and create bigger - or worse - more problems from one single issue. Luckily for me, Jesse continues to challenge me by taking my hand, pulling me out of my cozy and secure metaphorical box and forcing me to face my fears.

And talking it out does help. This probably seems a little middle school but there's something so powerful about sharing the burden with someone else. It's a win-win situation. I feel better because I've verbalized things that have only ever been thoughts and Jesse feels better because he gave me his time and a listening ear and voila! his girlfriend is back to normal.This is obviously works the other way around too, but being a girl (not to mention one who is currently PMSing), I feel the need to share my problems and create a team bond out of it.

So in spirit of all this, I'm going to share what my current fears are:

1. I just quit a job that I hadn't even started at yet. You see, something in my gut told me that I shouldn't work there and after a few days of mulling and two serious conversations with Jesse, I resigned. So I'm now jobless and praying that my interview works out next week. That brings me to my next fear...

2. Money. This one is a bit of a surprise because I am a savvy saver. I even spent spring semester in an awful night class learning about personal finance! Buuut now that I live on my own and have to buy my own groceries, pay bills, do laundry (those quarters add up), I find myself struggling. This fear was heightened after my recent job resignation because after my paycheck next week, I'm not sure when the next one will be...

3. My job interview is set for 1:00pm on the 28th and I kind of need this job. *Cue sweaty palms*

4. I was cast for an MTV show which will be airing this summer and I'm nervous to see how it is going to play out. (I'll be blogging heavily about that later on because the show, titled 'Virgin Territory' is what this blog is all about!)

Phew! I could probably go on and on but part of this fear revealing is to just focus on the main problems...not freak out about every sub-problem that could come from everything. Instead of creating a tree of sub-problems, focus on the thick branches towards the base. Tackle those, and the little problems won't even exist.