T-minus 12 hours.....

Hi everyone! So my surgery is TOMORROW. I woke up this morning really nervous and couldn't eat until like 2 in the afternoon but my nerves have subsided. In fact, I'm waaaay less nervous than I thought I'd be. I used to get more nervous for my pediatrician yearly physicals! I guess that means I'm somewhat over my fear of doctors. I've gained something from this whole process after all!

I think I'm calmer because I know what to expect. I've been told everything that's going to happen so I don't have that whole "fear of the unknown" thing. That always seems to be the cause of my fear. I'll let everyone know what happens afterwards so you can expect a verrrry long blog post tomorrow!

As for tonight, I have to bathe in antiseptic solution and stop eating after midnight. Right now, I'm in chow mode. I'm eating everything and anything I can. I mean, YOLO right?! Haha but in all seriousness, I'm really glad with how things are working out. I'm proud of where I am today!

Dear Hymen, (a letter)

Dear Hymen,

We've been together for 20 1/2 years now and we're approaching the day in which we will be separated. It's a little sad to think of us parting ways but it's for the best.

It's not your fault you didn't form correctly when I was in my mother's womb. You had no idea that 16 years later I'd figure out how I was a rare case. Ever since I realized your presence I've cried an unimaginable amount of times.

Trying to lose you has been a journey. I remember the day the doctor told me I would, in fact, have surgery to rid myself of you and I was happy. I still am happy because this will allow me to use tampons, have sex, and children someday. Truth is if it's not today, it'll have to be someday.

Thank you for protecting me all these years. Knowing of your presence has kept me from making some stupid choices. You've given me time to figure out myself and my boundaries. But I have a boyfriend now and I suppose that's what changed it all. I promise you he will take care of me from here.

You have changed my life and I know you're just a small piece of skin but your impact has been profound. I've began tackling my fear of doctors and doctor appointments and I truly feel like I've grown as a person through this whole process. You've inspired me to share my story with everyone and let young girls out there know that it will be ok.

So thank you. You've caused temporary hell in my life but you've given me an opportunity to help females who are just like me.

Love,
Emily

UTIs can go DIE.

I'm not in a good mood. In fact, I really haven't been since Friday afternoon. As many of you know, Friday morning was my last appointment before surgery. The appointment went well and I was feeling really positive. My doctor will be doing the surgery and she just gave me the basics on everything to expect. All of my questions/fears were answered/calmed and I was looking forward to being done on Monday!

However, based on the title I'm sure you can tell that something went wrong...and it did. When it rains, it pours and as an award winning script writer would write, it was raining that afternoon. My doctor called in the early afternoon. It all happened so fast. She told me I had a UTI and they would have to cancel the surgery. I was stunned. So stunned that I'm surprised I remembered the info about the antibiotic she prescribed. I hung up the phone, told my mother surgery was cancelled, and started to cry.

So now here I am. Sunday night. Bitter that if I didn't have this UTI I would be resting for my surgery tomorrow. I was put on an antibiotic that I take for 3 days. I have a retest on Tuesday in which I will cross my fingers and pray that I am UTI free.

I broke down in the shower. This journey has been such a roller coaster ride. There have been times I've wanted to get off right in the middle of the ride and there have been moments in which I have felt my stomach drop and have felt pure fear. It has been hard, I'm not going to sugar coat it. But thankfully, I have the most loving, kind, and supportive team ever.

Without them, I couldn't do any of this♥

UPDATES!!!!

Hi everyone! So sorry for the lapse in time. I've been so busy lately with vacations and job applications and life in general...not to mention appointments on appointments. Anyways, as the title says, this is the updates post.

Update 1: July 26th was my follow up appointment after the ultrasound. The week before this appointment I was visiting my boyfriend's apartment so again, I was mostly sad from saying goodbye instead of being nervous. However, I was extremely nervous waiting in the examination room because I was there to hear if I had any other reproductive problems. I was expecting the worst. Luckily, my doctor said the results were normal and that my insides look perfect! I was so relieved because that means I can have my own babies! Surgery got real when she starting filling out the paperwork and told me they'd call back later with a date and time(!!!!!!)

Update 2: The call came at 2:00 in the afternoon. The receptionist told me that my surgery would be on August 12th at noon. I was also then scheduled for pre-surgical testing and then another follow up with the gynecologist for the 7th and 9th respectively. I was glad to finally have an actual date!

Update 3: Yesterday I had my pre-surgical testing at the hospital. I'd never been a patient at a hospital before so it was really strange. My mom and my boyfriend came along which was really nice. I checked in and gave all of my basic information and then was sent to the pre-surgical testing suite where I had to wait. Oh how I looove waiting. (Note the sarcasm). Finally the nurse called my name and asked if I needed the bathroom (ugh, urine test) so I'll spare you the details but just know it wasn't fun. Then I had to answer all of these questions about my health and stuff in the examination room with the nurse. Up until then it seemed like a walk through the park, but then she said she needed to take blood. Now, just to clarify, that has always been my biggest fear. No joke, when anyone would talk about blood tests, I'd immediately fold my arms together and cringe. Buuut here I was, being told I needed to have one. I asked the nurse "REALLY?!" 4 times. The actual blood test didn't hurt, but I was uncomfortable because I knew what was going on. After it was over though time started to slow and my ears started ringing and everything got all tunnel-vision-y and I got cold and sweaty and nauseous. My first thought was how bleeding out must be a terrible way to go. The nurse asked if I was ok and got me some water. Then, she explained what I needed to do on the day of the surgery. I asked for more water because I literally thought I was gonna pass out and she brought my mom and boyfriend in the room. I was finally able to walk out of the hospital. I got in the car though and just started sobbing. I just was so overwhelmed and wanted it to be over so bad.

But here I am one day later and determined. I've come so far since June 18th and I honestly never dreamed I'd make it this far. We truly are stronger than we think we are.

IT'S A..........(an ultrasound story)

Today was my ultrasound appointment and honestly, I was hardly nervous! I've come a long way since June 18th. Anyways, I had been instructed to drink 2 bottles of water an hour before my appointment and that was what I was dreading most. I woke up pretty early and got out of the shower a little late so I had to drink 32 oz. of water in just about 20 minutes. I literally felt like throwing up.

My appointment wasn't at my doctor's office but an actual radiologist center. The waiting room was filled with old and obese people so I looked very out of place. Every one kept staring at me and I'm sure they all thought I was pregnant. Oh, if only they knew how wrong they were...

I finally got called into the ultrasound room and the lights were all dim. The lady squirted a bunch of ultrasound gel on my pelvis and it kind of stung a little bit. The actual ultrasound wasn't terrible, but it was a little uncomfortable because I had to pee so badly at this point and she had to use a lot of pressure. She couldn't find my left ovary so she had to press harder and like I said, the pressure was just uncomfortable. But it didn't hurt at all.

The thing I was most nervous for was the radiologist to confirm my worst fear that I had a septate uterus or some other issue with my insides. Halfway through she said everything looked fine, but I obviously still have to see what my doctor says when I go back for the follow up. I'm just hoping everything is okay and we schedule the surgery and this can be all over.

I'm going to be so relieved when it is.

What's up with my hymen?!?!

Hello lovelies! So today I'm going to blog about a few of the most common abnormalities you might find with your hymen. I still remember the day I discovered mine. It was before our yearly family vacation to the beach and I was fearful that my period would make an appearance again so I decided to give tampons a shot. I got a mirror out for guidance and attempted to insert the tampon. Let me tell you folks, it didn't go in. At all. Even worse, it kind of hurt. I thought I might be doing it all wrong so as many people in my generation do, I went to Google. Somehow, stories of girls with septate hymens popped up and I saw a photo of a sketched septate hymen that looked similar to what I was looking at in the mirror. I got really upset when I realized I would eventually need surgery to have sex and use tampons. But here we are, I've not only made the first steps to getting it fixed, but I've heard firsthand from a doctor that it'll be taken care of.

Imperforate Hymen: The first time you examine yourself (I highly advise that all of you do ASAP so you don't have a horror tampon or sex story), you might look completely sealed off. Like I said, mine is a septate hymen but the holes are SO tiny, a Q-tip would have trouble fitting. However, the true test with this hymen is your period. If you get a period, you do not have an imperforate hymen because the blood wouldn't come out! If you do get your period but it takes a looong time to finish, you might have a.....

Microperforate Hymen: This hymen usually means your period will last longer than 7 days. It also means (depending on the size of your hole) that you won't be able to insert tampons without pain. Similar to this hymen is the....

Septate Hymen: This hymen is personal because it's the one I have! If you have this type of hymen (again, depending on the size of the holes), you might be able to use tampons! However, you can get the tampon in, just not out because it expands when soaked with blood. If you have a thin septate, it might break during sexual intercourse but you'll be left with a "tag" or the piece of the hymen hanging down. Many choose to get this removed.

THE GOOD PART is that all of these can be fixed by simple surgical procedures. I highly advise all females to see what kind they have so they don't have a bad experience. If you have an imperforate hymen, it is imperative that you see a doctor ASAP because you need to have your period! The blood will just build up if not operated on which can cause all sorts of health problems. 

So what are you waiting for ladies? Get a mirror and take a look! If you have a abnormality, call the doctor whenever you're ready and start on the journey I'm on. The journey to normalcy.  

Second Appointment!!!!!!!

So I'm sure you're wondering why I put 23984 exclamation points in the title. Well my fine female friends, that's because today was my appointment with the real doctor and it went SO WELL!!!!!

For starters, I didn't have time to be nervous because I was too worked up over my boyfriend leaving this morning. He came to visit Tuesday evening and stayed through 5am this morning. I always get super emotional when he leaves and by the time I had settled down, it was time for my 10:15 appointment with the gynecologist.

I was nervous driving there mostly because I didn't want a repeat of last visit. Last visit, I felt like I got nowhere which is the absolute worst feeling. We sat in the waiting room for a good 10 minutes which in my opinion, is the worst part. But soon enough, I was called to the back and assigned a tiny room where I was to sit and wait for the doctor.

Let me just say, I love my doctor which is a change for me because I usually hate them. She was so friendly and the first thing she said after saying hello was how her boyfriend had asked her if she'd gained weight after a July 4th BBQ! She was hilarious and then she turned on this monitor that was mounted to the wall and told me I could go online or watch TV while I waited! The best part is that she totally listened to what I said and put me at ease.

The actual exam part was the same. She promised me she wasn't going to put anything inside but when she was poking around it still hurt like crazy. She kept reassuring me that she was just touching, not inserting but I kept squirming and tensing my legs. But instead of giving up like the nurse she simply told me to make an appointment with a radiologist to get an ultrasound and then come back for a follow up which we will decide on surgery.

For those of you who aren't aware, sometimes people with septate hymens have septate uterus' which means I miiiight not be able to have kids of my own which not gonna lie, is a little depressing but I'll have to wait and see the results. I have my ultrasound appointment on the 10th and my follow up on the 26th.

As usual, I'll keep you all posted.