First visit? CHECK.

Phew! Well, I can officially say I've survived my first visit to the gynecologist! Honestly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I mean I'm not gonna lie and say it was a walk through the park, but it wasn't the worst thing I've ever done.

Since it was my first visit, I had to do paperwork for a good 10-15 minutes beforehand. My handwriting sucked because I was shaky and nervous. After I filled all of that out, I went into the room with the nurse who took my blood pressure, height, and weight. After that, she left and I had to wait for the doctor. Waiting is the worst part but I got to wait fully clothed, which was quite pleasant. 

Turns out the doctor wasn't there so I had this lesbian nurse/midwife examine me. Honestly, I was super pissed because I told her from the start that I couldn't insert anything (i.e. finger, tampon, penis) and she proceeded to tell me she was going to examine me with a speculum and do a pap smear. I kindly had to remind her that nothing would fit because I tried endlessly with tampons but for whatever reason, she didn't seem to believe me. It actually took her trying to insert a finger and me jumping a foot and a half back in the seat in pain for her to realize that a full exam wasn't gonna happen. If only she had listened in the first place.... 

What also pissed me off was that after many failed attempts at insertion, she asked me if I had ever been abused or raped to which I was like, "Um, no." I was nervous because she was trying to insert huge objects that I told her wouldn't fit and she thought it was because I'd been raped.

She put me on the Pill which I guess was the only real benefit to the exam. I'm only upset because instead of having a surgery scheduled, I have another appointment this time with the REAL doctor. Hopefully she'll be more helpful. I absolutely hate doing things without a purpose so this infuriates me. I just want to be fixed gosh darn it! 

I cried a little earlier because I'm frustrated. Sometimes being a woman really stinks. I just want this to be over not even to have sex or use tampons, just so I don't have to have this hanging over my head anymore. I've known about this problem for 4 years now and ever since, it's always been in the back of my mind.