Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015!!!

Happy Holidays from Apartment 23!

At the end of each year, I get suuuper nostalgic as I look back on the past year. I always conclude that the past year was the best year of my life and I can never imagine how the next year could possibly top the past year but it always seems to. This year is no different. Here is a list of my top ten favorite moments of 2014!

1. Having my first ever New Year's kiss with Jesse at 12:00:01 AM.
2. Celebrating my 21st birthday at the bar with Jesse by doing shots of Absolut peach. 
3. Reaching the one year milestone with my one and only!
4. Travelling to Disney to see my sister as a castmember.
5. Moving into a tiny one bedroom apartment with Jesse.
6. Surprising my sister in Florida who had absolutely NO IDEA I was coming!
7. Old Orchard Beach 2014♥
8. Watching my episode of MTV's Virgin Territory and live Tweeting.
9. Buying and decorating our first ever Christmas tree while it snowed.
10. Meeting tons of fans after Disney's Frozen on Ice.

2014: My Favorite Moments♥

#RelationshipGoals

#RelationshipGoals have taken the Internet by storm. Search the hashtag on Twitter and you will see hundreds of photos of celebrity couples embracing, a man holding a woman's purse, a beautiful bouquet of flowers left on a girl's doorstep as a surprise, and so on. The hashtag is basically a place for people with some sort of build up of tension to admire the relationships of other people. While searching this hashtag can warm the heart ('tis the season) it can also get old reeeeeeeeeal fast.

I'm all about relationships - always have been and always will be. When I moved to college, there was a line drawn: either you were anti-relationship or pro-relationship. Being pro-relationship, I tried meeting guys, flirting awkwardly, and texting coyly during the fall semester of my freshman year (a semester that I'd like to CRTL + Z if ya know what I mean). I assumed everyone was trying to find love and found out that not everyone has the same intentions. In fact, I met some very anti-relationship people and let me tell you, if you meet anyone who is very adamant in their disbelief of love you should run as fast as you can from that person.

ANYWAYS. The point of this blog isn't to discuss my past. I want to stress the importance of personal relationship goals. Don't be jealous of that girl you played basketball with (or was it field hockey...?) who just posted a photo of her 3 trillion roses from #bae because apparantly, that's how their relationship goes! Jealousy is evil and the Internet makes it pretty easy to be consumed with it. I want everyone to keep in mind that what works for one couple won't necessarily work for another.

So what do I mean by personal relationship goals? Well for starters, stop comparing yourself to the photos, videos, and Tweets you see online! Think about all of the things that you love about your girlfriend/boyfriend. Maybe it's the way they make just enough coffee so that you can have a cup or maybe it's the way they make you laugh. Love can't be measured in material objects. Small actions say way more about your relationship than any amount of VS panties, jewelry, or flowers ever will.

The next time your boyfriend texts you "Good Luck :-)" before an exam, gives you the last scoop of ice cream, or puts on your favorite song in the car, just soak in the moment and realize that those are the things that true love is made of. Often, the true #RelationshipGoals aren't tangible and cannot be photographed.

'Virginity Testing' in Indonesia

Earlier this week, I was shocked to read about Indonesian women who had applied to be police officers going through what is called, 'virginity testing.' Upon further research, I learned that this practice doesn't occur in Indonesian alone, but other parts of the world as well. The most common method of testing is called the "two finger test" in which two fingers are inserted into a woman's vagina basically to see how tight it is (in this case, the tighter her vagina, the greater likelihood she is a virgin). The individual performing the test will also check for the infamous hymen.

Not only is this test unnecessary, it is also very degrading and painful for these women. What I don't understand is the fact that the hymen itself isn't necessarily a telltale sign of virginity. For girls born with the so-called "normal hymen," they can stretch/tear/break their hymen from partaking in a number of random activities and guess what? They're still virgins! What about for the girls like me who were born with an extra band of tissue? I was a virgin with my septate hymen and a virgin after my hymen was surgically removed. If the absence of a hymen indicates the loss of virginity then I "lost" my virginity to my doctor while I was knocked out.

Virginity testing serves no purpose other than to humiliate and degrade the women who are subjected to it. In some cultures, virginity testing is used to determine whether or not a female is worth marrying. Believe it or not, males in other cultures may reject a woman if she isn't a virgin. It's sad to think some women will be rejected because they didn't pass the virginity test. I cannot believe we live in a world where such tests are even allowed.

Furthermore, being a police officer and being a virgin are two totally different and unrelated things. If a woman in Indonesia wants to be a cop why does she also have to be a virgin? I suspect virginity testing exists in order to keep women out of the police force as it usually is a "male job." If that's true then this is a bigger problem of gender inequality.

I applaud the women who despite the humiliating test are able to join the police force in Indonesia. However, these women should not have to subject themselves to such a test in the first place. I think more people need to realize the need for equality - not only in America but the rest of the world as well. We also need to respect the fact that a woman's virginity is private to her and shouldn't be exploited for the purpose of a job application.

For more information, visit CNN or the Human Rights Watch.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

So it's the morning after my episode (also the season finale) of Virgin Territory premiered and despite only getting 5 hours of sleep last night, I'm on top of the world!!! As cheesy as this sounds, I can't even find the right words to describe how I felt last night. It felt like Christmas morning.

This journey started when I was born. Unbeknownst to me or my parents, I would grow up with a rare type of hymen. When I was 16 and found out what it was, I would always ask why I had to be one of few to have been born with a septate hymen. The process to remove it was emotionally taxing and forced me to confront a lot of mental issues I had as a result. I was given the opportunity of a lifetime when MTV called to tell me I was selected for Virgin Territory.

I got so much hate for filming the show. It hurt to have people I called my good friends gossip, spread rumors, and look down on me for being a virgin. I'm happy to report that those people are now removed from my life. Haters are always gonna hate. Or as T. Swift says, "people throw rocks at things that shine."

All I ever wanted out of this show was to help one girl. 5 years ago, I would've loved having someone to look up to who was going through the same things as me. I decided to be that role model and make an example out of myself in the hopes that girls everywhere would feel like they could have someone to look up to and talk to. For everyone else, my goal was to educate the world on an issue some girls face that few people know much about.

I guess the point of this post is to say THANK YOU to all of the people who supported me during the surgery, during the emotional aftermath, during production for the show, and to all of my new followers whose tweets last night made this entire journey worth it.

Thanks to everyone who tweeted their support...especially these guys.

Now for some personal thank yous:

To my mom, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly thank you enough for everything that you've done for me. Knowing that I made you proud means everything to me. Thanks for raising Laura and I to be the strong, confident women we are today.

To my sister, Laura, all of those years playing with dolls I never ever thought I'd have a real life"Bratz Rock Angelz" moment. Thanks for playing along with all of my crazy ideas even though I never finished any of them...We've definitely made the Bratz proud.

To my boyfriend, Jesse, the day I met you I never thought this would be how our lives turned out. Thanks for waiting for me, for pushing me to keep moving forward, and for always caring about me. You are the reason why I even bothered to go to the doctor and have the surgery in the first place.

To Dr. Karen Ruskin, I've already thanked you a million times, but once again, thank you for helping me get through my mental block! If it wasn't for your help, I would still be the same scared girl who you met during my first session.

Flowers from my favorites. :)

For the first time since this journey began, I can finally see the reason for all of this happening. That's my favorite part of life - being able to reflect on the journey and finally see the truth. I wasn't born with a septate hymen because God wanted me to suffer. I was born with a septate hymen so I could someday educate and empower women who were just like me. I feel like I've been handed the key to the world. It's a really cool feeling to know that you are actually impacting lives. I'm incredibly blessed to have been born the way I was and I'm incredibly blessed to have some of my biggest dreams come true. And, of course, I'm so blessed to have each and every one of you in my life. Thank you.

Post Virgin Territory Update!

Hi everyone! I decided to write this post to update you on what has happened since I filmed for MTV's Virgin Territory. If you'd like to read more about why I quit the show, you can click here.

1. I am no longer a virgin. Despite that the editing that suggested I lost it at the end of my segment, I actually lost it about a month after filming. It was a truly beautiful moment that I will never forget.
2. I've been working on a special project for girls with septate hymens. It's a website that I'm hoping will become a positive resource for girls to chat with other girls experiencing the same kinds of things. (Side note: if you have/had a septate hymen, I want to hear your story and feature it on my blog! Send me an email at SeptateSisters@yahoo.com!!)
3. Jesse and I are still together and plan on being together forever and ever and ever. Yes, we still go out on every 'monthiversary.'
4. Sex is now a huge part of our relationship. We are enjoying (finally!) a fantastic physical relationship.
5. Jesse and I live together now! Wheeeeeeee! Living with your best friend is the absolute best thing ever.

Well, there you have it! Any other questions about filming or anything that wasn't clear to you on the show, let me know in the comments or by sending an email to SeptateSisters@yahoo.com!

P.S. Stay tuned for more information on my website launch! :) :) :)

You Can't Buy My Virginity!!!!!! (The Truth About MTV)

5 words - "I'm no longer a virgin" - was the only thing I had to say. That sentence, or opposite - "I'm still a virgin because..." - were highly sought after by the production team at MTV. Those 5 words would've satisfied the producers and given me a pretty generous paycheck but I refused to utter them.

Let's back up to the moment I heard that I was chosen to be part of the cast for Virgin Territory. I was ecstatic that my story would finally be heard and that I could potentially help hundreds of girls just like me. After the excitement wore down, I soon learned that reality TV had a darker, more technical side. I was presented with a contract which I read over (twice) like a hawk, highlighting things that made me unsure. I spoke to one of the executive producer's for the show and asked her about the discrepancies. I was satisfied with the phone call but realized that I had to lay down rules of my own. Rules that none of the producers knew of still to this day.

I made it my mission to talk to everyone who would be on the show and figure out what their restrictions were. I talked extensively with my boyfriend, Jesse, about what we would/wouldn't talk about and about what we would/wouldn't do. Since we are both firm believers in no PDA, we decided a quick kiss was the farthest we'd go on camera. We also set one other ground rule: when we had sex, if it happened during or in between filming, we would not talk about it on camera. Period. (Side note: the end of the episode makes it seem like Jesse and I had sex the last night of filming and my first time was actually about a month later.)

During filming, the producers found it strange that we wouldn't talk about certain things (for example, what we did in the bedroom the night before). They also approached me multiple times to ask why we wouldn't cuddle or makeout on camera to which I always responded, "That's something we're not comfortable doing for the cameras." We had good reasoning, too. I was using the show for purely educational reasons and to help other girls with septate hymens. Jesse was only doing the show because I wanted him to. Looking back, I'm really surprised and impressed that he was a part of it because he's the type of guy who hates having his picture taken.

When I lost my virginity, I wasn't sure whether I should tell MTV or not. I ended up telling the producers who were thrilled because after all, isn't that the point of the show? I'm not allowed to give away any filming secrets but does anyone else think it's weird that almost all of the cast members lose their virginity while filming...!? I would say they were equally shocked that I refused to talk about it. That set a certain exec off who told me the following things:

1. I had to talk about it because I had signed the contract. (Lie. No where in the contract did it say that I was required to reveal the final status of my virginity.)
2. If I really loved Jesse, I would tell everyone I wasn't a virgin anymore. (Jesse found this particularly funny because as far as he was concerned, our love making didn't matter to anyone but to us.)
3. If I didn't reveal that I  wasn't a virgin, I wouldn't be on the show. (Which I am. September 24th at 11/10C!)
4. How can she, the producer, film something that isn't truthful. (HA HA HA the irony)
5. How can she end my story properly?! (I countered this statement asking her how she would've ended my story if I was still a virgin. Funny thing is, I think they were planning on everyone losing it therefore providing them the perfect ending.)
6. Don't you want to help young girls!? (Yes, yes I did. Buuut saying I wasn't a virgin had no impact on helping them get through their surgeries.)

I was fuming. Later that week, I got the filming schedule for their next trip to New Hampshire. Listed as one of the "things to do" was a re-enactment of a certain  life event. That was it. I emailed the producers and quit.

Pressing send on that email was the most liberating feeling. I was free! I will add that I was asked multiple times to do a closing interview to "clear up some confusion" to which I refused. I believed it was a trap and that I would get tricked into talking about my first time.

I'm sure some of you don't understand why I refused to say those 5 words. I asked myself why a thousand times after quitting because it was one sentence that would've made paying rent a lot easier. But money isn't everything. I would've forever felt terrible about selling my virginity which is essentially what most people on the show did. Granted, not everyone lost it and not everyone had such a strong opinion on it. For me, I kept my dignity and took matters into my own hands. I'm not afraid to admit that I lost my virginity to the world but I sure as hell wasn't saying those 5 words on MTV to satisfy the producers. Virginity can't be bought. Remember that.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M READY?!?!?

So you wanna lose your virginity. Maybe you've finally found the girl or guy of your dreams and you're ready to take it to the next level. Before getting down and dirty, I advise each and every one of you to think it through because you only get one first time and no one wants to regret it!

How to know if you are ready to have sex.

1. First things first. Ladies, if you haven't already, check your lady parts to make sure that you don't have an irregular hymen. Don't know what to look for? Read all about the different types of hymens here.
2. Talk about it! If you can't have a serious conversation with your significant other about having sex, you're probably not ready. Talking about having sex is a mature thing to do and if you can't, well, you probably aren't very mature and therefore shouldn't be doing it.
3. You've gotten tested. I'm totally guilty of not doing this but being a virgin, I knew I was safe and my boyfriend was safe because he had only ever had sex with two other virgins. If you or your partner has a sketchy history, just get tested. Better safe than ridden with chlamydia (or gonorrhea, syphilis, or any other nastiness)!
4. YOU want to. I cannot stress this one enough. You should never (I mean never, ever, ever, ever, EVER) have sex with someone because you feel like you have to. Both participants have to mutually want to do it. Maybe your boyfriend would like to have sex one month into the relationship but you'd rather wait until it's been 6 months. That's totally ok! However, in the mean time if you're feeling pressured by your boyfriend or he is threatening to not wait, you should probably get rid of him. A guy who wants to be with you will wait for you until YOU are ready.
5. You've played a little baseball. Relationships usually build. I don't think many go from just meeting to having sex in one night. If you've made it to first base (french-kissing), second base (touching sexy parts), or third base (oral sex), you are on your way to being ready to make it to home plate! Please note that you can skip bases. If you've never wanted to put your mouth near a penis, feel free to skip third! What I'm trying to say here, is that if you've fooled around for a while with someone, you're probably going to want to have sex with them.
6. You've got a plan. If you're thinking about what method of birth control you want to use (and have discussed this with your partner) then you are making progress towards being ready! Particular method doesn't matter (although I'd advise against the 'Natural Family Planning' or 'Pull Out' method here). What matters, is that you have one. What do I mean by "have one?" Make sure it's bought/prescribed/inserted or whatever needs to be done to ensure that you won't have a +1 in 9 months.
7. If the New York Times' heading the morning after was "[Insert Your Name] and [Insert Partner's Name] Made Love," you'd be ok with that. Not that they would, but if you'd be ok with everyone finding out that you and your partner just had sex, you're probably ready to have sex. You should be having sex with someone you're proud to be having sex with.
8. You know his name. This is for all of my crazy partiers. If you're into one night stands, great! Your sex life should be what you want it to be. I'm only suggesting this because for even the craziest of partiers, you're going to probably want to remember his name for practical (and self dignity) reasons.
9. You love your body. If you're an insecure person, you need to work on letting all of the little insecurities go! Remember, the person you have sex with is going to see you naked. You won't be able to hide that weird acne on your butt, the fact that you forgot to shave your armpits, or that extra slice of pizza you just ate. But don't worry! That boy who you are about to have sex with is not interested in your weird insecurities. If you are in a loving relationship, this boy loves you for you! You are beautiful to him and you turn him on! Plus, boys aren't going to notice the things that seem really obvious to you. Just as an example, I have a decent sized mole on my butt and I mentioned it to Jesse the other day who, until I showed him, had no idea that it existed! 
10. You feel comfortable with your partner. Like I already mentioned, if you're going to have sex with someone, they are going to know you in a very intimate way. Sex for the first time is not going to be like the movies. You are most likely going to have to tell your partner what does/doesn't feel good, what to do more of/less of, how fast/slow to go, etc. If you don't think you would be comfortable expressing your needs to your partner, you probably aren't ready.

If you feel confident with the 10 things I've just listed, you might just be ready to have sex! The truth is, only you know when you're ready to have sex. There probably won't be a 'eureka!' moment. But while developing a relationship with someone, feelings will intensify and the time will present itself. Don't overthink it. Let things work out the way they're meant to work out and play safe!