Dunkin Donuts: Did YOU know?!

With just a little over a month left of summer 2015, I'm coming to the realization that I really did nothing else but work. Oh, well. Dunkin Donuts is actually a pretty cool place to work (read: free coffee). I work 35 hours a week and thought I would share some behind the scenes/helpful information that I've learned as an employee.

1. You can order individual munchkins. With tax, a single munchkin is 27 cents. Or, you can #TreatYoSelf and get 5 for $1.
2. If you are going to be ordering a Box O' Joe, please come inside to order it. They take some time to make and other customers at drive thru get pretty angry at us for taking so long even though it was because of you and your order.
3. We throw out all donuts at the end of the night. No, you cannot come in before close and get them for free.
4. Before you get pissed with the person at the window for "screwing up your drink" please realize that the drive thru process works like this: someone greets you and takes your order. Then, someone at the drive thru counter will make your drink (me!) and place it on a mat to be delivered to you via the person at window. See? Not only did the person at the window not make your drink, but they didn't even hear you order because they don't wear a headset.
5. If you're sitting in the backseat and trying to order, either yell - literally YELL - your order or tell it to the person driving so they can place it for you. We can't hear you in the backseat,
6. Please stop telling us that the area near the speaker smells like trash. The garbage is back there. It is going to smell like garbage.
7. Dunkin Donuts is a franchise so the guy who owns my Dunkin Donuts also owns 14 others in the area. This means that every Dunkin Donuts is different. Please stop trying to argue about how you paid $2.99 for a sausage, egg, and cheese at a location in Connecticut and how you should be charged the same at my store in New Hampshire. We are all different.
8. Stop ordering in the most nonsensical ways. "Dark roast, 4 creams, iced, 1 Splenda, medium coffee, please" doesn't make any sense in terms of sentence construction. Try this: "Medium iced dark roast with 4 creams and 1 Splenda please!" It's not that hard people.
9. We offer a senior discount but you'd be surprised by the amount of people that abuse this. It's 10% off but we get the occasional customer who is no older than 40 who asks for it. That's the other part of the senior discount - YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR IT. Even if you look like you're going to die tomorrow, we can't just give it to you. People get offended and complain if we do.
10. Speaking of discounts, if you have an AARP card, you can get a free donut with a beverage purchase!
11. You can order a cup of ice, a cup of ice water with a lemon, or a hot cup to put over your cold cup to keep it cold longer. We will charge you the price of a munchkin for any of these though. But hey, it's only 27 cents!
12. Stop complaining that we are too happy for 5am. Like, dude, I'm exhausted. It's 5:15am, I got 4 hours of sleep and I'd still like to be sleeping buuuut I need money and I'm getting paid to be smiley. Plus, we accept tips (*wink, wink, nudge, nudge*) so the happier I am to you, the more I'm hoping you'll be inspired to drop some dolla-dolla bills in my tip jar.
13. Speaking of tips, we split them so while I appreciate your 50 cent tip, there are 10 people here so you do the math...
14. If you are a dick to whoever is taking your order, I won't give you decaf coffee like a lot of other baristas would. Instead, I just give you an excessive amount of ice which means less coffee for you. Or, in a hot coffee, I won't be as generous with filling it up. So please be nice to whoever is taking your order.
15. We can hear you. Seriously. The speaker has a sensor so even if you aren't directly in front of our speaker, our headsets beep and we can "tune in" to the speaker. This means we can hear the weird side conversations you have. Same goes with when you "pull up" to the window. If there are cars in front of you, and you can only pull up 4 feet, the sensor doesn't turn off and we can still hear you. I've heard people swearing, yelling at their kids, and talking about vomit. On the inside, we all get a lot of good laughs.
16. We can also see you. We have cameras that look at your car so I can see what kind of car you drive and how you're behaving. Once, I saw a woman hit her steering wheel multiple times when I told her we were out of maple frosted donuts. I guess she was having a bad day. 
17. Don't tell us how to make your drink. We've got it. If you're that picky, you should just make it at home yourself.
18. If you're super nice, we'll hook you up! Being super nice lands you extra munchkins and a drink stirred to perfection.
19. No, the bagel twists or the guacamole flatbread are not coming back. You whining about it isn't going to change that either.
20. If you enjoy your coffee or your experience, TELL US! If you took a moment to actually look at your receipt, you'd realize that there's a survey at the bottom. Our managers love getting feedback and we crew members love it, too! Please, take the survey. If you do, you get a free donut! Who doesn't love donuts?!