2 Years Post Surgery...A Reflection

Two years ago I woke up from the surgery that forever changed my life. (Although on social media I posted that it was three years ago only to be corrected by my sister who remembers e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g - thanks Laur!)

When I discovered my septate hymen in 2009, I let it define who I was. I kept it a secret and internalized a lot of really negative thoughts I had about my body and who I was as a woman. It is during the teenage years that we are the most insecure so needless to say, my septate hymen became one of my biggest insecurities. Luckily, it was something I could hide from everyone.

My insecurity led to the belief that I was defective as a woman and that no one would ever want to be with me. As a result, I kind of hid from guys. I admired guys from afar but made no attempts to talk to them because that would lead to feelings and potentially a relationship which over time, would reveal my secret.

By the time I moved to college, a lot of my insecurities were put on the back burner so I could enjoy the college experience. Unfortunately they were brought to the surface again when I met a guy in November. He was interested in me and I reciprocated that interest and we began a very informal relationship. Things fell apart before he found out about my septate hymen but all along, I knew it was something I wasn't going to tell him. Like, I knew it would have been a deal breaker. Isn't that sad?

By defining ourselves by our sexuality we devalue who we are as people. For so many years I defined myself by what I was physically able to do in a relationship. I knew I was more than that but because I was physically different than other girls, I let a piece of tissue define who I was.

Meeting Jesse allowed me to escape my insecurity and shatter the way I defined myself. The fact that I had a septate hymen was never an issue for him. When he found out, he actually researched it while I was in class so he could understand what it was and what needed to be done to have it removed. He was there every step of the way and I am forever grateful for his support and constant love.

It's crazy to think that it's almost been a year since my episode aired on MTV's Virgin Territory, The night it aired was one of the most magical and exciting nights of my life. The support I've received and the girls that I've been able to help through this experience have made every setback in the process worth it. It's insane how one little piece of tissue has changed my life.

#tbt Sneak a Peak of My Journal!!!

Ah, the teenage years. Seven years of glasses, acne, braces, and hormones. My teenage years are pretty well documented as I've kept a journal since I was a sophomore in high school. The last time I visited home, I brought back all of my old journals so I could read them. Besides giving me a good laugh, my journals give me a new sense of perspective. When you're fifteen (♩somebody tells you they loooove you, you're gonna believe them♬), there are certain situations you find yourself in that leave you believing that nothing could possibly be any worse than that day, week, or moment. It isn't until years later when you crack open the binding of an old journal are you able to see that everything turned out okay. 

As I put my journals away onto my bookshelf here in New Hampshire, I suddenly recalled that I had made an entry right after I discovered my septate hymen. Below, I'm sharing that entry with all of you. Please note the raw emotion and melodramatic undertones.

Ahhh, teen angst...

The denial is pretty apparent. "I mean, I could get that skin removed but ew no" really sums up my general feelings at the beginning. It makes me laugh now, almost 6 years later, because I really assumed that I would 1) never have to take care of it 2) that it would somehow break on its own and 3) that I would somehow still never be able to use tampons.

 In any case, I'm happy to be past 2009.

Septate Hymens, Statistically Speaking

Since the day I discovered my septate hymen, I've always wondered how prevalent having one is. Recently, I turned to the library databases via UNH which house hundreds of databases with thousands of scholarly journals, articles, and studies. I was sure that I'd be able to uncover some information on septate hymens. I found a whopping two articles.

According to one of those articles, which came from the European Journal of Pediatrics, hymenal abnormalities are found in 1-2% of females. The imperforate hymen is actually the most common abnormality. While it didn't specify the least common, the infamous septate hymen occurs in .7% of females. 0.7%!!!!!!!!!!

This number is small. Think about it this way, for every 100 baby girls born, less than one of them will have a septate hymen. So you're probably thinking that 1) I have the worst luck ever or 2) that what I went through will only be experienced among a handful of girls. Statistically, I'm here to prove the latter wrong.

According to Worldometers, there are 7,162,119,434 people in the world today. This number, however, is constantly changing as people are being born and are dying as I write this. Buuut for all intents and purposes, that is the number we are going to use here. 49.6% of the world population is female which means that there are 3,552,411,239* females in the world today.

Feel small yet?

If there are 3,552,411,239 females and .7% of those females have (or had) a septate hymen, that equals 248,668,799** females born with septate hymens...!!! That's roughly 250 million girls!

250 million girls that exist in the world today were born with septate hymens. That number blows my mind. I think back to when I discovered mine and recall how lonely I felt. 250 million might seem like a lot, but chances are, those girls aren't neighbors or friends. We are spread out across the world, often left to face the reality of our unusual reproductive system on our own.

To all of my septate sisters out there, I've said it before and I'll say it again; you are not alone! There are literally millions of girls who are just like you (and me)! Stay strong! :)

How about them odds?!

*Actual number 3,552,411,239.26 but I rounded down.
**Actual number 248668799.6748 but I rounded up.

RESOURCES:

• www.worldometers.info/world-population/
• Watrowski, R., Jager, C., Gerber, M., & Klein, C. (2014). Hymenal Anomalies in Twins - Review of the Literature and Case Report. European Journal of Pediatrics. 173(11), 1407-1412. doi:10.1007/s00431-013-2123-3

Announcing Septate Sisters!!!!!!

Hello everyone! As some of you know, I've been hard at work building my own website and now I'm proud to announce it has launched!

Introducing my very own website!

 When I first discovered my septate hymen, like a proper 21st century teenager, I turned to the internet. I frequented health forums where I read stories of girls who were just like me and I found comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone. However, the health forums were vague and impersonal which is where Septate Sisters comes in. Septate Sisters is for all of the girls out there born with that extra band of tissue to connect with other girls like them! It's a place where girls can share their stories throughout their journeys.

If you have a few minutes, please go check it out! Let me know what you think!

What About Septate Hymens...?!?!

This semester I'll be taking a course called 'Human Sexuality' which, surprisingly, is actually a requirement for my major. To be honest, even if it wasn't a requirement, I would have still been interested in taking it. Anyways, I received the textbook for the class the other day in the mail and as I typically do as soon as I receive all of my textbooks, I flipped through it. I was particularly interested in seeing if they mentioned something about septate hymens.

They didn't.

Our Sexuality...$150 later...

Chapter 3 is dedicated to the female anatomy and flipping through it, I saw more vaginas then I wanted to. The textbook itself verges on porn with extremely graphic photos of different sex positions...but I digress. I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, that based on the detail given about all of the other lady parts, that this textbook would FINALLY discuss the infamous septate hymen. I was very disappointed to see that, once again, it was left out.

How about them apples...?

However, they did discuss, ever so briefly, the imperforate hymen. If you don't know what the imperforate hymen is, you can read more about it here. My understanding is that the authors, Crooks and Baur, decided that this hymen was worth mentioning because it is the only one that requires attention ASAP. With that being said, this is a college level textbook and anyone with this type of hymen would have likely realized they had it/gotten the necessary surgery already. 

What about septate hymens?!

As you all know, the main reason for this blog and for my appearance on MTV's Virgin Territory is to raise awareness of septate hymens. While it doesn't require immediate attention, it still has the power to really screw up someone's life if it goes unnoticed. My proposal to the authors of this textbook is to include septate hymens in the next edition of Our Sexuality. We need to start raising awareness to the other variations in hymens. Every person who has approached me about the MTV show has told me that they had never heard of septate hymens before I opened up about it. This needs to change...for all of the girls out there, whether they are aware or not of their extra band of tissue.

One Year Update!!!

I decided to make an update post because after I successfully overcame all of my fears surrounding my lady parts, my update posts stopped which was a shame because those posts are my favorites to go back and read because the growth is so apparent. One year ago, I had already lost my virginity so this post is going to be a one year update.

Overall, this past year of having sex has been, well, fun! The connection between Jesse and I was strong before we started having sex but now, we are so much closer. While I still don't consider sex to be the most important thing in a relationship, it is still extremely important on the individual level as well as the relationship level. I've learned so much about myself, Jesse, and us as a unit.

However, there have been a couple times during the heat of things that  my fears rush back and I get scared again. These relapses have only happened a couple of times but I go through the same motions of becoming tense and pushing away. The good part is that I'm able to quickly remind myself that it's all okay down there and we can continue the love making. I think the scariest part of these relapses is knowing that the fears I once had still marginally exist.

The good news is that I am a strong woman who is determined not to be dragged back to the place I was in the fall of 2013. I've come so far in this journey that I refuse to let a rouge thought of pain deter me from making love. My therapist gave me lots of tools to combat these demons and during these moments of relapse they become my weapons. I thought once I had sex the fears were gone forever but I'm dealing with the reality that they might always come back to visit once in a great while.

I want all of the ladies out there to know that this septate hymen journey - post or pre surgery - is continuous. Whatever stage you are at right now, do not give up! You can do this! If you're fears are consuming your every thought, there are plenty of therapists out there to listen and help! Or, you can always talk to me and I'll be happy to do the same! After all my septate sisters, we're all in this together!  :) 

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

So it's the morning after my episode (also the season finale) of Virgin Territory premiered and despite only getting 5 hours of sleep last night, I'm on top of the world!!! As cheesy as this sounds, I can't even find the right words to describe how I felt last night. It felt like Christmas morning.

This journey started when I was born. Unbeknownst to me or my parents, I would grow up with a rare type of hymen. When I was 16 and found out what it was, I would always ask why I had to be one of few to have been born with a septate hymen. The process to remove it was emotionally taxing and forced me to confront a lot of mental issues I had as a result. I was given the opportunity of a lifetime when MTV called to tell me I was selected for Virgin Territory.

I got so much hate for filming the show. It hurt to have people I called my good friends gossip, spread rumors, and look down on me for being a virgin. I'm happy to report that those people are now removed from my life. Haters are always gonna hate. Or as T. Swift says, "people throw rocks at things that shine."

All I ever wanted out of this show was to help one girl. 5 years ago, I would've loved having someone to look up to who was going through the same things as me. I decided to be that role model and make an example out of myself in the hopes that girls everywhere would feel like they could have someone to look up to and talk to. For everyone else, my goal was to educate the world on an issue some girls face that few people know much about.

I guess the point of this post is to say THANK YOU to all of the people who supported me during the surgery, during the emotional aftermath, during production for the show, and to all of my new followers whose tweets last night made this entire journey worth it.

Thanks to everyone who tweeted their support...especially these guys.

Now for some personal thank yous:

To my mom, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly thank you enough for everything that you've done for me. Knowing that I made you proud means everything to me. Thanks for raising Laura and I to be the strong, confident women we are today.

To my sister, Laura, all of those years playing with dolls I never ever thought I'd have a real life"Bratz Rock Angelz" moment. Thanks for playing along with all of my crazy ideas even though I never finished any of them...We've definitely made the Bratz proud.

To my boyfriend, Jesse, the day I met you I never thought this would be how our lives turned out. Thanks for waiting for me, for pushing me to keep moving forward, and for always caring about me. You are the reason why I even bothered to go to the doctor and have the surgery in the first place.

To Dr. Karen Ruskin, I've already thanked you a million times, but once again, thank you for helping me get through my mental block! If it wasn't for your help, I would still be the same scared girl who you met during my first session.

Flowers from my favorites. :)

For the first time since this journey began, I can finally see the reason for all of this happening. That's my favorite part of life - being able to reflect on the journey and finally see the truth. I wasn't born with a septate hymen because God wanted me to suffer. I was born with a septate hymen so I could someday educate and empower women who were just like me. I feel like I've been handed the key to the world. It's a really cool feeling to know that you are actually impacting lives. I'm incredibly blessed to have been born the way I was and I'm incredibly blessed to have some of my biggest dreams come true. And, of course, I'm so blessed to have each and every one of you in my life. Thank you.

Post Virgin Territory Update!

Hi everyone! I decided to write this post to update you on what has happened since I filmed for MTV's Virgin Territory. If you'd like to read more about why I quit the show, you can click here.

1. I am no longer a virgin. Despite that the editing that suggested I lost it at the end of my segment, I actually lost it about a month after filming. It was a truly beautiful moment that I will never forget.
2. I've been working on a special project for girls with septate hymens. It's a website that I'm hoping will become a positive resource for girls to chat with other girls experiencing the same kinds of things. (Side note: if you have/had a septate hymen, I want to hear your story and feature it on my blog! Send me an email at SeptateSisters@yahoo.com!!)
3. Jesse and I are still together and plan on being together forever and ever and ever. Yes, we still go out on every 'monthiversary.'
4. Sex is now a huge part of our relationship. We are enjoying (finally!) a fantastic physical relationship.
5. Jesse and I live together now! Wheeeeeeee! Living with your best friend is the absolute best thing ever.

Well, there you have it! Any other questions about filming or anything that wasn't clear to you on the show, let me know in the comments or by sending an email to SeptateSisters@yahoo.com!

P.S. Stay tuned for more information on my website launch! :) :) :)

Virgin Territory: Meet the Cast

Recently, MTV published an article featuring the remaining 10 virgins. Below is my little blurb! I'm so proud to be raising awareness for septate hymens! :)

Read about my other castmates here and don't forget to watch MTV's Virgin Territory every Wednesday night at 11/10c!

Stop the Shaming!

While watching the previews for Virgin Territory, I've noticed something interesting. To the oblivious viewer, they see nothing but a girl with red hair proclaiming over and over how scared she is. But when I watch, I can't help but notice the true fear and shame in my eyes.

We like to think that being ashamed relates to bad behavior. Those moments when you fake sick to stay home from school (hello, preschool), sitting in the corner by yourself as punishment for being naughty, or having a teacher hand back a test you didn't do so well on. These are all shameful moments but I think we, as individuals, shame ourselves more than any one else does. I know I did.

Figuring out that your lady parts are different than everyone else around you was a really difficult thing for me. Without even realizing it I began to compare myself to other girls (namely, the girls that used tampons because that was definite proof to me that they did not have septate hymens). Every time a girl mentioned needing to buy tampons, or asking if anyone had an extra tampon, I would immediately think of my septate hymen and then I'd feel jealous. I started to define myself as "sexually defective" because I couldn't do what other girls were doing.

As a perfectionist, I hate not being perfect. Now, I will be the first to tell you that I'm not perfect but perfectionism is in the eyes of the perfectionist, and in my eyes, my septate hymen made me imperfect. At 16, I became so ashamed of my body, especially my sexuality because I knew, medically, that it wasn't perfect. I began referring to my surgery as "getting fixed" as if I was broken. I withdrew from guys and social situations in which I might meet guys because I truly believed no boy would ever want to be with me if I was "sexually defective." 

I'm a bit teary-eyed writing this because these are all feelings that I felt without truly realizing their impact. When I watch myself on MTV, I see that ashamed girl and my heart goes out to her.But that's one of the cool things about being on the show. I will forever be able to look back at my time on the show and see how far I've come. 

I'm happy to report that I'm no longer ashamed. I am confident in myself and my sexuality. But to all of the ladies, we have to stop self-shaming. It's damaging. Our brains are wonderful but we quickly forget how easy they believe what they've been told hundreds of times. To my septate sisters out there, you are not broken, defective, or worthless...you were just born with a little extra somethin'. But believe me when I say, it's nothing to be ashamed about.