Overall, this past year of having sex has been, well, fun! The connection between Jesse and I was strong before we started having sex but now, we are so much closer. While I still don't consider sex to be the most important thing in a relationship, it is still extremely important on the individual level as well as the relationship level. I've learned so much about myself, Jesse, and us as a unit.
However, there have been a couple times during the heat of things that my fears rush back and I get scared again. These relapses have only happened a couple of times but I go through the same motions of becoming tense and pushing away. The good part is that I'm able to quickly remind myself that it's all okay down there and we can continue the love making. I think the scariest part of these relapses is knowing that the fears I once had still marginally exist.
The good news is that I am a strong woman who is determined not to be dragged back to the place I was in the fall of 2013. I've come so far in this journey that I refuse to let a rouge thought of pain deter me from making love. My therapist gave me lots of tools to combat these demons and during these moments of relapse they become my weapons. I thought once I had sex the fears were gone forever but I'm dealing with the reality that they might always come back to visit once in a great while.
I want all of the ladies out there to know that this septate hymen journey - post or pre surgery - is continuous. Whatever stage you are at right now, do not give up! You can do this! If you're fears are consuming your every thought, there are plenty of therapists out there to listen and help! Or, you can always talk to me and I'll be happy to do the same! After all my septate sisters, we're all in this together! :)
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