Introducing the Blood Test Survival Guide!!!

Do YOU have an appointment approaching? Don't wanna sit and stare at tacky wallpaper while at the doctor's office? Sounds like you need a............

Being squeamish of needles, blood, and doctors, I really wish I had a survival guide when I was having my blood drawn! I definitely could've used a distraction...!

If you print a BTSG and use it at an appointment, I'd love to see it! Post it here or tweet it to me @SeptateSisters!

Feel free to print copies to bring to any of your appointments! To print, right click and select 'Open Image in New Tab', then File > Print. Happy Blood Testing!

Stop the Shaming!

While watching the previews for Virgin Territory, I've noticed something interesting. To the oblivious viewer, they see nothing but a girl with red hair proclaiming over and over how scared she is. But when I watch, I can't help but notice the true fear and shame in my eyes.

We like to think that being ashamed relates to bad behavior. Those moments when you fake sick to stay home from school (hello, preschool), sitting in the corner by yourself as punishment for being naughty, or having a teacher hand back a test you didn't do so well on. These are all shameful moments but I think we, as individuals, shame ourselves more than any one else does. I know I did.

Figuring out that your lady parts are different than everyone else around you was a really difficult thing for me. Without even realizing it I began to compare myself to other girls (namely, the girls that used tampons because that was definite proof to me that they did not have septate hymens). Every time a girl mentioned needing to buy tampons, or asking if anyone had an extra tampon, I would immediately think of my septate hymen and then I'd feel jealous. I started to define myself as "sexually defective" because I couldn't do what other girls were doing.

As a perfectionist, I hate not being perfect. Now, I will be the first to tell you that I'm not perfect but perfectionism is in the eyes of the perfectionist, and in my eyes, my septate hymen made me imperfect. At 16, I became so ashamed of my body, especially my sexuality because I knew, medically, that it wasn't perfect. I began referring to my surgery as "getting fixed" as if I was broken. I withdrew from guys and social situations in which I might meet guys because I truly believed no boy would ever want to be with me if I was "sexually defective." 

I'm a bit teary-eyed writing this because these are all feelings that I felt without truly realizing their impact. When I watch myself on MTV, I see that ashamed girl and my heart goes out to her.But that's one of the cool things about being on the show. I will forever be able to look back at my time on the show and see how far I've come. 

I'm happy to report that I'm no longer ashamed. I am confident in myself and my sexuality. But to all of the ladies, we have to stop self-shaming. It's damaging. Our brains are wonderful but we quickly forget how easy they believe what they've been told hundreds of times. To my septate sisters out there, you are not broken, defective, or worthless...you were just born with a little extra somethin'. But believe me when I say, it's nothing to be ashamed about.

This season on Virgin Territory....

Make sure to tune in every Wednesday at 11/10c to see Virgin Territory on MTV!

#TBT My Therapy Session!

After my surgery, I was elated. The storm clouds had cleared and I could finally breathe again. There was nothing physical preventing me from having sex or using tampons. Once my 4 week healing period was up, I was so excited to get it on with my boyfriend. But just as every other part of this adventure, I was met with another challenge.

                I was absolutely sure that I would lose my virginity on September 16.That day has no significance in either of our lives but that day marked the end of the long 4 week healing period. I (thought) I was ready, he was ready, what was the problem? The problem happened to be my brain. See, the doctor physically cut my hymen off (sorry for the bluntness) but she didn’t cut out the part of my brain that was attached to my hymen’s presence. Basically, I still felt as though my hymen was present even though it was probably sitting in the hospital waste pile.

                Many ‘first time’ attempts later, I was convinced that I was cursed. Every time Jesse was about to enter me, I would freak out similar to how I reacted prior to the surgery when the doctor would get anywhere near my vagina. I would then get frustrated and cry because I wanted to have sex so badly but couldn’t because I still felt as though my hymen was there. Jesse and I decided that the only person who could help was a therapist.

                Not gonna lie, I was so skeptical of going to see a therapist. I had no idea what a therapist would say to correct me of the ‘mental/emotional block’ I was dealing with. I had to toss my skepticism aside though because therapy was my last hope.

                My therapist, Dr. Karen Ruskin, was nothing like I pictured a therapist to be like. She was pretty and friendly (not to mention a native New Yorker as well)! The therapy session was interactive which I guess I didn’t expect seeing as I was stuck in the cliché where an old therapist makes you lie down, nods, says things like “mhmm” and “how do you feel about that?” One of the first things she did was ask me to describe my vagina. It caught me off guard but I described it as being gross, scary, weird, ugly, etc. She suggested I try changing way I think about my vagina leading me to change the words I use to describe it. I left my first visit with more positive words – beautiful, open, ready to bloom (I really loved the flower references).

Dr. Ruskin suggested I look at paintings by Georgia O'Keeffe and now I can see why...

                For homework I had to get personal. I got a hand mirror and was instructed to look and touch my lady parts. I’m not gonna lie, I thought this was ridiculous because I had looked at it a million times before the surgery cursing it each time. This time, however, I witnessed my actual vagina opening up. It finally looked normal (side note: when I say normal I mean without the septate hymen because let’s be real, all vaginas look a little cray cray in their own way) and for a moment I just looked at it with a sense of appreciation. I didn’t think it was beautiful but it after all of the appointments and surgery I put it through, I concluded that it was definitely on its way.

                Less than a month after therapy, Jesse and I finally made love for the first time. Without the lovely Dr. Karen Ruskin, I don’t know if I would have been able to say that. She helped what I thought was an unsolvable problem and for that, I am forever grateful.

Meet the Virgin UPDATE

For my first ever post (juuust about a year ago today), I posted a photo of myself in which I blocked out the eyes because truth be told, I didn't want anyone to really know who the author was. I was scared and ashamed of my septate hymen and my sexuality. Well guess what?! A year has passed and I have come a long way. I'm totally comfortable expressing who I am and putting a face to this blog now. So without further adieu, let me (properly) introduce myself. I'm Emily and I'm 21 years old. I was born in New York state but this year, I moved to New Hampshire permanently to be with my boyfriend, Jesse. I got a tattoo of New York state on the day I gave up my NY license for a NH one. I'm majoring in Family Studies at the University of New Hampshire (Go 'Cats!) and minoring in Adolescent and Youth Development. I'm hoping to work with preteen and teen girls in the future educating and empowering them. I love going to the beach, baking desserts (when the oven behaves), singing along to the radio, going on random adventures with Jesse, hiking, camping, painting, and organizing (hello, OCD). As you can tell from the photo, I have red hair and green eyes (that are practically blind but whatever). I love mascara, cats, the color pink, cupcakes, raspberries, summer dresses, my iPod touch, and nail polish. I constantly wear 2 rings which are very symbolic to me. Oh yeah, and I really like to write. :)

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The Little Things (Inspirational Friday)

                I heard a country song the other day that caught me off guard. Sure, living in New Hampshire I’ve gotten accustomed to hearing country music because New Hampshire is a southern state stuck in the north. Songs to me usually have to be catchy and upbeat to hold my attention but something about this song forced me to stop and listen. The chorus goes like this:

                                “You’re gonna miss this

                                 You’re gonna want this back

                                 You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast

                                 These are some good times

                                 So take a good look around

                                 You may not know it now

                                 But you’re gonna miss this”

                I had been having a really stressful week because the bills were piling up, my job search was, well, a search, and the apartment was trashed thanks to all of the stuff we’d just moved from Jesse’s old apartment. I found myself thinking about how someday we’d have a bigger place, more money, etc., when this song, which I had heard earlier in the day popped into my head. It gave me a minute to stop and think about all of the small things that I’m sure I’ll miss in 5, 10, 20, or even 50 years. I’m going to list some of mine below and I encourage you to do the same thing.

1.       Paying for a pizza delivery with loose change.

2.       Signing a lease for our tiny one bedroom apartment.

3.       Slow dancing in the living room to “Give it All We Got Tonight” after a stressful day.

4.       Earning $8 an hour and feeling rich after getting a paycheck.

5.       Wearing my mom’s old black pencil skirt to a job interview.

6.       Working part-time as an assistant and feeling like an adult with a career.

7.       Eating ice cream in bed with my boyfriend, talking about the day and watching Desperate Housewives.

8.       Driving on the highway by myself while singing along to the radio.

9.       Filling up my gas tank for the first time and scoffing at the $35 total.

10.   Hanging out in a male dorm room awkwardly flirting and scandalously sipping Bud Light from a can.

11.   Making out with my boyfriend on his dorm room futon for hours.

12.   Trying out a new recipe for chicken and panicking when smoke poured out of the oven.

13.   Getting ID’ed at a bar.

14.   Fooling around with my boyfriend in the reeds at night on the beach.

15.    The first time any boy ever put his arm around me.

The main takeaway here is to live in the moment and don’t miss the little things. All of the things I just listed didn’t (or don’t) seem important while they were (or are) happening, but looking over this list now I’m realizing how they are the big things. I’m making it my mission to try and live in the moment more. I want to enjoy the little things because as it turns out, they may just be the big things.

Virgin Territory Trailer!!!

I mentioned in my last post that I was a part of the new MTV show 'Virgin Territory' and I just found out that the trailer has been released! I've posted it below if you care to see it! I appear between 0:59-1:03.

Let me know what you think and make sure to watch on July 16th at 11/10c!