3 weeks.

It has been 3 weeks and 1 day since my surgery and I'm doing fine! I mean, it hurt when I peed for the first 2 days but since then it's been a breeze! At first, sitting in certain positions was a little uncomfortable but I mean, I never took any Advil or painkillers so I couldn't have asked for a better turnout!

On another note, the stitches have been falling out which was weird at first. I don't know how many sets there were but so far I've lost 2. My boyfriend was so sweet and looked at it a week and a half after surgery and it looked fine! It was open and I was so excited to see it looking like an actual vagina!

However, I looked at it today and it doesn't look like that at all...In fact it looks like it did before which is freaking me out. I still have a mental block because I still think of myself as being blocked. Getting over the whole mental block is going to be a struggle for sure. I had my period last week and tried using tampons and it hurt so bad so I had to stop.

I just hope that I can get over this mental block....

What's up with my hymen?!?!

Hello lovelies! So today I'm going to blog about a few of the most common abnormalities you might find with your hymen. I still remember the day I discovered mine. It was before our yearly family vacation to the beach and I was fearful that my period would make an appearance again so I decided to give tampons a shot. I got a mirror out for guidance and attempted to insert the tampon. Let me tell you folks, it didn't go in. At all. Even worse, it kind of hurt. I thought I might be doing it all wrong so as many people in my generation do, I went to Google. Somehow, stories of girls with septate hymens popped up and I saw a photo of a sketched septate hymen that looked similar to what I was looking at in the mirror. I got really upset when I realized I would eventually need surgery to have sex and use tampons. But here we are, I've not only made the first steps to getting it fixed, but I've heard firsthand from a doctor that it'll be taken care of.

Imperforate Hymen: The first time you examine yourself (I highly advise that all of you do ASAP so you don't have a horror tampon or sex story), you might look completely sealed off. Like I said, mine is a septate hymen but the holes are SO tiny, a Q-tip would have trouble fitting. However, the true test with this hymen is your period. If you get a period, you do not have an imperforate hymen because the blood wouldn't come out! If you do get your period but it takes a looong time to finish, you might have a.....

Microperforate Hymen: This hymen usually means your period will last longer than 7 days. It also means (depending on the size of your hole) that you won't be able to insert tampons without pain. Similar to this hymen is the....

Septate Hymen: This hymen is personal because it's the one I have! If you have this type of hymen (again, depending on the size of the holes), you might be able to use tampons! However, you can get the tampon in, just not out because it expands when soaked with blood. If you have a thin septate, it might break during sexual intercourse but you'll be left with a "tag" or the piece of the hymen hanging down. Many choose to get this removed.

THE GOOD PART is that all of these can be fixed by simple surgical procedures. I highly advise all females to see what kind they have so they don't have a bad experience. If you have an imperforate hymen, it is imperative that you see a doctor ASAP because you need to have your period! The blood will just build up if not operated on which can cause all sorts of health problems. 

So what are you waiting for ladies? Get a mirror and take a look! If you have a abnormality, call the doctor whenever you're ready and start on the journey I'm on. The journey to normalcy.  

First visit? CHECK.

Phew! Well, I can officially say I've survived my first visit to the gynecologist! Honestly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I mean I'm not gonna lie and say it was a walk through the park, but it wasn't the worst thing I've ever done.

Since it was my first visit, I had to do paperwork for a good 10-15 minutes beforehand. My handwriting sucked because I was shaky and nervous. After I filled all of that out, I went into the room with the nurse who took my blood pressure, height, and weight. After that, she left and I had to wait for the doctor. Waiting is the worst part but I got to wait fully clothed, which was quite pleasant. 

Turns out the doctor wasn't there so I had this lesbian nurse/midwife examine me. Honestly, I was super pissed because I told her from the start that I couldn't insert anything (i.e. finger, tampon, penis) and she proceeded to tell me she was going to examine me with a speculum and do a pap smear. I kindly had to remind her that nothing would fit because I tried endlessly with tampons but for whatever reason, she didn't seem to believe me. It actually took her trying to insert a finger and me jumping a foot and a half back in the seat in pain for her to realize that a full exam wasn't gonna happen. If only she had listened in the first place.... 

What also pissed me off was that after many failed attempts at insertion, she asked me if I had ever been abused or raped to which I was like, "Um, no." I was nervous because she was trying to insert huge objects that I told her wouldn't fit and she thought it was because I'd been raped.

She put me on the Pill which I guess was the only real benefit to the exam. I'm only upset because instead of having a surgery scheduled, I have another appointment this time with the REAL doctor. Hopefully she'll be more helpful. I absolutely hate doing things without a purpose so this infuriates me. I just want to be fixed gosh darn it! 

I cried a little earlier because I'm frustrated. Sometimes being a woman really stinks. I just want this to be over not even to have sex or use tampons, just so I don't have to have this hanging over my head anymore. I've known about this problem for 4 years now and ever since, it's always been in the back of my mind.