Looking Back on Twenty-Two!

Twenty-two is a weird age to be. It's the first birthday that you don't really care about. You are acutely aware of your age and feel equal parts young and old. After twenty-one, all other birthdays are a letdown. You're now legally allowed to drive (hi, sixteen), vote, buy lotto tickets and porn (what's good, eighteen?!), and drink so twenty-two is kind of an 'eh' year.

At twenty-two, you'll realize that pretty much everyone you went to high school with is either a) pregnant b) engaged c) married or d) all of the above and it never gets any less weird. At twenty-two, if I was a, b, c, or d, I'd be tweaking out.

At twenty-two, kids are kind of like Pandora's box. Some days, I see cute kids, smile, and imagine the day I'll have some of my own and other days, I see kids screaming and crying and it makes me want to go get my tubes tied. There really is no in between with this feeling.

However, you'll feel a little pressured at twenty-two to have kids. I mean, when my mom was twenty-two, she was pregnant with yours truly. That freaks me out almost as much as the ticking biological clock. Women are the most fertile from eighteen through twenty-four so I'm running out of time. Although lately, the mindset is that if I have kids, fantastic, and if I don't, oh well. I've taken a neutral stance.

At twenty-two, you'll have days where you feel like you can conquer the world and days where you feel like conquering a whole new series on Netflix and an entire pizza. What? Cooking for yourself sucks.

At twenty-two, you've finally gotten past all of those tiny insecurities you always had with your body. Enjoy this by having lots of sex. I mean, better enjoy that naked body before all of the weird wrinkles and sags start happening...right?!

At twenty-two, it's still acceptable to accidentally get drunk at a wine tasting without anyone thinking you have a problem. Likewise, it's still acceptable to go to a bar, order one drink, and get a little tipsy without anyone making fun of you.

At twenty-two, you become very aware of money and how much of it you probably don't have. You'll also realize how bad it's going to suck post-college when you have to pay back hundreds of thousands of dollars to the government. #ThanksObama

At twenty-two, you realize that the next time your age will have two of the same numbers is when you turn 33. Panic ensues.

At twenty-two, you start to understand how short life really is. It is both scary and grounding. We never really know when it'll be our last day.

At twenty-two, you'll realize that it is always easier to love than it is to hate.

At twenty-two, you tell yourself to find a real doctor and start getting back into the routine of yearly physical exams. You decide to put this off until you're twenty-three.

At twenty-two, you start to get serious about politics and worldly events. You watch all of the debates and realize how interested you are in contemporary issues. The debate schedule makes it's way into your weekly planner. The day of the debate you're a little too excited to watch. You make popcorn. While you're eating the popcorn, you ponder if this is what you have to look forward to in your thirties, forties, and beyond. You imagine yourself watching the debates at fifty. Panic ensues.

At twenty-two, you can eat whatever you want and nothing happens. People around you tell you this won't last. You choose not to believe this and grab another slice of pizza.

At twenty-two, while binge watching 'Friends' you begin to emotionally connect with the words to the theme song and to the trials and tribulations of the cast. #RossAndRachelForever

At twenty-two, you'll realize that you are, in fact, happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time.

At twenty-two, you'll realize that you can't do everything but you are still good enough.

Getting ready to wish for something I'm sure...

Twenty-two, thanks for being the best oddball year of my life. Here's to twenty-three...!

Hopping off the Fast Track

With only one week left of winter break, I am preparing to start my last semester of college. My last semester of college. I still cannot believe I graduate in four months and five days. Time flies when you're having fun...or when you're busy.

I've always prided myself in going above and beyond each semester and still managing to come out on top. Sophomore year I held two jobs, Junior year I had three, and last semester, I had two jobs and an internship that required another twenty hours of my time per week. I'm happy to report that I managed to balance all of that and maintain straight A's once again. However, last semester was also a huge wake up call.

Last semester, the average day went a little something like this: wake up at 4:00 AM to get ready for work at Dunkin Donuts. 4:55 AM, clock in at work. 10:00 AM, clock out, grab a croissant and/or muffin and/or bagel and drive home to my apartment to change. 10:28 AM, drive to school while eating the croissant/muffin/bagel. Class from 11:00-12:30 PM. 12:30 PM, drive home from school, change, leave for my internship. Internship from 2:00-6:00 PM. Arrive home at 6:30 PM, eat dinner, attempt to catch up on homework/readings, shower, and try to get to bed by 9:00 PM. Repeat through Friday. I was exhausted. Physically and mentally exhausted. 

The weeks themselves blended together. I would wake up on Monday morning and before I knew what was happening, it was Friday afternoon and I had made it through another week. Saturday I was always too exhausted to do anything so I spent much of the time sleeping and watching Netflix. Sunday mornings I tried to be productive by cleaning the apartment, doing laundry, starting the week's worth of homework I had, etc. Sunday nights were probably the worst. I would get into bed and become overwhelmed with a huge sense of dread for the week to come. Sometimes I would even cry. "I can't do this anymore!" I would say in between sobs to Jesse. 

At the end of November, my body began to turn against me. I stopped getting my period and developed a severe ear infection that I actually had no idea I had until a few days ago. It was at this time that I knew something had to change. It was equal parts scary and sad to realize that my daily routine of getting up at 4:00 AM, running around all day until 6:30 PM and getting an average of 5-6 hours of sleep per night was doing such harm to my body. You can will yourself to go on as much as you want but at some point, you're body will give up.

I've since left my job at Dunkin Donuts which was very bittersweet but ultimately, for the best. This semester, I'm vowing to enjoy my last few months at UNH. I want to be able to get up at a normal hour and not always feel exhausted. I want to dedicate more time to the things that matter like my relationship with Jesse, my friends and family, planning events for my internship, and schoolwork. 

Hoping off the fast track is not something I like doing. I have always prided myself in being able to handle just about anything but after last semester, I'm taking a step back for myself. Staying in a routine that makes you miserable, tired, irritable, etc. isn't fair to you. I was trying to prove something to myself but at the end of the day, none of that mattered. I'm learning that success isn't measured by how much you can do, the crazy schedule you've set up for yourself, or how busy you are. Success is being happy and healthy. At the end of the day, I want to have time for the things that matter the most to me. 

So about this blogging thing...

So...senior year. Finally, it's midsemester and while I am super pumped about this, I'm also a little disappointed because it feels like it should be time to take finals. I seriously underestimated the pressure I would be dealing with this year and it has started to take a toll on me. To sum it up, I wake up every morning at 4am to get ready for work and I'm never home before 6pm (except Fridays - TGIF has become my life motto). Those 14 hours consist of running (okay, driving) back and forth between various jobs, classes, and my internship. To put it in perspective, I drive about 110 miles on my busiet days. TGTGPAPL (Thank God the gas prices are pretty low).

Do you know how difficult it is to get up every morning knowing you won't be finished with the day for 14 hours? It sucks and I hate it. Most of the days, I try not to focus on this. I just try to take one task at a time and move throughout the day while consuming loads of coffee and eating meals in the car. Recently, I've had to ween myself off coffee because I was becoming very aware of my constant racing heartbeat which can't be good. Let me tell you, going from drinking 3+ cups of coffee a day to only 1 has been a challenge in itself. This past week I was having difficulty staying awake once the clock struck noon.

I was doing pretty bad in the sleep department, too, until recently. 5 hours (or less) of sleep a night wasn't terrible but by the time I got home at 6pm and started to do homework I would literally fall asleep. This week, I was in bed by 9:30pm each night and OMG I actually remembered some of my dreams!

I am, however, trying to enjoy what's left of my undergraduate career at UNH because even though I'm dying for this semester to be done, this is it. I've been so busy that I haven't really had the chance to stop and think about the fact that graduation is 7 months away.

Time flies when you have none of it.

First Week Reflection!

The first week of senior year a.k.a. the last first week of school I'll ever have (*sniff*) is officially over and boy, am I tired! I'm trying not to think about the fact that this was my "easy" week because everyone knows the first week of college is "sylly week" where classes last as long as it takes to get through the syllabus. Only when you're a senior, "sylly week" is more of a stress week.

I only have 3 classes this semester. You're probably thinking, "that doesn't sound so bad" and you're right, it doesn't. Buuut you have to factor in working 30 hours a week so I can pay for life and 20 additional unpaid (*sniff*) hours a week at my internship. My internship hasn't officially started yet and while I am looking forward to it, part of me is dreading getting up at 4am to work followed by class which is followed by my internship until 6:30. Add a half hour drive to that means getting to my apartment at 7pm, eating/showering/studying/sleeping before repeating that process again the next day.

But this is it. My last year. It really hasn't sunk in yet although it made my heart legitimately ache when I saw freshman with their lanyards around their necks, chatting with each other on their way to lunch/class/the library. Part of me longs for those carefree, wild(cat hehehe) days. The other part of me is over it because let's be real - smuggling Mike's Hard Lemonade up your sweatshirt sleeve to transport it throughout the dorm isn't cool (although the goosebumps on your arms would say otherwise).

I already have more homework than I did my entire freshman year. To be fair, I would have had more homework as a freshman but for some reason didn't really understand that textbooks were meant for reading. Read chapter 3 for homework? COOL! NO HOMEWORK TONIGHT! #smh

I'm going to try and enjoy this last year in between all of the paper writing, studying, planning, and stressing I'll likely be doing. The thought of graduating already gives me the chills and when Angels and Airwaves 'The Adventure' comes on, I get a little teary-eyed.

UNH, there were times where I loved you and times I hated you but you kept me coming back for more (and spending more #DebtTillIDie). I hope you're ready for this last year.

Goodbye Summer, Hello Senior Year!

Summer is just about over and it's finally hitting me that I'm about to return to UNH for my senior year. It seems like I was just moving into my freshman year dorm feeling like I had all the time in the world. A word of advice: enjoy your time at college...it goes by way too quickly.

I've had an amazing summer. Most of my days were spent at good ol' Dunkin Donuts making coffee after coffee after coffee. I've grown to love working at Dunks aside from the whole alarm-going-off-at-3:15am-thing. My co-workers and I have bonded over the many sunrises we've witnessed together. We're all in the early alarm game together.

I had the opportunity to visit my sister and my mom in Florida. Running across the cast parking lot at Magic Kingdom into Laura's arms sobbing is something I'll never forget. I'm so proud of all that she has accomplished. It was the first time in over 6 months that my family was together in the same state and we had an amazing time together.

Senior year is going to be the busiest year of my life. I'll be balancing classes, a 20 hour/week internship, and 2 jobs to pay for well, life. As I'm writing this, I am equal parts excited, stressed, and motivated.

Post graduation, I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen or where I'll be in one year from today. Where will I live? What will I be doing? At this point, everything is up in the air which, surprisingly, isn't scaring me. I have a handful of options bouncing around my mind and I'm excited to see what happens. For the first time in my life, I'm not going to plan out every little detail. Instead, I'm going to sit back, enjoy the ride, and see where life takes me.

I've worked so hard these past few years and I know that no matter where I end up, I'll blossom. 2016 is going to be one heck of a year.

2 Years Post Surgery...A Reflection

Two years ago I woke up from the surgery that forever changed my life. (Although on social media I posted that it was three years ago only to be corrected by my sister who remembers e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g - thanks Laur!)

When I discovered my septate hymen in 2009, I let it define who I was. I kept it a secret and internalized a lot of really negative thoughts I had about my body and who I was as a woman. It is during the teenage years that we are the most insecure so needless to say, my septate hymen became one of my biggest insecurities. Luckily, it was something I could hide from everyone.

My insecurity led to the belief that I was defective as a woman and that no one would ever want to be with me. As a result, I kind of hid from guys. I admired guys from afar but made no attempts to talk to them because that would lead to feelings and potentially a relationship which over time, would reveal my secret.

By the time I moved to college, a lot of my insecurities were put on the back burner so I could enjoy the college experience. Unfortunately they were brought to the surface again when I met a guy in November. He was interested in me and I reciprocated that interest and we began a very informal relationship. Things fell apart before he found out about my septate hymen but all along, I knew it was something I wasn't going to tell him. Like, I knew it would have been a deal breaker. Isn't that sad?

By defining ourselves by our sexuality we devalue who we are as people. For so many years I defined myself by what I was physically able to do in a relationship. I knew I was more than that but because I was physically different than other girls, I let a piece of tissue define who I was.

Meeting Jesse allowed me to escape my insecurity and shatter the way I defined myself. The fact that I had a septate hymen was never an issue for him. When he found out, he actually researched it while I was in class so he could understand what it was and what needed to be done to have it removed. He was there every step of the way and I am forever grateful for his support and constant love.

It's crazy to think that it's almost been a year since my episode aired on MTV's Virgin Territory, The night it aired was one of the most magical and exciting nights of my life. The support I've received and the girls that I've been able to help through this experience have made every setback in the process worth it. It's insane how one little piece of tissue has changed my life.

Inspirational Friday/Exciting Announcement: Hey, it's okay to indulge...!!!!

Words can't even describe how excited I am right now! I just booked a trip to Europe after I graduate from college in May!!!!!!! IS THIS REAL LIFE?!?!?!?!?

During my senior year of high school, I was lucky to be one of the 50 students in the class of 2011 that got to spend spring break in Spain. It was an incredible experience and I can remember sitting on an 8 hour bus ride from Barcelona to Madrid and having this epiphany that I needed to travel the world. Ever since I returned from Spain, I've been dreaming of my next overseas adventure.

I thought it would be London for the 2012 Olympics. I had it all planned out. I was going to stay with a host family and walk around London during the hubbub of the Olympic Games. The plans never came to fruition for a multitude of reasons. I put it off assuming that someday, somehow, I'd get to it.

London has been at the top of my travel bucket list for as long as I can remember. I wish I had some impressive reason as to why I want to visit London so badly but I don't. There's just always been something about those red double-decker buses and Big Ben that I'm drawn to. London is the one place that if I never got to visit before I kicked said bucket I would regret it...even from 6 feet under.

Why do we wait so long for the things we desire? We push our dreams aside while we pursue the life we've been taught to live. We go to work, we come home, we eat dinner and go to bed. Indulging feels foreign - wrong, even. We wait for the day when we're successful, rich, and settled before pursuing our most indulgent, selfish dreams.

I began to think about the next 10 years of my life (which has become quite common now that the "real world" starts in less than a year). I realized that after I graduate I'll have loans (#CryingForever), followed by saving for a new car (Jetta Baby isn't going to last forever #DoubleCryingForever), which leads up to purchasing a house (wut). The way my life is going, I won't be in any better a position to travel than I am right now.

Today was filled with signs. If you know me well, you'll know that I look for guiding signs everywhere and in everything. This morning on my 4:30am drive to work, I saw a shooting star. While I was browsing in Barnes and Noble, it seemed as if every book was centered around London or Paris. As I was driving back from my errands, my iPod was a mind reader and played "Now or Never" and that's when I realized: it's now or never,

So, I'm going. London, Paris, and Rome (the top 3 locations on my bucket list in order - another sign) are just under 300 days away. I still can't believe it. At first it felt a little selfish because I'll be putting a lot of money towards this trip and because I'll be travelling alone but I feel like I deserve it. I mean, heck, you only graduate college once. ;)

Here's to self-indulgence and getting to live out 3 of the many Mary-Kate and Ashley movies! Tehehe :)

                     

The Rollercoaster Known as Moving Away to College

It's almost that time of year again. In a few weeks, thousands of newly graduated high schoolers will be moving away to the colleges of their choosing. I can still vividly remember moving into my freshman year dorm and the weeks leading up to the big move. Whether you're moving to college this year or at some point in the near future, this post is for you.

The weeks before moving you will feel excited to start a new chapter of your life. This time is characterized by packing, buying dorm decorations, and searching for that perfect comforter for your new bed. You will fall asleep imagining all of the cool things you're going to try once you move in. This is a blissful time. Enjoy it.

The week before moving in is one of the weirdest weeks you will ever experience. You will feel every emotion possible and dwell on the "lasts." Your last Saturday home. Your last time sleeping in your own bed. Your last trip to Target.This will make you sad even though all Targets pretty much look the same.

The last full day is so emotional it's important to keep busy. Spend the day packing up everything. Try not to dwell on how weird your old room looks now that it's empty. Say your goodbyes to friends, extended family, and neighbors. Most importantly, don't make eye contact with stuffed animals.

The morning of the move, get up and ready as normal but don't dwell on the fact that it'll be your last time getting out of your old bed (until Thanksgiving break anyway) or brushing your teeth in a private bathroom. Say goodbye to your pets (make it quick because tears) and take a deep breath as you walk out of your front door and get into your parents car.

Once you drive away from your home, the worst is already over. Now, you're probably just going to be jittery and anxious. If you're me, you will be so nervous that you will throw up. Hopefully when you arrive at your new school, you will not open your door and accidentally let the bag o' vomit fall out onto the ground right in front of your fellow peers...#TrueStory

Move-in Day: Post Vomit

No matter how nervous you may be, try to embrace the moment. You only get one freshman move-in day so it's important to take it all in. Maybe you won't be nervous. Maybe you'll be excited beyond belief. Like anything, it'll be different for everyone. No matter what happens on move-in day, it'll surely be a day you'll remember for many years to come.

Welcome to college, class of 2019! :)
  

4 years...Reminiscing about College

In less than one month, I will begin my final year at the University of New Hampshire. It feels so surreal because I remember being a high school senior so vividly and now here I am, 4 years later (gap year, remember?), about to embark on my senior year of college.

4 years.

4 years when you're a kid feels like forever. 4 years as a child means getting taller, moving up a few shoe sizes, aging from single digits to double digits. 4 years as a child feels like forever because the changes that take place are often tangible. Post high school, time accelerates. The years become harder to define and often blur together a bit. This blur is very obvious during those magical college years.

Only, they aren't so magical.

I firmly believe that the most important lessons you learn in college take place outside of the classroom. Sure, debating the ethical principles of human experimentation is eye-opening but it pales in comparison to the experiences you gain in the "college real world."

College often feels like a reality show. There are moments where you're almost expecting some hipster producer to jump out and point out all of the hidden cameras while shouting, "Gotcha! You're on Candid Camera!" I really recommend writing down some of these experiences because they only get weirder as time passes.

And time will pass. Quicker than you think.

As a freshman, you'll be so naive and eager. College, to many, is synonymous with freedom so there is always potential for anything to happen hence the reality show comparison. It's fun but it's also easy to lose yourself this year. Everyone seeks out a second family of sorts because, well, the people you live with are all you've got!

My college experience has been a little unorthodox. I set aside the party lifestyle for a more real approach. I studied hard and worked hard. Let me tell you, it isn't always easy seeing everyone around you go out and have fun. In fact, I've lost many friends because of that. Some people see college as "one big party before reality hits" but I've always viewed it as 4 years to work really hard, push myself to be the best I can be, and by the end, be able to boast a stellar resume.

Here's the thing - you can't list all of the ragers you've been to on a resume. Or talk about them in a job interview. The only times in your life that it will be appropriate to talk about your wild college years will be a parties with fellow partiers. Oh, you used to get blackout drunk and sing Britney Spears songs? In the real world, no one cares.

Make sure that at the end of your 4 years you're proud of who you are and what you've accomplished. You are spending literally thousands of dollars to go to college so make sure you get your money's worth. Take advantage of making connections, joining clubs, and work study jobs (Note: no matter how many hours you've worked you will always struggle financially hence the ever-popular #BrokeCollegeKid saying).

When I throw my cap in the air at graduation, I know I'm going to be proud of myself. Our society is ever-changing but the value of hard work will always remain the same.

Virgin Shaming

As a girl, when it comes to your sexuality, you can never win. You're either too promiscuous or too prude with little room for variation. It's either "She'd do it with anyone" or "When is she going to give it up?" More often, girls are slut-shamed but it's also important to focus on another phenomenon: virgin shaming.

Girls can be virgins for a number of reasons. Maybe they're religious and believe that they have to wait until marriage. Maybe they were born with a hymen that prevents sexual intercourse until surgery is complete. Maybe they're scared to get hurt or just want to wait until they are in love. We need to respect whatever reason a young woman has for being a virgin even though that reason may not be shared publicly.

While I was filming for MTV, my jealous ex-bestie told my entire floor that I was a virgin and that's what MTV was doing in the 3rd floor lounge. I suddenly started reading tweets from people on my floor that I didn't even know calling me "pathetic" "weird" and "attention seeking" because I happened to be a virgin and I happened to be filming for a TV show. Their words weren't what hurt. What hurt was that they were so quick to judge without hearing why I was a virgin. Did they know I had to have surgery? No. Did they know that I had a mental block? No. Ironically, the friend that spread the rumor was also a virgin. #VirginsShamingVirgins

I find it fascinating that we live in a society that is so unaccepting of either side of the spectrum. We cast dirty looks to girls on their walks of shame but we just as equally laugh at awkward couples who still believe in waiting until their wedding night. Where is the happy medium? Why can't girls be accepted whether they choose to sleep with just one guy or twenty-one? More importantly,why do we care?!

Going on MTV to proclaim my virginity was one of those moments you have to embrace because you quickly realize that you are placing yourself on a show that is defining you. Despite having lost my virginity at the end of the show, I'm forever "the girl on that virgin show." Even worse, I continued to be shamed. I stumbled upon a web show that was talking about the finale. It started off innocently enough but soon the hosts started speculating as to why I had stopped filming. "It must have been pretty bad if she didn't want to show her face after..." Yikes.

We've got to stop girls from feeling badly about their sexual experiences. It's hard enough as a girl dealing with body shaming. The last thing we should be doing is belittling another female for what she is or isn't doing with someone. Let's let everyone live their lives the way they choose to. We're all entitled to our own opinions and morals but those should, in no way, be used in an authoritative way. At the end of the day, we never really know the reasons why someone does or doesn't do certain things so before we judge, stop and think about your own reasons as to why you are or aren't a virgin. Remember, at one point, we all were virgins.

Dunkin Donuts: Did YOU know?!

With just a little over a month left of summer 2015, I'm coming to the realization that I really did nothing else but work. Oh, well. Dunkin Donuts is actually a pretty cool place to work (read: free coffee). I work 35 hours a week and thought I would share some behind the scenes/helpful information that I've learned as an employee.

1. You can order individual munchkins. With tax, a single munchkin is 27 cents. Or, you can #TreatYoSelf and get 5 for $1.
2. If you are going to be ordering a Box O' Joe, please come inside to order it. They take some time to make and other customers at drive thru get pretty angry at us for taking so long even though it was because of you and your order.
3. We throw out all donuts at the end of the night. No, you cannot come in before close and get them for free.
4. Before you get pissed with the person at the window for "screwing up your drink" please realize that the drive thru process works like this: someone greets you and takes your order. Then, someone at the drive thru counter will make your drink (me!) and place it on a mat to be delivered to you via the person at window. See? Not only did the person at the window not make your drink, but they didn't even hear you order because they don't wear a headset.
5. If you're sitting in the backseat and trying to order, either yell - literally YELL - your order or tell it to the person driving so they can place it for you. We can't hear you in the backseat,
6. Please stop telling us that the area near the speaker smells like trash. The garbage is back there. It is going to smell like garbage.
7. Dunkin Donuts is a franchise so the guy who owns my Dunkin Donuts also owns 14 others in the area. This means that every Dunkin Donuts is different. Please stop trying to argue about how you paid $2.99 for a sausage, egg, and cheese at a location in Connecticut and how you should be charged the same at my store in New Hampshire. We are all different.
8. Stop ordering in the most nonsensical ways. "Dark roast, 4 creams, iced, 1 Splenda, medium coffee, please" doesn't make any sense in terms of sentence construction. Try this: "Medium iced dark roast with 4 creams and 1 Splenda please!" It's not that hard people.
9. We offer a senior discount but you'd be surprised by the amount of people that abuse this. It's 10% off but we get the occasional customer who is no older than 40 who asks for it. That's the other part of the senior discount - YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR IT. Even if you look like you're going to die tomorrow, we can't just give it to you. People get offended and complain if we do.
10. Speaking of discounts, if you have an AARP card, you can get a free donut with a beverage purchase!
11. You can order a cup of ice, a cup of ice water with a lemon, or a hot cup to put over your cold cup to keep it cold longer. We will charge you the price of a munchkin for any of these though. But hey, it's only 27 cents!
12. Stop complaining that we are too happy for 5am. Like, dude, I'm exhausted. It's 5:15am, I got 4 hours of sleep and I'd still like to be sleeping buuuut I need money and I'm getting paid to be smiley. Plus, we accept tips (*wink, wink, nudge, nudge*) so the happier I am to you, the more I'm hoping you'll be inspired to drop some dolla-dolla bills in my tip jar.
13. Speaking of tips, we split them so while I appreciate your 50 cent tip, there are 10 people here so you do the math...
14. If you are a dick to whoever is taking your order, I won't give you decaf coffee like a lot of other baristas would. Instead, I just give you an excessive amount of ice which means less coffee for you. Or, in a hot coffee, I won't be as generous with filling it up. So please be nice to whoever is taking your order.
15. We can hear you. Seriously. The speaker has a sensor so even if you aren't directly in front of our speaker, our headsets beep and we can "tune in" to the speaker. This means we can hear the weird side conversations you have. Same goes with when you "pull up" to the window. If there are cars in front of you, and you can only pull up 4 feet, the sensor doesn't turn off and we can still hear you. I've heard people swearing, yelling at their kids, and talking about vomit. On the inside, we all get a lot of good laughs.
16. We can also see you. We have cameras that look at your car so I can see what kind of car you drive and how you're behaving. Once, I saw a woman hit her steering wheel multiple times when I told her we were out of maple frosted donuts. I guess she was having a bad day. 
17. Don't tell us how to make your drink. We've got it. If you're that picky, you should just make it at home yourself.
18. If you're super nice, we'll hook you up! Being super nice lands you extra munchkins and a drink stirred to perfection.
19. No, the bagel twists or the guacamole flatbread are not coming back. You whining about it isn't going to change that either.
20. If you enjoy your coffee or your experience, TELL US! If you took a moment to actually look at your receipt, you'd realize that there's a survey at the bottom. Our managers love getting feedback and we crew members love it, too! Please, take the survey. If you do, you get a free donut! Who doesn't love donuts?!

What Your Favorite Dunkin Donuts Drink Says About You

My summer has consisted of working 35 hour weeks at Dunkin Donuts. I'm the drink maker which means I hear what you say through the speaker via a headset and I make your drink. I'd say I make about 500 drinks in any given shift and being the drive-thru make girl, I've realized certain patterns when it comes to which type of person orders what type of drink. Without further adieu, here is a list of drinks served at Dunkin Donuts and what they say about you.

What does your favorite Dunkin Donuts drink say about you?

Hot Drinks

A vanilla chai says, "I'm better than you" or "I'm too cheap to go to Starbucks"

A hot chocolate says, "I have commitment issues"

A mint, s'mores, or salted caramel hot chocolate says, "Wait, those exist?" or "I like to pretend I drink coffee!"

A hot latte says, "I can't afford Starbucks" or "I've got to get back to my novel"

A cappuccino says, "I'm having a crisis in my life" or "I have a lot of skeletons in my closet"

A Dunkaccino says, "I have trouble making basic life decisions" or "I'm greedy as heck"

A hot tea says, "I'm lazy AF"

A hot coffee says, "I'm an important person with an important job to go to" or "I have no idea what other drinks Dunkin Donuts offers"

Iced Drinks

An iced coffee (ordered by a girl) says, "I'm a basic girl who hashtag can't live without hashtag coffee"

An iced coffee (ordered by a guy) says, "I struggle with my masculinity" or "Coffee is gross"

An iced tea says, "I love everyone" or "I really wanna lose three pounds..."

An iced green tea says, "I'm late for yoga"

An iced latte says, "I'm a complex person" or "I'm single"

Frozen Drinks

A frozen coffee coolatta says, "I have no idea where my life is going" or "Did I remember to lock my door?"

A fruit flavored coolatta says, "I'm underage" or "I've never been kissed" or "I like One Direction"

A smoothie says, "I secretly like watching people suffer" or "I'm two-faced"

A frozen Dunkaccino says, "I CAN GET A DUNKACCINO FROZEN?!"

Flavors of Drinks

Caramel swirl says, "I'm L-I-T-E-R-A-L-L-Y the most basic girl you will ever meet"

Mocha swirl says, "I'm on my man period"

Butter pecan swirl says, "I've always struggled with my weight" or "I have low self-esteem"

French vanilla swirl says, "I put myself first, Always."

Rocky road swirl says, "I escalate the situation quickly"

Cookie dough swirl says, "I have no idea what reality is"

Pumpkin swirl says, "I'm the textbook definition of basic" or "I only watch sports when my team is winning!"

Drink Styles

'Black' says, "I have a penis" 

'Extra, extra' says, "I hate coffee" or "I have a vagina"

'Two pumps of mocha, three shots of raspberry, half of a Splenda, and two creams' says, "I hate everything about everyone" or "I have trust issues"

'Less ice' says, "I'm a cheapskate"

'Small hot.....' says, "I'm older than 65"

'Extra large' says, "I have anxiety"

Did I get yours right? Let me know! Happy sippin'!

How To Get Over A Boy

Step One: Go get a breakover (breakup makeover)! I'm 99% that every girl has or will do this at some point in her life. Breakovers are great because not only do you get that confidence boost, but you can subtlety post a fab selfie to show him what he's missin'! It's important to note that this breakover should be a little drastic but not like, scary drastic. Example? I dyed my hair black (yes, black). It was the middle of winter and I was super pale and I also happened to be going through an eyeliner phase so I looked like an actual panda. See photo below for proof.

#EyelinerIsBAE #Not #Ew 

Step Two: Cry. Here's the catch, you're only allowed to cry once. Pick a night, maybe get some ice cream, put on sad music and cry your eyes out. After that, no more tears. Sure, you'll be sad the next few nights/weeks/months/however long it takes but only throw yourself the pity party once. I have only used this for one guy because the other one wasn't even worth crying over. #IGotOneLessProblemWithoutYa ;)

Step Three: Write a letter to the boy. DO NOT MAIL THIS LETTER. EVER. Maybe it's because I am obsessed with writing but this is so powerful for me. Write down everything you want to say to him. I've written angry letters as well as sad letters. I've even written a couple novel style letters...oops.

Step Four: Make a girl power playlist with lots of Taylor Swift (the peppy stuff not the Dear John/Back to December stuff), Demi Lovato (the ultimate girl power singer), and Katy Perry (Part of Me = gold). Play this playlist as loud as you can in your car or while your showering. Repeat songs as much as necessary.

Step Five: Reflect, forgive, and move on. This step may take a while but that's okay! When you're ready, you'll be able to move on and forget all about Mr. Ex.

DO NOT:

• Try to get revenge by hooking up with a rando at a frat party on the following weekend.
• Constantly bombard The Ex with "I miss you" texts or anything of the like. Sounding desperate automatically gives The Ex an upper hand. 
• Give in to what they want. Some guys will say they'll stay with you if you sleep with them, or do x, y, or z. Don't do these things.
• Mail that letter. Seriously.
• Throw yourself a pity party every single day. Not only does it make you feel more pathetic but your friends will get sick of hearing the same stories and will slowly begin to distance themselves. 
• Send boob pics.
• Or nudez.
• Cause Facebook drama between your friends, his friends, his mom, your BFF, or anyone for that matter. 
• Stalk him.
• Sabotage your birth control in thinking that a baby will keep him around. It won't and you'll have to deal with a breakup while being pregnant/have a kid that may resemble The Ex therefore leaving you with a permanent reminder of how stupid you were.

This post is dedicated to my lovely sister, Laura. ;)

Hello, Adulthood.

I spent most of my senior year of high school terrified of the life that awaited post-graduation. I equated the acquisition of a high school diploma with the beginning of adulthood - a world I felt unprepared for. High school does a terrible job of preparing you to take on adulthood. Time is spent on SAT strategies, AP classes, and extracurriculars-slash-resume-builders because let's be real, no one is a member of National Honor Society, Mathletes, and Key Club without an ulterior motive (i.e. admission into college). The stress got to me so much that I ended up taking a year off after my senior year until I was ready to go to college.

Even as a college freshman, I didn't feel any closer to the ever-approaching world of adulthood as I did in high school. If anything, I took two steps backward my freshman year. Influences around me unfortunately led me to act really childish and immature. I pretend the first half of that school year didn't even exist.

I've come to realize that there isn't a moment that defines the start of adulthood. Growing up, I expected there to be an obvious sign or an 'Aha!' moment as Oprah would say. There never was. Suddenly, I found myself living with my boyfriend, paying bills, buying groceries, and working multiple jobs to make ends meet. Sure, I feel like an adult but I also feel like a kid who has adult responsibilities. Despite this contradiction, I've realized that there are some drastic changes between the thinking of high school me and adult me. Buckle up, it's about to get really deep.

1. The importance of family. My family has always been supportive of everything that I do which sadly, not everyone has. I am beyond blessed to have parents who work so hard and who care so much about my sister and I. Living four hours from my parents and over 24 from my sister is definitely difficult at times. Luckily, we make time for visits and because our visits never really last more than a few days, every moment is precious. Even when my family is gone, I can still feel their support and strength from miles away.
2. Life is short. The older I get the more I am realizing how short life really is. At this point in my life, I've lost family members, pets, and peers whose losses have all illustrated that life eventually comes to an end. I may only be 22 years old, but I'm trying to live in every moment and not waste time on the things that don't matter because life is too short to not be happy.
3. Change is, and forever will be, happening all around us. Lots of people fear change even though it happens every day. You could do the exact same things at the exact same times each day and the calendar still changes. The traditions that our parents raised us with always seemed to be cast in stone but there comes a time when even those most precious traditions are broken. Is it weird not being home for Thanksgiving? Maybe Christmas? Sure, but that's life. I never in a million years expected to be where I am in life but I'm embracing it because change doesn't have to be a bad thing.
4. Stop and smell the flowers. Seriously. As a twenty-first century child, I live life plugged in to many different devices and platforms. This goes along with #2, but I've realized how important it is to cherish all of those little beautiful things Mother Nature has created. I try to have at least one "pause" per day. What do I mean by pause? Take one minute, or five, heck, even ten minutes just to look around you. Look up at the sky. Take in your surroundings. Smell the flowers! Every morning on my 4:30am drive to work, I get to see the beginnings of the sunrise which has literally taken my breath away on multiple occasions. Life gets so busy sometimes and it's important to just pause once in a while. 
5. Ow! My legs! Okay, okay, so I'm sure this one will give me a laugh in twenty years when I reeeally start getting pains but I swear, I have them now! Laying on the ground all contorted isn't as easy as it was five years ago. Seriously how is that possible?! I'm sore. I'm in bed by 9pm. What is happening to me?!?!?

Entering into adulthood is a really strange transformation. Suddenly, cupcakes for breakfast are as appealing as staying up all night at a sleepover party. Painting your nails neon pink looks obnoxious and conversations about debt, loans, and payments become part of your daily vocabulary. Maybe your hair starts thinning, or turns grey, or falls out. There's pressure to go see a doctor just to make sure your body isn't planning a mutiny against you. Summer vacation is no longer for lazy days of reading in the backyard...it's for saving up as much money as you possibly can so that you can attempt to pay off some of your *gulp* college loans. Meanwhile you will still feel like a kid and unfortunately, some adults will treat you as though you are inadequate because of your youthfulness.

I'm gonna end this by saying that Jesse and I went to go buy beer on two separate occasions this week and didn't get carded either time. Yikes. Hello, adulthood.

Juuuuuuuuune Updates!!!

I feel like almost every blog post I write is an update post. I'm going to blame it on a lack of creativity because while I've been really inspired lately, every time I sit down to write a new post I can't. Case in point? I have 12 posts sitting in the draft folder that consist of a few - often misspelled - words (a.k.a. my "professional" outline process). Maybe it's the weather but for whatever reason I haven't been able to get myself to write anything that I'm proud of. I wrote a (PMS-induced) post a few weeks back that sounded really sociopathic so I decided not to post it. So without further adieu, here's another list of life updates!

1. I'm happy to announce that I am currently typing on my newly fixed laptop!!! If you remember, this laptop stopped charging/recognizing the plug in February but I was too poor to fix it and for some reason even when I had the money I kept putting it off. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that the only reason this one is fixed is because my old laptop (Dell circa 2009) is now broken too....oops.

2. For the past few weeks I've been a peer academic advisor for the UNH incoming class. I am absolutely in love with the job and I have no idea what I'm going to do when it's over. Actually, I do know what I'm going to be doing after it's over - working 35 hours a week at Dunks. Yikes.

3. Speaking of Dunks, our new manager begged me to come into work at 5am instead of my usual 6am so that means that every day, I have to get up at 3:45am to get ready. SOS. #NoSleep

4. Summer is going well. Jesse and I both have Sundays off and we're trying to plan fun activities for each week. Last Sunday, we went to a wine tasting which was a lot of fun even though I was totally that girl and accidentally got drunk. #Oops

That pretty much sums it up! I'm really hoping to get some posts up in the next couple weeks about things unrelated to my life updates...Stay tuned!

Once a New Yorker, Always a New Yorker

I remember the day I got my tattoo the artist chuckled when I told him I wanted a tattoo of New York State. "You've got that much pride, huh?" he asked oblivious to the pride that comes with being from the Empire State. I've been a resident of the state of New Hampshire for over a year now but my car still proudly displays New York State licence plates and I still define myself as a New Yorker. Unlike Elsa, I just can't let it go.

As a college student, I've met people from many states - mostly Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut, and Maine - but no one seems to have the bursting pride that fellow New Yorkers have. Sure, people from Massachusetts say they love their state (although I don't know why) but not to the degree that New Yorkers do. When I drive home I happily blast "Welcome to New York" or "Empire State of Mind" as I cross the NY border and I'm overcome with a sense of pride accompanied by the chills. The "Welcome to New York" sign  will always read "Welcome Home" to me.

Don't get me wrong, I love New Hampshire but there are days where I'm actually pretty bitter towards my new home. I get annoyed that construction on one stretch of the road takes years (is that bridge ever going to get done?!), angered when I see redneck trucks driving down the road blasting bro country, and enraged when everyone and anyone hates on the Yankees. Mostly, I feel like the odd one out. Growing up in New York gives you a different mentality. You learn to walk fast, be independent, and mind your own business. No one thinks twice about having these qualities in New York but in New Hampshire if you have these qualities you are seen as "stuck up" and "better than everyone else."

There are days where for a moment, I wonder why I left New York. It's hard living in a place where no one understands where you came from. But as quick as those self-doubting thoughts come they are replaced by reassuring ones - ones that remind me how living in New Hampshire was my dream. I have really established a place for myself here and I really do feel like I'm making a name for myself. New Hampshire is my new home and while I am still getting used to the ways of this new world, I don't think I'll ever let the New Yorker part of my identity go. Once a New Yorker, always a New Yorker.

Songs that got me through...

...a time of confusion: "Paradise" by Coldplay

...a time when I needed a push: "Never Be Ready" by Mat Kearney

...a time when I realized the truth about a certain boy: "You're Not Sorry" by Taylor Swift

...a time of separation from a loved one: "Highway Don't Care" by Tim McGraw feat. Taylor Swift

...a time of realizing what a terrible person my ex best friend is: "Mean" by Taylor Swift

...a time of rising above a group of jealous haters: "Thank You" by MKTO

...a time of freeing myself from toxic people: "Release You" by Megan and Liz

...a time of  fear and anxiety: "Let It Go" by Idina Menzel

...a time of homesickness: "Simple Life" by Megan and Liz

What songs got you through hard times? Let me know :)

LDRs: The Real Deal

We've all heard the saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but when it comes to long distance relationships, that absence comes with a myriad of emotions. These emotions will still strike a nerve even years after the distance is bridged again. When you're hundreds of miles from the person you love, life takes on a new perspective and you begin to cherish Skype calls, "Good Morning" texts, and of course, short visits. LDRs aren't easy but if you can stick through it, it is so worth it.

Summer is here again (well, for college-age kids at least) and I've been thinking back to the end of my freshman year two years ago. For the first time in my life, I was dreading summer because I knew Jesse and I were going to be long distance for the 3+ months of summer vacation given to college students. On May 11th we said our goodbyes and I cried for the first hour on the drive home. He visited me in New York every 3 or so weeks and I lived for those visits. The fact that he would get out of work at 5pm, leave straight for my house, arriving at 10 or so at night just to see me for 2 days still amazes me. We made the most of our short visits together catching up, making out, and going on walks. But every night as I would fall asleep in his arms, I would get this lump in my throat as I realized our time together was almost up.

Jesse would leave at 5am on Friday mornings. The night before he left I would try to stay up as late as I could because I knew the moment I closed my eyes and fell asleep, the next time I would open them, Jesse would be leaving. 5am is such a beautiful time of day during the summer with the sun just beginning to rise. The day has so much potential. However, during that summer, I hated 5am. It was the hour that Jesse would get up, pack his things, and start up his Mustang to drive back to New Hampshire. We would say a really tearful goodbye and I would wrap myself in the blankets we just slept in and walk to the front of the house to wave goodbye. As soon as his car was out of my sight I would sit on the porch and cry. After just two short days, I would be alone again, in the lonely silence that 5am brings.

Whether you're currently in or will be in an LDR in the future, here are some things to keep in mind.

• Use technology to your advantage. We live in a world that has Facetime, Skype, texting, and every kind of social media available so use it! Skype every night. Text in the morning. Whatever works! 
• Handwritten letters are super romantic and they are a great keepsake. I channeled my inner Noah Calhoun and wrote Jesse a letter every single day that summer and man, are they fun to reread. They're repetitive and kinda cheesy but they are always reassuring to read.
• Once you've been in an LDR, you'll never take that person for granted ever again. Every time I'm annoyed at Jesse I always think back to that summer and it just puts everything into perspective.
• We all do crazy things when we're in love. Example #1: Jesse drove hundreds of miles to visit me during that summer. Example #2: After that summer, we promised to never be apart again and look at me know! I live in New Hampshire!
• Countdowns will become your life. After I stopped crying after Jesse left, I would start a new countdown until he visited again. There's something about watching time pass that makes LDRs a little easier...either that or I was just really bored without Jesse.
• If you want it to work, it will work. LDRs take effort to maintain but if both parties put in that effort, you guys will make it. I promise.
• LDRs are romantic...in retrospect. While I would never want to go back to that summer (for multiple reasons - hello summer of surgery), I have great memories of those months that I'll carry with me forever.
• There will be tears. Lots of tears.
• You might have a breakthrough in your thinking. It was during my long distance summer that I truly fell in love with Jesse and realized that he is The One.

During that summer I found a great quote that helped ease the pain of a fresh goodbye:

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."                                                                                                                    -Winnie the Pooh

Saying goodbye to the person you love never gets easier but I am so fortunate to have found someone like Jesse. I still get choked up when I stop and think about how Jesse would drive to see me every few weeks because he wanted to see me. If the person you're with is willing to go the distance, you'll make it through the summer, year, or week of long distance love. If it's true love, no distance is too great.

April 2015 Happenings

#NotAnotherUpdatePost #JK

Hiii everyone! April has been insane! I have been so busy with work, school, my ferret (that happened), and life that April has felt like 2 days as opposed to 24. So let's cut to the chase - here's what has been going on!

1. I got a ferret! Well, Jesse and I got a ferret so we're now ferrents LOL DO YOU GET IT?! I thought I made that word up but apparently it is used frequently on various ferret message boards (those are a thing). His name is Gizmo (although I tend to call him Baby G, Littlest, or Gizzy) and he is such a love! He is 12 weeks old and he is full of energy. I honestly didn't think he was going to be that much work but he gets into/steals everything he gets his tiny hands on so life with Baby G is constantly chasing him around trying to get your sock/highlighter/water bottle back.

SO IN LOVE

2. THERE IS ONE I REPEAT ONE WEEK OF CLASSES LEFT OF THE SEMESTER PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY HALLELUJAH!!!!!!! I have two days of classes left (Tuesday and Thursday), one final paper, three final exams until summer vacation. Even though I'll be working all summer it's going to be SO nice to not worry about deadlines, projects, papers, etc. This semester went by so quickly and at the end of this week, I'M OFFICIALLY A SENIOR! #TimeFliesWhenYou'reHavingFun #IMeanWorking

3. I got a placement for my internship next fall and I am so excited!!!! I'll be working at an afterschool program as a program leader and I get to work with middle schoolers YAY! I get to plan curriculum and take them on fun trips which sounds like so much fun! I'm already planning out curriculum and things to do with them! #IsItFallYet?!

I think that's it for the moment! I better get back to the paper that I'm procrastinating on...This blog was made possible thanks to procrastination and viewers like you. Thank you. (Little PBS reference for your enjoyment ;)) 

Talk to you guys laterrrrr!

P.S. I have 5 blog post outlines sitting in my drafts that I'm hoping I'll be able to write within the next couple weeks! The content is really fun so I hope you enjoy them when I finally get around to writing and posting them!

Can't Stop...April 2015

Can't stop wearing...my new Tommy Hilfiger rain boots!

Two words: melting snow

Can't stop eating...croissants!

Especially toasted with butter!!

Can't stop drinking...Dunkin Donuts Iced Tea (5 granulated sugars, 2 lemons)

Legit. Not because I work for them either. Buuut the fact that any size is only 99 cents doesn't hurt! ;)

Can't stop listening to...Outside by Calvin Harris feat. Ellie Goulding

Song of the summer perhaps?

Beauty product I cant stop using...Clean and Clear Dual Action Moisturizer 

Perfect skin hydration annnd acne cream all in one!

Can't stop reading...Dick for a Day

Strange. Thought provoking. Funny. (Not my favorite, but an interesting read nonetheless!)

Can't stop watching...Friends

Thanks Netflix ;)

Can't stop hating...tailgaters

Sorry not sorry for going the speed limit!

Can't stop loving...the fact that the semester ends NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!!

I will be this guy. Only, I won't actually be a guy lololol

What can't you stop this month? Let me know!

#cantstopwontstop