Inspirational Friday: The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow/Life Update

I cannot believe that it's already February 20th and I don't have that many posts up for this month! This past week in particular has been absolutely I-N-S-A-N-E and I found myself stressed beyond belief! Not only was this week one deadline after another but also a series of problems that added stress to the stress mountain that was building.

Monday: My center of operations, home to all of my documents, key to the world wide web, a.k.a. my laptop's charging port broke. I discovered this around 9am while I was sitting in the library prepared to spend half of the day getting school work done. Instead, I spent most of the time trying to wiggle the cable in the hopes that maybe the plug icon would appear in the lower right hand corner of the screen and I could continue my work without fearing a dead battery. No such luck. The good news? The charging port can be replaced! The bad news? It'll cost $200. Ouch.

Tuesday: Now Tuesdays in and of themselves are stressful because from the moment I get to school, I'm in classes/working until 5pm. I have a chemical engineering class (an elective believe it or not) from 9:40-11, human sexuality 11-12:30, work at the career center from 12:30-2, public health from 2-3:30, and finally criminology from 3:40-5. On this particular Tuesday I had 2 exams. "Ouch!" -My Brain.

Wednesday: At this point in the week, I was living off iced coffee courtesy of McDonald's with extra cream and extra sugar. When I started my car for work, just about every light was lit up on my dashboard. I should throw out the disclaimer that the check engine light is, and forever will be, lit up as no mechanic from New York to New Hampshire has been able to pinpoint what's causing it to come on. Sometime last week, the oil light began flashing so I panicked and took it to Jiffy Lube. Much to my, and the technician's surprise, the oil was full. On this particular morning, the temperature light was also flashing (we're up to three flashing lights now - cue the Kanye West song) which happens from time to time. Jetta Baby doesn't like the cold. As for her owner? She's gettin' a little sick of it, too.

Thursday: Apparently, too much caffeine and not enough water is bad for you. "Ouch!" -My Head.

Annnd here we are! It's Friday and the sun is shining, I'm hydrated and just finished cleaning my apartment. Jesse comes home in a little bit and we can catch up while we eat dinner in our cozy apartment which, according to Timehop, we paid the security deposit for one year ago. :) At the end of the day, I'm so happy for everything that I have in life and for where I am today. Life might get stressful from time to time but like Annie said, the sun will come out tomorrow.

Don't You Just Love Love?!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of the couples and singles out there! I've always liked Valentine's Day and I'm suspicious of anyone who doesn't. Valentine's Day is a day for celebrating love and in the words of my favorite mermaid, "don't you just love love?!"

The only thing I dislike about Valentine's Day is how marketed it has become. It seems like the day after Christmas aisles in stores are filled with boxes of chocolate that could double as a coffin for your sugar-induced death and teddy bears so large you need a tractor trailer to transport it to the (un)lucky recipient. Why can't Valentine's Day exist without unnecessary gifts?

I like to think of myself as a realist but deep down I'm a total hopeless romantic. I love watching proposal and wedding videos on YouTube for hours (although there is usually a correlation between Aunt Flo's visit and the amount of tear-inducing videos watched), receiving love notes, and Pinteresting thousands of wedding dresses even though I can only choose one. What can I say? I love a good love story. On a side note, I found the cuh-yoo-test wedding video on all of YouTube and if you can make it through the entire thing without shedding one tear, congrats, you don't have a heart.

Here's the thing: you celebrate Valentine's Day and not go over the top! Maybe it's because Christmas, Jesse's birthday, my birthday, our anniversary, and Valentine's Day fall within a month and two weeks of each other but we don't really celebrate Valentine's Day! I love making cute cards to give to family and friends but I don't think Valentine's Day is the only day you should acknowledge your love for those people.

I love my family, friends, and Jesse 365 days of the year. It's lovely to have a day to celebrate that love but at the end of the day, I always tell those closest to me how much I love them. Jesse and I, for example, never go to sleep without saying 'I love you' (part of that is this superstition that I have of either one of us dying in our sleep and therefore never getting to say 'I love you' for the last time).

Today, whether you're single or in a relationship, looking for a &$#! buddy or doing the long distance thing, tell someone you love them! Don't go spend all of your money on roses (so cliché), jewelry, chocolates, or whatever other material objects that represent love out there! The best gift of all - love - is free!

Happy 2 Years!

Yesterday Jesse and I celebrated 2 years of being together. I know it's cliché, but I honestly cannot remember what it was like to not have him in my life. The past 2 years have been filled with adventures that I never in a million years would've expected but I can honestly say that 2 years later, I wouldn't change a thing.

Jesse and I met 2 years ago right before my 20th birthday. My roommate had met Jesse and one of Jesse's friends the night before and invited me to hang out with them in Jesse's dorm room. She told me they were total rednecks who loved country music and despite hating both of those things, I decided to go upstairs because it was Thursday night and I didn't have anything else to do.

The first thing I remember was seeing Jesse's coat and thinking to myself, "oh my god, I'm meeting the guy with the coat" because I remembered seeing him around the dorm from time to time. We sat on his futon and talked for a few hours and the conversation just flowed. Usually I get really tongue-tied around boys but with Jesse, that awkwardness went away. I remember we had a lot in common and I went back to my own room after midnight not thinking too much about what just happened.

Two days later I turned 20! My friends threw me a surprise party and had even invited Jesse! I remember making eye contact with him throughout the party and he was just looking at me differently. I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words the way he was looking at me. It was the most kind and gentle look I've ever seen and 2 years later, I can still see it.

My friends dragged me off campus to what would be my first official "college party." It was loud and there was lots of beer, kissing, and yes, sex on the toilet. I was really uncomfortable with the whole situation and my roommate texted me to tell me that Jesse kept asking when I was coming back. It was, in that moment, it all clicked. I realized that all I wanted to do was see Jesse so I got my coat and my drunk friends (never walk alone at night on a college campus ladies) and made the long trek by foot - in 6 inch Jeffrey Campbells nonetheless - to Jesse's room where he was waiting for me.

The next two weeks consisted of cute text messages, flirting, and joint dining hall dinners. Our first official date was with my roommate and Jesse's friend. We went to picturesque Portsmouth to eat. After dinner, we walked around town and Jesse put his arm around me. That night we went back to his room to continue the date and we talked past midnight. We were holding hands on his futon and we kissed and the rest is history!

That summer we were four hours apart. Jesse would visit as often as he could and those visits meant the world to me. I spent the summer going to appointment after appointment with the goal of finally having surgery to remove my septate hymen. By the end of the summer, we made a promise that next summer we would be together someway, somehow.

Fall 2013 was the hardest semester of my life. I felt pressured by my (now ex) best friend to go out and make new friends which didn't allow for me seeing Jesse a lot. I constantly felt caught in the middle of two things I should never have had to choose between. When given the ultimatum from her, I chose Jesse. Our friendship deteriorated fast after that.

Last year at this time, Jesse and I were searching for apartments so that we could live together. I worked two jobs and saved every penny I earned for furniture, rent, and groceries. We looked at one apartment, a tiny one bedroom located just up the street from Jesse's old apartment and we signed the paperwork that night! We moved in together at the beginning of April and started life together as a cohabiting couple.

Cohabiting meant sacrifices. Instead of going home and seeing my family for the summer, I stayed here and worked. Money was always tight. When we weren't working (or commuting in Jesse's case), we were doing housework - organizing, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. Last summer was a lot of hard work but nothing beats waking up to the person you love every morning. :)

Well, here we are! These past 2 years have been quite a journey but I wouldn't change a single thing about our relationship. Last night as we sat across from each other at the restaurant, I couldn't help but take a moment to appreciate the past 2 years. Here is the boy who has done so much for me between driving four hours to visit me that first summer, holding me as I cried about surgery, co-starred with me on MTV, listened to my endless rants about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, and helped me make life decisions. All the while he was eating silently from the other side of the table, unaware that I was admiring him. I'm so lucky to have met someone as caring, loving, funny, and supportive as Jesse. I am forever grateful that I decided to walk upstairs that night 2 years ago.

Inspirational Friday: A Little Confidence Goes A Long Way

Jesse and I were talking the other day in the car about satisfaction in the bedroom - particularly about couples who are less than satisfied in that part of the relationship. We speculated as to why that might be and confidence and self-esteem were brought up. I believe the problem isn't performance but lack of confidence.

Confidence is often a problem for girls. I, too, struggled with my self-esteem in middle school and early high school. I hated my skin for it was spotted with acne and I thought my thighs and butt were too big. I think we all fall into that trap of watching movies, reading magazines, and passing people on the street and comparing ourselves to them. We think, "she's so pretty," "I'll never have legs like that," or "I wish I had bigger boobs" and the confidence we have in ourselves plummets.

I got over all of this petty stuff when I got to college because I recognized it as just that - petty. It's easy in middle school to get caught up in the media and wish you looked differently because you don't have a lot much going on in life (or at least I didn't). Moving to college I realized that comparing yourself to other people was pointless because the fact is, you will never be as tall as that Calvin Klein model or have big boobs like that girl in your math class or look like Carrie Underwood but that's because you're not that Calvin Klein model or that girl in your math class or Carrie Underwood. You never will be. But that's okay!

The problem with lacking confidence will impact every aspect of your life - sex life included. If you're not confident in the way you look, how in the world will you be able to enjoy sexy time?! You'll be too nervous about the way you look that you won't be able to focus on the way that you feel!

The thing is, if a guy is sleeping with you, he's clearly attracted to you in some way! In the heat of the moment, as clothes hit the floor, you've got to realize that he's already interested in the way you look or else he wouldn't be sleeping with you! I mean, would you sleep with someone you weren't physically attracted to in any way?! No, you probably wouldn't.

Jesse also gave me insight into the guy's perspective. He told me surprisingly that guys are willing to accept your flaws! Let's pretend you're really self-conscious about your stomach area. A guy who's interested in you isn't going to let that be a deal breaker! (Side note: if you know a guy who would let your insecurities be a deal breaker then he's a dick and you shouldn't want to be with him!) Just realize that guys aren't going to notice your insecurities - but they will notice your confidence in bed.

Does this mean you have to act like a porn star every time you have sex? No. This means that instead of acting all timid and hiding parts of your body under the sheets that you own it! Don't worry about how you look or how you're doing because there are more important things to focus on during sex. Focus on what feels good to you and what you like!

You truly have to love yourself and your body before being physically intimate with someone or else I don't think you can be truly happy with that aspect of the relationship. Who wants to worry about what they look like every time they have sex? Not me! Love yourself and own what you've got and I guarantee that life in the bedroom will be much more satisfying.

Jessica Alba summed it up perfectly!

#tbt Sneak a Peak of My Journal!!!

Ah, the teenage years. Seven years of glasses, acne, braces, and hormones. My teenage years are pretty well documented as I've kept a journal since I was a sophomore in high school. The last time I visited home, I brought back all of my old journals so I could read them. Besides giving me a good laugh, my journals give me a new sense of perspective. When you're fifteen (♩somebody tells you they loooove you, you're gonna believe them♬), there are certain situations you find yourself in that leave you believing that nothing could possibly be any worse than that day, week, or moment. It isn't until years later when you crack open the binding of an old journal are you able to see that everything turned out okay. 

As I put my journals away onto my bookshelf here in New Hampshire, I suddenly recalled that I had made an entry right after I discovered my septate hymen. Below, I'm sharing that entry with all of you. Please note the raw emotion and melodramatic undertones.

Ahhh, teen angst...

The denial is pretty apparent. "I mean, I could get that skin removed but ew no" really sums up my general feelings at the beginning. It makes me laugh now, almost 6 years later, because I really assumed that I would 1) never have to take care of it 2) that it would somehow break on its own and 3) that I would somehow still never be able to use tampons.

 In any case, I'm happy to be past 2009.

Pads vs. Tampons

It's the debate that begins the moment you get your period: pads or tampons? We all make a choice (unless the choice is made for you - thanks septate hymen) based on personal preference, what's currently in stock at your house, your daily activities, etc. If you haven't made the choice - or are thinking of switching - I'm here to facilitate the debate because I've been an active user of both.

First up, #TeamPad. 

#TeamPad 

                       Pros                                                     Cons
- You don't have to stick anything up your vagina.       - Wet diaper feeling.
- Easier to tell when it's time for a change.                       - If you leak, clothes will be ruined
- Reeeally easy to use.                                                                   - Leaking means having to clean up your                                    - Compact                                                                                              entire crotch.
                                                                                                                  - Wrappers make loud noises in public                                                                                                                                                              bathrooms.
                                                                                                                  - Can't flush them.
                                                                                                                   - Can't sit how you want with one on.

Verdict: Pads are great if you're just getting used to having Aunt Flo visit. They're really easy to use, too! However, getting used to having a wad of cotton in between your legs is a little strange not to mention that it constantly feels like you wet your pants. I recommend Always pads or something with wings or you'll be faced to buy new underwear every month. Get free samples and coupons for Always pads here!

Next up, #TeamTampon.
                                           

#TeamTampon

                        Pros                                                     Cons

- Once in, you can run, jump, swim, cartwheel, etc.                 - You have to stick something in your                                   -You always feel dry!                                                                             vagina.

- Flushable - no more looking for a trash bin!                             - You'll need a lot of different sizes                                                                                                                                                                      depending on your flow that day.

                                                                                                                            - A little more difficult to know when it's                                                                                                                                                           time to change...

                                                                                                                          - Pantiliners aren't always reliable for                                                                                                                                                                  backup if your tampon does leak.

Verdict: Tampons are f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c!!! The cons might outweigh the pros here, but I mean, come on, did you expect anything involving periods to have a lot of pros?! I keep a lot of each size on hand because I found that I prefer different sizes on different days. I highly recommend Tampax Pearl tampons because they are super easy to use! Whatever you use, I would stay away from cardboard applicators because those don't insert pleasantly...Tampax Pearl luckily has these thin plastic applicators so you don't have to worry about that! Click here for free samples and coupons!

The Winner: TAMPONS!!!!! Being a girl means getting a period so you might as well make that week once a month as easy and dry as possible and both of those things can be accomplished if you use tampons! I swear, they almost make you feel as though you're not menstruating!

Septate Hymens, Statistically Speaking

Since the day I discovered my septate hymen, I've always wondered how prevalent having one is. Recently, I turned to the library databases via UNH which house hundreds of databases with thousands of scholarly journals, articles, and studies. I was sure that I'd be able to uncover some information on septate hymens. I found a whopping two articles.

According to one of those articles, which came from the European Journal of Pediatrics, hymenal abnormalities are found in 1-2% of females. The imperforate hymen is actually the most common abnormality. While it didn't specify the least common, the infamous septate hymen occurs in .7% of females. 0.7%!!!!!!!!!!

This number is small. Think about it this way, for every 100 baby girls born, less than one of them will have a septate hymen. So you're probably thinking that 1) I have the worst luck ever or 2) that what I went through will only be experienced among a handful of girls. Statistically, I'm here to prove the latter wrong.

According to Worldometers, there are 7,162,119,434 people in the world today. This number, however, is constantly changing as people are being born and are dying as I write this. Buuut for all intents and purposes, that is the number we are going to use here. 49.6% of the world population is female which means that there are 3,552,411,239* females in the world today.

Feel small yet?

If there are 3,552,411,239 females and .7% of those females have (or had) a septate hymen, that equals 248,668,799** females born with septate hymens...!!! That's roughly 250 million girls!

250 million girls that exist in the world today were born with septate hymens. That number blows my mind. I think back to when I discovered mine and recall how lonely I felt. 250 million might seem like a lot, but chances are, those girls aren't neighbors or friends. We are spread out across the world, often left to face the reality of our unusual reproductive system on our own.

To all of my septate sisters out there, I've said it before and I'll say it again; you are not alone! There are literally millions of girls who are just like you (and me)! Stay strong! :)

How about them odds?!

*Actual number 3,552,411,239.26 but I rounded down.
**Actual number 248668799.6748 but I rounded up.

RESOURCES:

• www.worldometers.info/world-population/
• Watrowski, R., Jager, C., Gerber, M., & Klein, C. (2014). Hymenal Anomalies in Twins - Review of the Literature and Case Report. European Journal of Pediatrics. 173(11), 1407-1412. doi:10.1007/s00431-013-2123-3