Okay, okay deep breaths. So it's currently 2:00am and I've been online researching my surgery for the past few hours. I texted my boyfriend earlier being all hysterical and dramatic. He didn't know why I was freaking out so badly seeing as my consultation isn't even until (technically) tomorrow. But what he, and I'm sure many others, don't understand is that I have extreme anxiety when it comes to doctors. I really can't pinpoint this fear specifically but the thought of the doctor, needles, blood, etc. instantly makes my heart race, my palms sweat, and my body cringe. Which is ironic because here I am, voluntarily going to the gynecologist.
This will be my first visit to the gynecologist and I am nervous for a plethora of reasons. The main one being that a stranger is going to be looking at my vagina. (Um, WHAT?) That alone is freaking me out. People on the web forums I've been religiously reading say it's not that bad but I'm still skeptical. I feel uncomfortable already and I'm fully clothed, curled up in my bed on my laptop.
I keep telling myself to be brave. I'm hoping that I can force myself to think of this as being a positive thing, as the first step to a sexual relationship. I keep telling myself that this will all be worth it soon and that someday I'll laugh...even though the only thing I want to do is scream and cry.
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